Blog 106: Online Dating...Yikes! (Dating Diaries Part IV)
Dating Diaries Part 1-3 are Blogs 7, 24 & 72.
Who doesn’t want to be loved, who doesn’t want to be held, and caressed, to have someone whisper in your ear how much you are adored…who doesn’t want a hand to hold, a shoulder to rest a tired head…an arm one can nuzzle underneath and feel warm and safe…who doesn’t want to be loved?
But having these feeling cannot be forced.
For a long time I took a time-out from dating, I focused on work and just enjoyed being with my friends and by myself…but a run in with an old lover made me want to get out there again and meet new people.
So I went out on a rendezvous with a man that had been calling me for a month…it was the worst night of my life…his car was so fancy I was scared of opening and closing the door…he took me to a Maroon 5 concert (my ears were mad a me for like two weeks) and oh…he confessed to me on the car ride home that he was still married and him and his wife still live together…when I got home, I simply sat and put my head in my hands and came to the realization that if I was going to date…I was going to need some help.
I asked my friends, family & colleges what I should do…90% of them said I should try Online dating…which I have never been a fan off…it just seemed unnatural, not real, a waste of my time…yet a friend offered to pay for it just so I would try, another compared it to shopping…and I REALLY like to shop…so hell, I thought why not…besides Jazzfest was coming up and I needed something new to fill up my time and not think about the fact that I wasn’t there.
So I became an Online Dater.
I made my profile, which I kept very short, honest and to the point. It spoke of how I was awesome, sparkled, believed in unicorns and smelled good. (I did not require myself to inscribe a five page novel like others had on the site)…then I started to answer questions that confused the fuck out of me and had no relevance to anything I believed to be important in dating.
I was skeptical at first to meet anyone, and it took about two weeks for me to build up the nerve to actually go on a date. I get so weirded out by dudes…one went on and on about finding parking for the date…after the third message about finding good parking I just stopped responding…if he was going to fret so much about that shit…hell no…I finally settled on meeting a gentleman for a walk around the block…so I could plan as many escape routes as possible. He turned out to be an awesome person…not in the meaning that we would flutter well together, but simply he was a good guy…his dog was even cooler! I am a sucker for a cute pup.
Having broken my online dating cherry, I tried to get comfortable in my shopping shoes…I went out on about 12 dates in a 2 ½ week period.
I went out with two different Bulgarians, I don’t think I had ever met a Bulgarian before, one attempted to tongue plunger my mouth when it came time to kiss…I wonder how my esophagus tastes? I met a man with the Largest Nose I have ever seen….I could not concentrate on a thing he said…I kept thinking about whether the nose would be a good or a bad thing if he was going down on me…after day dreaming through two questions from him I realized I simply had to leave the date…but my curiosity still lingers. One day I sandwiched two dates in, both were so depressing I contemplated the need for a disappearing cape, and they both took a form of a pill during meal time which they did not explain and I am still inquisitive about. Another date had that “dead tooth in the mouth” kinda breathe…ewwwwwwwwwww….did I not mention the importance of smelling good?
All this dating left me tired, a couple pounds heavier and frustrated.
Yup…this Online dating thing…is NOT for this princess.
(I actually think the whole “dating” thing is not for me…but that is another blog in its entirety.)
I did like that I got to meet a different kind of man than I was accustomed to meeting…I needed that…that was the good part of Online Dating.
The Bad part of Online Dating for me…was how it felt forced.
When I was Online I would rate a man by his pictures, how tall he was, how he came across in a written self-summary of what he thought was important, not what I give relevance to…I would look at him and judge.
That is not me in person.
In person I could give a shit about how tall you are, what you look like…I want to know how you smell, if you can talk to a woman of my magnitude with ease, how you move, your smile, the gleam in the corner of your eye…how your light emanates from your being…that is what first attracts me to a man…not pictures someone picks out that they think represents them…I like to submerge myself into someone in the raw…the real them…not this fake name with a sterile image.
Besides, I don’t have time to waste on a man that might not smell good.
I don’t even know if I want a relationship right now…I am a busy bitch…I definitely don’t want to squander my precious time…I spent way to many years married to a man that simply made me feel bad about being me…I don’t know if I am capable of the surrender of my heart again…I just know if it is suppose to happen, it will happen.
And more importantly, I am not lonely…I have a lot of love in my life, and I can get laid…I don’t want to push love on myself…I want it to grow naturally, organically, when I am ready….when it is presented in the right light…not because I feel it is something that I have to do…
And I need not waste my time on that action, I have really important stuff I have to do…I have people to sparkle, bubbles to blow, buttwalks to hike & friends to love…I need to keep my priorities straight…and simply let what is going to occur….befall upon me…and have faith in the outcome.
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
THE BLOW UP NOODLE MAN DANCE
(I have been waiting for sometime to do this dance)
All right, have you ever gone by those Car Sale Lots and seen the dude in front that they have the wind blowing into that looks like noodles…yup this is that dance.
Stick your feet & knees together and spread your arms out wide…keeping your feet and knees still, wobble your thighs up from side to side and front to back letting your self kinda do a flop-half-nod kinda thing…or as I like to say, “Noodle Man Dance that shit up!”
Monday, May 20, 2013
Friday, April 19, 2013
Blog 105: “Change Comes from Within” (Looking in the Mirror, Part I)
Blog 105: “Change Comes from Within” (Looking in the Mirror, Part I)
“I'm Gonna Make A Change, For Once In My Life…
It's Gonna Feel Real Good, Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .”
A couple months ago my bosses took me out to dinner…as we walked through crack central we got the usual spare change action…unlike myself, who ambled through not looking up or paying attention, one of my bosses slowed his saunter, looked an asking beggar in the eye…and said the words… “Change Comes from Within.”
I figured he had some serious nuts…but damm…I had no idea they were that big!
Cause what can anyone really say to that…that was some heavy truth that spilled out of his mouth…if I was hiding a crack rock in my mouth that line would have made me sallow it for sure…just saying.
For the truth can make you gulp for a big breath of air.
What I really like about “Change Comes from Within” is that is does not just refer to the figure against the wall with their hand out…it is some advice that we all need scream at ourselves in the mirror.
Everyday…all the time…it is the only way to self-satisfaction.
There are numerous things in this life that make us unhappy or doubtful or weak and the only possible way to fix anything that brings us sorrow or feelings of lacked potential is the effort we make within ourselves.
It is somewhat comical how True Change usually is the result of loss, sorry, and intense humbling….or totally making an ass out of yourself…that one always makes you think…
We can all sit around being pissed and angry with tears rolling down our cheeks…or we can Stand and Walk and Be better people…push ourselves to work harder, to make more efforts, to believe in the good, to come to terms with what we distain about ourselves…and emanate positivity.
No matter what it is in our life that we disagree with, we have the power to change it all.
We just have got to have enough guts to do it.
When you put that kind of responsibility on yourself…and you fulfill your intentions with true action…you inspire others to better themselves…to have faith in the powers we hold within.
And in holding oneself accountable for the gift of change we become more empathetic to other’s faults and short comings…for we have battled wars of the same or different sorts inside ourselves as well…we know how fierce the fight can be…how pillaging of energy the effort is…how sometimes hope can seem so bleak…
How seeing others accomplish their goals ignites a fire of belief.
Change comes from within…no matter what we are not content with…it starts with us.
You don’t like it that someone doesn’t work…or put forth what you think is a good enough effort…work fucking harder…accomplish more for yourself…inspire them…or become to busy to even worry about it.
You don’t like how someone is treating you or someone else…make sure you are nice as fuck to everybody…times 11…go that extra mile for people you don’t even know….cause being good to one another encourages others to be good, even if it never reaches who you want it to reach…it will…there is a ripple…
You don’t like how you look…go stand in front of the looking glass and slap yourself a couple times…cause you have got to believe that you are the shit!
***Changing yourself within is the simple act of Karma coming to Actuality.***
Changing yourself to be the best You that You can be…
Is all the change you need.
“…I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways
And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change…”
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK:
DADDY IS MAD
First you have got to put on you “Daddy is Mad face”…give it a stern look with some tight eyes and one side of your lips ripped back…now hear something…put your hand to you ear so you can catch it all (nothing gets past daddy!) Take two steps forward and start to shake your finger and yell…now take two more steps forward and SPANK SPANK!...cause you know that daddy will spank you if you make him mad!
*** Added moves to the dance include smelling the hand after spanking and/or putting baby powder on the hand before spanking…
“I'm Gonna Make A Change, For Once In My Life…
It's Gonna Feel Real Good, Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .”
A couple months ago my bosses took me out to dinner…as we walked through crack central we got the usual spare change action…unlike myself, who ambled through not looking up or paying attention, one of my bosses slowed his saunter, looked an asking beggar in the eye…and said the words… “Change Comes from Within.”
I figured he had some serious nuts…but damm…I had no idea they were that big!
Cause what can anyone really say to that…that was some heavy truth that spilled out of his mouth…if I was hiding a crack rock in my mouth that line would have made me sallow it for sure…just saying.
For the truth can make you gulp for a big breath of air.
What I really like about “Change Comes from Within” is that is does not just refer to the figure against the wall with their hand out…it is some advice that we all need scream at ourselves in the mirror.
Everyday…all the time…it is the only way to self-satisfaction.
There are numerous things in this life that make us unhappy or doubtful or weak and the only possible way to fix anything that brings us sorrow or feelings of lacked potential is the effort we make within ourselves.
It is somewhat comical how True Change usually is the result of loss, sorry, and intense humbling….or totally making an ass out of yourself…that one always makes you think…
We can all sit around being pissed and angry with tears rolling down our cheeks…or we can Stand and Walk and Be better people…push ourselves to work harder, to make more efforts, to believe in the good, to come to terms with what we distain about ourselves…and emanate positivity.
No matter what it is in our life that we disagree with, we have the power to change it all.
We just have got to have enough guts to do it.
When you put that kind of responsibility on yourself…and you fulfill your intentions with true action…you inspire others to better themselves…to have faith in the powers we hold within.
And in holding oneself accountable for the gift of change we become more empathetic to other’s faults and short comings…for we have battled wars of the same or different sorts inside ourselves as well…we know how fierce the fight can be…how pillaging of energy the effort is…how sometimes hope can seem so bleak…
How seeing others accomplish their goals ignites a fire of belief.
Change comes from within…no matter what we are not content with…it starts with us.
You don’t like it that someone doesn’t work…or put forth what you think is a good enough effort…work fucking harder…accomplish more for yourself…inspire them…or become to busy to even worry about it.
You don’t like how someone is treating you or someone else…make sure you are nice as fuck to everybody…times 11…go that extra mile for people you don’t even know….cause being good to one another encourages others to be good, even if it never reaches who you want it to reach…it will…there is a ripple…
You don’t like how you look…go stand in front of the looking glass and slap yourself a couple times…cause you have got to believe that you are the shit!
***Changing yourself within is the simple act of Karma coming to Actuality.***
Changing yourself to be the best You that You can be…
Is all the change you need.
“…I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways
And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change…”
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK:
DADDY IS MAD
First you have got to put on you “Daddy is Mad face”…give it a stern look with some tight eyes and one side of your lips ripped back…now hear something…put your hand to you ear so you can catch it all (nothing gets past daddy!) Take two steps forward and start to shake your finger and yell…now take two more steps forward and SPANK SPANK!...cause you know that daddy will spank you if you make him mad!
*** Added moves to the dance include smelling the hand after spanking and/or putting baby powder on the hand before spanking…
Friday, March 22, 2013
Blog 104: I am NOT a Cougar!
Blog 104: I am NOT a Cougar!
(Disclaimer: Yup it is one of those Blogs…if you are my Parents…DO NOT READ…if you are friends of my parents…pretend you never saw this…if you are going to message me or comment about how I should not carry myself this way…than fuck off and don’t read…I am who I am and these are my diaries…if you like my raunchy blogs, than by all means grab a bowl…sit back and get ready to know way to much about this Princess.)
I am not a Cougar! (I say this in the Kindergarten Cop “It’s not a tumor” voice.) I actually thought I was but then I told my friend about it and she was like, “You are too young to be a cougar…you are a PUMA!”
She then broke it down to me….women who are 30-39 are Pumas…women who are 40-49 are Cougars and women that are 50+ are Jaguars…all this time I thought I was just educating the youth of America….can I get a “grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr” bitches.
And well as of late…I have been “Pumaing” that shit up…totally…so keep your 20 year olds locked up moms…she is loose!
After careful consideration and thought ponder…I think I am finally ready for a relationship again…maybe..only if it reaches my standards (and I am a princess so that is a pretty high skyscraper) and while I think I might be ready to start dating again…for real this time and not just half ass) a thought occurred to me… “I am way to horny to be going on dates.”
Cause lets be honest…I am a red-head…I am hormonal…I need to get laid on a regular basis (it is the only thing about being married that I really truly miss.)
And if I don’t have sex…I get all flaaaa-clemted, irritated and can’t think straight…the left side of my brain kinda goes higher than the right and I get this squint eye thing…and I might go around air-humping my co-workers….the whole think is quite disturbing.
But I don’t want to have sex with someone who I might consider being in a relationship with…I want to get to know them…build something…and I can’t be doing that if I have getting freaking on the brain…no no no.
So my solution has been to find a young…tall…big footed cub…that can handle me (that proved to be an issue…) that I would have no attachment with other than to climb them backwards once or twice a week…so I could go through this dating action-ness without having sex on the brain.
I feel that this solution is awesomeness….because not only does it help me think right…but I am making the better lovers of tomorrow.
For example, my first cub…I started with him two years ago when he was at the ripe age of 19…he used to not go down on girls when I first met him…I think he had had a “bad pussy” moment or something (ladies…I shower a shit-ton and so should you!)…I explained to him that I was like “The Iron Chef Cuisine” of Pussy and he can’t say he didn’t like something till he had the best…well you know what…homie goes down now!…a couple months ago I asked him if he chowed down on his new girlfriend’s muff and he replied with a big smile and a “Yes I do…thanks Sunny.”
And until recently I had forgotten about the stamina of youth and their willingness to please…but then a young co-worker said I should get together with his friend…I was like “noooooooooooooooo” then I met his six foot five friend and looked at him and was like “Totally!”…I don’t think the youngen had ever experienced a woman like me…he was in somewhat shock…when he realized that you can see us in my mirrored headboard…I saw a shiver go down his spin…I had to giggle. I did get the quote of the month from this experience…
In his own words…”This is the best Apartment ever! I got beer…we smoked weed…had the most mind blowing sex ever…there are lasers…and great music…Who would ever leave!”
Alas I don’t think this young thing could handle a woman like me…but I believe I did give him hope for a better tomorrow.
After this encounter the Puma in me had been resurrected…and the hunt was on…that is the problem with me being horny…when I get satisfied…I just want more…figures.
I waited as long as I could…but then my head began to do that twitching thing that it does…and I knew…I could not lick my own paws…
So out I went on a mission…and found myself ordering a drink next to a 6 foot 6 young thing…I sniffed him…looked up and down and out came the words… “You are tall!”…He turned, gazed down and smiled…I kept going…”Your hands are huge!” his grin got bigger and before he could retort I questioned his age…when he informed me that he was 25…my eyes got wide and I stood on my toes and exclaimed in my highest of high voices,… “I’m a Puma!”
After explaining to him what that was and an evening of conversation…I had a new student or so I thought…cause unlike the last cublet…I did not have to teach this one a damm thing…wow…I never knew how awesome a strong jaw came in handy on a dude…wow…for a while there my eyes would not stop rolling back in my head…wow…totally!
Oh, my cubs…they do have a soft spot in my heart.
I must admit…as of late…I have been thinking ever so clear and I have been able to get a whole lot of work done…which I really needed to do.
And I know…I have to learn how to deal with being horny…but if I don’t have to…welllllllllllllllllll shit…why should I.
That will be a lesson I save myself for another day.
Until then…if you a young lad and walking down the street and hear a Puma roar…I would look out…or put your seatbelt on…and remember to keep your arms inside the vehicle.
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
THE PUMA ROAR
This is an ever so simple dance move…just walk up to someone…give them a sniff…lick your right hand, put your head back and as you shake your head let out a fierce, “ROOOOOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR”…bat your eyes and lick your paw again...grrrrrrrrrrrr.
Please make sure your breath is awesomeness before letting out your ROAR…cause that is just proper princess action right there!
(Disclaimer: Yup it is one of those Blogs…if you are my Parents…DO NOT READ…if you are friends of my parents…pretend you never saw this…if you are going to message me or comment about how I should not carry myself this way…than fuck off and don’t read…I am who I am and these are my diaries…if you like my raunchy blogs, than by all means grab a bowl…sit back and get ready to know way to much about this Princess.)
I am not a Cougar! (I say this in the Kindergarten Cop “It’s not a tumor” voice.) I actually thought I was but then I told my friend about it and she was like, “You are too young to be a cougar…you are a PUMA!”
She then broke it down to me….women who are 30-39 are Pumas…women who are 40-49 are Cougars and women that are 50+ are Jaguars…all this time I thought I was just educating the youth of America….can I get a “grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr” bitches.
And well as of late…I have been “Pumaing” that shit up…totally…so keep your 20 year olds locked up moms…she is loose!
After careful consideration and thought ponder…I think I am finally ready for a relationship again…maybe..only if it reaches my standards (and I am a princess so that is a pretty high skyscraper) and while I think I might be ready to start dating again…for real this time and not just half ass) a thought occurred to me… “I am way to horny to be going on dates.”
Cause lets be honest…I am a red-head…I am hormonal…I need to get laid on a regular basis (it is the only thing about being married that I really truly miss.)
And if I don’t have sex…I get all flaaaa-clemted, irritated and can’t think straight…the left side of my brain kinda goes higher than the right and I get this squint eye thing…and I might go around air-humping my co-workers….the whole think is quite disturbing.
But I don’t want to have sex with someone who I might consider being in a relationship with…I want to get to know them…build something…and I can’t be doing that if I have getting freaking on the brain…no no no.
So my solution has been to find a young…tall…big footed cub…that can handle me (that proved to be an issue…) that I would have no attachment with other than to climb them backwards once or twice a week…so I could go through this dating action-ness without having sex on the brain.
I feel that this solution is awesomeness….because not only does it help me think right…but I am making the better lovers of tomorrow.
For example, my first cub…I started with him two years ago when he was at the ripe age of 19…he used to not go down on girls when I first met him…I think he had had a “bad pussy” moment or something (ladies…I shower a shit-ton and so should you!)…I explained to him that I was like “The Iron Chef Cuisine” of Pussy and he can’t say he didn’t like something till he had the best…well you know what…homie goes down now!…a couple months ago I asked him if he chowed down on his new girlfriend’s muff and he replied with a big smile and a “Yes I do…thanks Sunny.”
And until recently I had forgotten about the stamina of youth and their willingness to please…but then a young co-worker said I should get together with his friend…I was like “noooooooooooooooo” then I met his six foot five friend and looked at him and was like “Totally!”…I don’t think the youngen had ever experienced a woman like me…he was in somewhat shock…when he realized that you can see us in my mirrored headboard…I saw a shiver go down his spin…I had to giggle. I did get the quote of the month from this experience…
In his own words…”This is the best Apartment ever! I got beer…we smoked weed…had the most mind blowing sex ever…there are lasers…and great music…Who would ever leave!”
Alas I don’t think this young thing could handle a woman like me…but I believe I did give him hope for a better tomorrow.
After this encounter the Puma in me had been resurrected…and the hunt was on…that is the problem with me being horny…when I get satisfied…I just want more…figures.
I waited as long as I could…but then my head began to do that twitching thing that it does…and I knew…I could not lick my own paws…
So out I went on a mission…and found myself ordering a drink next to a 6 foot 6 young thing…I sniffed him…looked up and down and out came the words… “You are tall!”…He turned, gazed down and smiled…I kept going…”Your hands are huge!” his grin got bigger and before he could retort I questioned his age…when he informed me that he was 25…my eyes got wide and I stood on my toes and exclaimed in my highest of high voices,… “I’m a Puma!”
After explaining to him what that was and an evening of conversation…I had a new student or so I thought…cause unlike the last cublet…I did not have to teach this one a damm thing…wow…I never knew how awesome a strong jaw came in handy on a dude…wow…for a while there my eyes would not stop rolling back in my head…wow…totally!
Oh, my cubs…they do have a soft spot in my heart.
I must admit…as of late…I have been thinking ever so clear and I have been able to get a whole lot of work done…which I really needed to do.
And I know…I have to learn how to deal with being horny…but if I don’t have to…welllllllllllllllllll shit…why should I.
That will be a lesson I save myself for another day.
Until then…if you a young lad and walking down the street and hear a Puma roar…I would look out…or put your seatbelt on…and remember to keep your arms inside the vehicle.
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
THE PUMA ROAR
This is an ever so simple dance move…just walk up to someone…give them a sniff…lick your right hand, put your head back and as you shake your head let out a fierce, “ROOOOOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR”…bat your eyes and lick your paw again...grrrrrrrrrrrr.
Please make sure your breath is awesomeness before letting out your ROAR…cause that is just proper princess action right there!
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Blog 103: There is Always Room for another Princess
Blog 103: There is Always Room for another Princess
There is always room for another Princess…in fact, I cherish meeting one…an independent woman, full of nobility, laughter, pride and strength.
My kingdom is not threaten by another…My kingdom encourages more Princesses wanting to me Queens…but knowing many lessons must come before assentation is granted.
You can tell when you meet a true Princess…she has a smile upon her face…an emulating grace.
There is a whimsical elegance in her moves, a sexy strut that many are lured to and encompassed by as she continues to saunter through.
A true Princess has sense of peace, a glowing ray of positivity…she is kind and polite and always tries to end any encounter on a good note.
She will state her opinion with a firm formality and hold tight upon her views, yet she realizes once things are said there is no need to try to teach those who desire not to be taught…and that everyone has a right to their opinion.
A true Princess knows she does not know everything.
There is always another seat at the table for a lady that holds her own, that brings more laughter, more perceptions, more diversity and more truth.
A true Princess supports her piers, she brings them together and does not try to tear them apart.
A true Princess shares.
Often she puts aside her differences and takes a breath…and continues on her journey…knowing that her path is her path.
Yes, there is always room for another princess, they are welcome…and should be made to feel so everywhere they go.
There is NO more room for another bitch…nor does anyone want another…this world is full of enough.
Ones that send out negative glares and stares…who talk from a split tongue with no real knowledge behind their words…
The girls that gang up on a lady because their friends say to, or get jealous of the attention a man gives another.
(A true Princess is over the attention of some men…the ones that fawn and touch at drunken times and get in their dancing space…as well as…a true Princess knows that and acknowledges that sometimes it is another’s time to shine, to be loved, to be cherished…sometimes we have to take the back seat…not because our veracity is less…but simply we all have our time and our moment…and while ours might not be today, that does not mean that we cannot relish in our friend’s time.)
There is NOT more room for cattiness and women I call “hoovers” that suck all they can from people…ladies get a job, get your own drugs, learn how to pay for shit...and stop wasting everyone’s time talking trash about action you don’t even know about.
There is ALWAYS room for another Princess that has a good work ethic, a blessed heart and knows her worth a lady.
A true Princess does not judge on the past of others…especially if they have learned from their mistakes…for we have lessons that we need to learn and darkness in our past that make our light shine that much more incandescently
A true Princess demands the best…not for reason of greed or spite…but because she gives the best, she has come to the opinion long ago that anything one does is only worth it...if you do it right.
A true Princess is not afraid to shine…she refuses to cloak her brightness…sometimes when she tilts her head back…beams of sunlight seem to unveil from her being.
A True Princess only uses her light for what is right.
Yes, there is always room for another Princess, another Kingdom that will make this world an even better place…for the Promise Land is not a lonely place...and it was not built in a day, nor by one person or even a pair…it was and is brought to us by many…willing and wanting to bask in the brilliance of one another.
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
(As a native San Franciscan, I spent my youth during the summers at Camp Mather…we had bears here…I remember a worker there told me to scare a bear away, act like a monkey…cause they have never seen one before...way to inspire a dance!)
BEAR GETS SCARED BY MONKEY
This is a two person dance move just to let you all know…first you need the bear (a Foxy Monster hat always helps) so the bear person should put their hands in the air and give out a nice “ROOOOOAAAAARRRRR” and amble towards the other dancer. The “Monkey” then should let out high pitched shrieks and odd noises and start pounding their chest and hopping from side to side and raise their arms and proceed to jump towards the Bear. The bear then gets a confused look on his face, maybe scratch the side of his head…the monkey at this points needs to continue to act like a monkey…maybe claw itself in the armpits and smell and hop around…The Bear…not knowing what the fuck this thing is runs off into the dance floor…leaving the monkey more room to get down!
There is always room for another Princess…in fact, I cherish meeting one…an independent woman, full of nobility, laughter, pride and strength.
My kingdom is not threaten by another…My kingdom encourages more Princesses wanting to me Queens…but knowing many lessons must come before assentation is granted.
You can tell when you meet a true Princess…she has a smile upon her face…an emulating grace.
There is a whimsical elegance in her moves, a sexy strut that many are lured to and encompassed by as she continues to saunter through.
A true Princess has sense of peace, a glowing ray of positivity…she is kind and polite and always tries to end any encounter on a good note.
She will state her opinion with a firm formality and hold tight upon her views, yet she realizes once things are said there is no need to try to teach those who desire not to be taught…and that everyone has a right to their opinion.
A true Princess knows she does not know everything.
There is always another seat at the table for a lady that holds her own, that brings more laughter, more perceptions, more diversity and more truth.
A true Princess supports her piers, she brings them together and does not try to tear them apart.
A true Princess shares.
Often she puts aside her differences and takes a breath…and continues on her journey…knowing that her path is her path.
Yes, there is always room for another princess, they are welcome…and should be made to feel so everywhere they go.
There is NO more room for another bitch…nor does anyone want another…this world is full of enough.
Ones that send out negative glares and stares…who talk from a split tongue with no real knowledge behind their words…
The girls that gang up on a lady because their friends say to, or get jealous of the attention a man gives another.
(A true Princess is over the attention of some men…the ones that fawn and touch at drunken times and get in their dancing space…as well as…a true Princess knows that and acknowledges that sometimes it is another’s time to shine, to be loved, to be cherished…sometimes we have to take the back seat…not because our veracity is less…but simply we all have our time and our moment…and while ours might not be today, that does not mean that we cannot relish in our friend’s time.)
There is NOT more room for cattiness and women I call “hoovers” that suck all they can from people…ladies get a job, get your own drugs, learn how to pay for shit...and stop wasting everyone’s time talking trash about action you don’t even know about.
There is ALWAYS room for another Princess that has a good work ethic, a blessed heart and knows her worth a lady.
A true Princess does not judge on the past of others…especially if they have learned from their mistakes…for we have lessons that we need to learn and darkness in our past that make our light shine that much more incandescently
A true Princess demands the best…not for reason of greed or spite…but because she gives the best, she has come to the opinion long ago that anything one does is only worth it...if you do it right.
A true Princess is not afraid to shine…she refuses to cloak her brightness…sometimes when she tilts her head back…beams of sunlight seem to unveil from her being.
A True Princess only uses her light for what is right.
Yes, there is always room for another Princess, another Kingdom that will make this world an even better place…for the Promise Land is not a lonely place...and it was not built in a day, nor by one person or even a pair…it was and is brought to us by many…willing and wanting to bask in the brilliance of one another.
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
(As a native San Franciscan, I spent my youth during the summers at Camp Mather…we had bears here…I remember a worker there told me to scare a bear away, act like a monkey…cause they have never seen one before...way to inspire a dance!)
BEAR GETS SCARED BY MONKEY
This is a two person dance move just to let you all know…first you need the bear (a Foxy Monster hat always helps) so the bear person should put their hands in the air and give out a nice “ROOOOOAAAAARRRRR” and amble towards the other dancer. The “Monkey” then should let out high pitched shrieks and odd noises and start pounding their chest and hopping from side to side and raise their arms and proceed to jump towards the Bear. The bear then gets a confused look on his face, maybe scratch the side of his head…the monkey at this points needs to continue to act like a monkey…maybe claw itself in the armpits and smell and hop around…The Bear…not knowing what the fuck this thing is runs off into the dance floor…leaving the monkey more room to get down!
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Blog 102: To Be Jammin (Jammin Chronicles Part IV)
Blog 102: To Be Jammin (Jammin Chronicles Part IV)
My Jammin Chronicles Parts I-III are blogs 81, 84 & 91
I must admit…I had to be converted, but once I saw the way the rainbows hit the light and created everlasting positivity…I began to have the faith…
And a self-stability I never knew existed.
Cause once you get it…you get it.
The Definition of Jammin:
Doing what you love, and having a damm good time while you are doing it.
I learned a lot this past year, and it ended with an educational bang…
For a long time I had struggled with what to do with my life? What direction to start to wander in?
Having been married for so long, I was lost trying to do it on my own. (When you spend so much time trying to please someone else…the act of making yourself satisfied starts in a confusing state.)
It took me getting hit upside the head to change my ways…literally upside the head…after having a serious head injury and seeing the intense ramifications concussions can have to your dome (a double one at that) I have new respect for my health and reoccurring visions of me needing a helmet.
But the blow brought clarity…at first, making me feel dizzy from the fields of serenity that imploded throughout my forehead.
And as I tried to make sense of it all and figure out my path, I stumbled upon a way of life…that seemed so pure and eloquent…quite simply…it just clicked…
It was the Jammin way of life…based on key principals that have been taught way before the apple of temptation bore its tree from seed.
It is to follow the golden rule of life. (Did you know that the color gold sparkles?)
And the people who take this journey surround themselves with brilliant, luminous, rich colors that envelopes oneself and disperses the negativity with glistening prisms that just makes everything seem better.
Because it really is going to all be okay.
To be Jammin is to encourage everyone to be Jammin.
To find in your life what truly makes you happy and make it your path.
It is to encourage everyone to be great.
That competition is not a bad thing, but only an opportunity for you to demand better of yourself.
Jammin is working your fucking ass off, and when you think it is time to take a break…work some more…cause ain’t nothing that is worth it comes easy…but the true pleasures lies in the journey not in the outcome.
And it’s way more enjoyable when you earned that action.
That to be good at what you do is to have the ability to teach someone how to do it twice as good as you can.
To inspire and ignite the inner light we have within.
To be Jammin is to bring color and a new way of thought to this black and white world…cause damm shit just looks better when it is all colorful and sparkly…totally.
To be Jammin is about Family…that we all have our role, our place, our time and it is our job to stand together and support one another on our journey as we try to make sense of it all.
To be Jammin is to be you, as pure and true to yourself as you can be, to be honest, to have integrity, ethic and worth.
To be Jammin is to be Fabulous…cause that is just better…
And I am better…for having learned this way of life.
I would like to say thank to my “Jammin Family”…Thank you…you are all awesome! I am so blessed to have all of you in my life…Together we can all make it to the Promise Land.
Cause Teamwork…Makes the Dreamwork!
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK:
THE (Dab-Dab-Dab) SEAHORSE
Come to position by lifting your right heel off the ground and bending your knee to create a “s” action-ness to your leg…then bring your arms up to “bunny” position but cause you keep leaning your head down you look like a freaking seahorse. Now lean forward and kinda nod your whole body, ohhhhhhhhhhh….time to lean back…backwards nod time…and lean forward…remember if you feel like you are going to fall over…don’t.
My Jammin Chronicles Parts I-III are blogs 81, 84 & 91
I must admit…I had to be converted, but once I saw the way the rainbows hit the light and created everlasting positivity…I began to have the faith…
And a self-stability I never knew existed.
Cause once you get it…you get it.
The Definition of Jammin:
Doing what you love, and having a damm good time while you are doing it.
I learned a lot this past year, and it ended with an educational bang…
For a long time I had struggled with what to do with my life? What direction to start to wander in?
Having been married for so long, I was lost trying to do it on my own. (When you spend so much time trying to please someone else…the act of making yourself satisfied starts in a confusing state.)
It took me getting hit upside the head to change my ways…literally upside the head…after having a serious head injury and seeing the intense ramifications concussions can have to your dome (a double one at that) I have new respect for my health and reoccurring visions of me needing a helmet.
But the blow brought clarity…at first, making me feel dizzy from the fields of serenity that imploded throughout my forehead.
And as I tried to make sense of it all and figure out my path, I stumbled upon a way of life…that seemed so pure and eloquent…quite simply…it just clicked…
It was the Jammin way of life…based on key principals that have been taught way before the apple of temptation bore its tree from seed.
It is to follow the golden rule of life. (Did you know that the color gold sparkles?)
And the people who take this journey surround themselves with brilliant, luminous, rich colors that envelopes oneself and disperses the negativity with glistening prisms that just makes everything seem better.
Because it really is going to all be okay.
To be Jammin is to encourage everyone to be Jammin.
To find in your life what truly makes you happy and make it your path.
It is to encourage everyone to be great.
That competition is not a bad thing, but only an opportunity for you to demand better of yourself.
Jammin is working your fucking ass off, and when you think it is time to take a break…work some more…cause ain’t nothing that is worth it comes easy…but the true pleasures lies in the journey not in the outcome.
And it’s way more enjoyable when you earned that action.
That to be good at what you do is to have the ability to teach someone how to do it twice as good as you can.
To inspire and ignite the inner light we have within.
To be Jammin is to bring color and a new way of thought to this black and white world…cause damm shit just looks better when it is all colorful and sparkly…totally.
To be Jammin is about Family…that we all have our role, our place, our time and it is our job to stand together and support one another on our journey as we try to make sense of it all.
To be Jammin is to be you, as pure and true to yourself as you can be, to be honest, to have integrity, ethic and worth.
To be Jammin is to be Fabulous…cause that is just better…
And I am better…for having learned this way of life.
I would like to say thank to my “Jammin Family”…Thank you…you are all awesome! I am so blessed to have all of you in my life…Together we can all make it to the Promise Land.
Cause Teamwork…Makes the Dreamwork!
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK:
THE (Dab-Dab-Dab) SEAHORSE
Come to position by lifting your right heel off the ground and bending your knee to create a “s” action-ness to your leg…then bring your arms up to “bunny” position but cause you keep leaning your head down you look like a freaking seahorse. Now lean forward and kinda nod your whole body, ohhhhhhhhhhh….time to lean back…backwards nod time…and lean forward…remember if you feel like you are going to fall over…don’t.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Blog 101: Ms. Powers (Being Divorced, Part III)
Blog 101: Ms. Powers (Being Divorced, Part III)
(Being Divorced Parts I & II are Blogs 74 & 75)
I got an email from my ex-husband, the subject line said “Doneski” and I knew. All at once a flood of finality and freedom rushed my being…a soft shiver rolled up my spine and sent excitement tingles all over.
This week my mission is to head to city hall, and get my name back…why would I ever give up a last name like “Powers”…I am such a ding dong, I am…and if you see a red-hued rainbow streaking in the sky unyielding bursts of glitter, it may be my super powers finally kicking in…who knows what might happen.
Since the email, thoughts have been swirling in my head….mostly images about the girl I was then, and the woman I have metamorphosed into today.
To me it is almost intangible as well as the most succulent revenge.
I remember back to those years when my dog had died, the realization that I was unhappy had overtaken and paralyzed me…something had to give.
I went to my husband and told him that I was miserable, that owning the restaurant was just too much, my burden was to heavy, and to be honest…it was not what I wanted to do.
I proposed that we moved to San Francisco, we would have the support of my family and that he could still be a great chef without the weight of owning a restaurant…and I could go figure out what the fuck would make me happy.
He asked, “What do you want to do?”
I replied that I have always wanted to work with fashion and I think it would be something that I am good at.
The man who’s dream I had invested my time, money and life into, looked me dead in the eye, laughed and said, “I don’t think you can do that...”
As the months followed I tried to salvage my marriage…but no one can make you satisfied but yourself…and sometimes a road simply waits for your readiness to amble upon it.
When I came to the city, I headed right back into the restaurant business…probably cause it was easy and I was scared…and quite lost.
Until recently I have always felt like I lacked something as a woman.
It used to be my living situation when I first came back to the city and stayed in my parent’s basement. When I moved to my own lair in the tenderloin my self-confidence started to build but lack of conviction with my career still left me feeling inadequate and not quite up to par.
Yet since reading the magic words that my divorce is final through the courts…I have kept on thinking about that day in which I was told my husband didn’t believe in my abilities.
And as my thoughts subside from their spiral tornados…I sit back with a soft smile of elegance and satisfaction and a supple gleam dancing in my eyes (if you know me, you know this look quite well)…because for some reason, without intention or thought…but I think due to fate and destiny…I find myself working full time for a tie-dye clothing company.
It has only recently dawned on me.
I have done it, what I said I was going to do...fulfilling my self prophecy…I have proven my ex-husband wrong…and accomplished a dream I have had since I was young….I am working in the fashion business…with rainbows no less.
Without even meaning to, or realizing that I had…
It has taken me a second to absorb it all in…I didn’t get it at first.
And these feelings…of contentment and satisfaction have empowered me…allowing an aora of serenity to emulate from my being…causing my heart to soften in a way I so desired and knew it so needed to.
For tranquility with yourself brings a sweet peace as well as a distilled immaculate grace.
I wake up everyday, thankful for the blessings that I have and understand that only hard work and patience with sincere acts of surrender with unfold my true path and that basking in the light as I walk might blind me from the future but lead me still in the right direction as long as I have faith.
I have become a truly independent woman who has created my own life and my heart is full of love…for my family, my friends and for myself.
I want not a thing but to strive to be my very best.
And I am confident the universe with provide.
All I have to do is unleash my magical Powers…
You know what else has magical powers? Just Saying….
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
THE FILING THE PAPERWORK DANCE
(Cause the paperwork has got to get done!)
Bring your pile of paperwork to the desk…pull out your chair and sit down…take a deep breathe, cause you can’t let the paperwork overwhelm you (it has that power.) Pull open your file cabinet and find where the first paper goes…damm! who put these things back not in alphabetical order…crap it might have been me being a ding dong…alright…now next paper you got to sign and stamp…and file it away….keep filing till your stack is done…always remember…rewarding yourself with a cocktail is always appropriate and highly recommended…
(Being Divorced Parts I & II are Blogs 74 & 75)
I got an email from my ex-husband, the subject line said “Doneski” and I knew. All at once a flood of finality and freedom rushed my being…a soft shiver rolled up my spine and sent excitement tingles all over.
This week my mission is to head to city hall, and get my name back…why would I ever give up a last name like “Powers”…I am such a ding dong, I am…and if you see a red-hued rainbow streaking in the sky unyielding bursts of glitter, it may be my super powers finally kicking in…who knows what might happen.
Since the email, thoughts have been swirling in my head….mostly images about the girl I was then, and the woman I have metamorphosed into today.
To me it is almost intangible as well as the most succulent revenge.
I remember back to those years when my dog had died, the realization that I was unhappy had overtaken and paralyzed me…something had to give.
I went to my husband and told him that I was miserable, that owning the restaurant was just too much, my burden was to heavy, and to be honest…it was not what I wanted to do.
I proposed that we moved to San Francisco, we would have the support of my family and that he could still be a great chef without the weight of owning a restaurant…and I could go figure out what the fuck would make me happy.
He asked, “What do you want to do?”
I replied that I have always wanted to work with fashion and I think it would be something that I am good at.
The man who’s dream I had invested my time, money and life into, looked me dead in the eye, laughed and said, “I don’t think you can do that...”
As the months followed I tried to salvage my marriage…but no one can make you satisfied but yourself…and sometimes a road simply waits for your readiness to amble upon it.
When I came to the city, I headed right back into the restaurant business…probably cause it was easy and I was scared…and quite lost.
Until recently I have always felt like I lacked something as a woman.
It used to be my living situation when I first came back to the city and stayed in my parent’s basement. When I moved to my own lair in the tenderloin my self-confidence started to build but lack of conviction with my career still left me feeling inadequate and not quite up to par.
Yet since reading the magic words that my divorce is final through the courts…I have kept on thinking about that day in which I was told my husband didn’t believe in my abilities.
And as my thoughts subside from their spiral tornados…I sit back with a soft smile of elegance and satisfaction and a supple gleam dancing in my eyes (if you know me, you know this look quite well)…because for some reason, without intention or thought…but I think due to fate and destiny…I find myself working full time for a tie-dye clothing company.
It has only recently dawned on me.
I have done it, what I said I was going to do...fulfilling my self prophecy…I have proven my ex-husband wrong…and accomplished a dream I have had since I was young….I am working in the fashion business…with rainbows no less.
Without even meaning to, or realizing that I had…
It has taken me a second to absorb it all in…I didn’t get it at first.
And these feelings…of contentment and satisfaction have empowered me…allowing an aora of serenity to emulate from my being…causing my heart to soften in a way I so desired and knew it so needed to.
For tranquility with yourself brings a sweet peace as well as a distilled immaculate grace.
I wake up everyday, thankful for the blessings that I have and understand that only hard work and patience with sincere acts of surrender with unfold my true path and that basking in the light as I walk might blind me from the future but lead me still in the right direction as long as I have faith.
I have become a truly independent woman who has created my own life and my heart is full of love…for my family, my friends and for myself.
I want not a thing but to strive to be my very best.
And I am confident the universe with provide.
All I have to do is unleash my magical Powers…
You know what else has magical powers? Just Saying….
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
THE FILING THE PAPERWORK DANCE
(Cause the paperwork has got to get done!)
Bring your pile of paperwork to the desk…pull out your chair and sit down…take a deep breathe, cause you can’t let the paperwork overwhelm you (it has that power.) Pull open your file cabinet and find where the first paper goes…damm! who put these things back not in alphabetical order…crap it might have been me being a ding dong…alright…now next paper you got to sign and stamp…and file it away….keep filing till your stack is done…always remember…rewarding yourself with a cocktail is always appropriate and highly recommended…
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Blog 100: My Moment
Blog 100: My Moment
I stood on the stage of the Fillmore and watched the balloons and confetti drop…as they swirled like snowflaked ballerinas puretting down to the ground I took a step back and tried to absorb everything that I felt…I hugged my lavender feather boa (it matched my lavender-rainbow-prism dress to a tee) around me tight and felt a numbing notion of serenity.
As a San Francisco native, the stage of the Fillmore was one of the best places a princess could be to ring in the New Year. That being said, I was alone…by choice…I could of gone to the front of the stage and hugged the fellow ladies that danced before me, thrown beads or waved, I could have stayed down with my friends, I could have chosen a random dude (or an old love) to plant a wet one on (with my dress I would have gotten no complaints)…but it was not my time to do so…it was my time to stand in the shadows with a content and serene smile on my face and contemplate.
Timing is everything in life…and we all have our time…whether in this lifetime or the next.
Sometimes it is our moment to be loved and kissed and held…sometimes it is our time to mourn a foreseen ending of a beloved…sometimes we simply cry…sometimes it is our time to stand in the middle and have everyone cheer…sometimes it is our moment to take it all in, to realize what lies on the horizon, to put things in perspective…to understand.
It is funny how life works the way that it does…
It is comical how life can make perfect sense if we try not to make any sense out of it at all…and just cause you think you understand, doesn’t mean you comprehend.
Sometimes clarity hits you as quickly as a balloon can pop...
For the rest of the evening thoughts flashed through my mind…points of realizations brought jolts to my being every now and then…and peace and tranquility took over (as much as they can at 5 in the morning!)
I reminisced about past New Years…I remembered my pain…my tears…my journeys that have unfolded the path that lies before me.
I recalled lying on the floor crying 3 days after I decided to leave my husband four years ago…alone…watching Dick Clark stroke count it down…how far I have come…and yet one day…I might return to that moment of solitude.
How my loneliness then was painful and succumbing and at the bottom of a cavernous trench of sorrow and tears.
How standing alone this year made me feel powerful, independent and at peace.
And as my journey continues I am acutely aware that my timing is before me.
I acknowledge my moment is here.
This is my new beginning…on the 13th year of this century in which I will turn 33 years old.
Every new year before I have looked at them dauntingly…wanting what I want, but knowing the possibility might be futile…desiring things that need not be necessary upon the path to salvation.
And yet, as the confetti and balloons began to succumb to the empty air…I looked upon the New Year with ideals I had never witnessed inside myself before.
I do not want a thing this year…I have learned that the things that I want and spend my time desiring and craving are the very things that once I obtain…I distain.
And that worrying about things I know not of will be my demise.
For this is my time…and yes there will be pain, and tears and sorrow and they will make the bright days shine more incandescently and the light shall shed focus on the meaning of it all.
This year I surrender…to the unknown…to the breathless wonders that fall before me…to the direction I shall walk.
I know that I will amble upon the right route…for that is what faith and destiny are all about.
And I am princess…finally ready to be a Queen.
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
THE BLADE OF GRASS
Stand still and tall…every time someone walks past you tilt in the direction that they are going, the faster they walk or run, the further to the side you go…always coming back to standing straight…if someone cuts past you really fast, when you come to…bend your knees a little and slowly straighten them…cause a blade of grass that gets cut…always grows back.
I stood on the stage of the Fillmore and watched the balloons and confetti drop…as they swirled like snowflaked ballerinas puretting down to the ground I took a step back and tried to absorb everything that I felt…I hugged my lavender feather boa (it matched my lavender-rainbow-prism dress to a tee) around me tight and felt a numbing notion of serenity.
As a San Francisco native, the stage of the Fillmore was one of the best places a princess could be to ring in the New Year. That being said, I was alone…by choice…I could of gone to the front of the stage and hugged the fellow ladies that danced before me, thrown beads or waved, I could have stayed down with my friends, I could have chosen a random dude (or an old love) to plant a wet one on (with my dress I would have gotten no complaints)…but it was not my time to do so…it was my time to stand in the shadows with a content and serene smile on my face and contemplate.
Timing is everything in life…and we all have our time…whether in this lifetime or the next.
Sometimes it is our moment to be loved and kissed and held…sometimes it is our time to mourn a foreseen ending of a beloved…sometimes we simply cry…sometimes it is our time to stand in the middle and have everyone cheer…sometimes it is our moment to take it all in, to realize what lies on the horizon, to put things in perspective…to understand.
It is funny how life works the way that it does…
It is comical how life can make perfect sense if we try not to make any sense out of it at all…and just cause you think you understand, doesn’t mean you comprehend.
Sometimes clarity hits you as quickly as a balloon can pop...
For the rest of the evening thoughts flashed through my mind…points of realizations brought jolts to my being every now and then…and peace and tranquility took over (as much as they can at 5 in the morning!)
I reminisced about past New Years…I remembered my pain…my tears…my journeys that have unfolded the path that lies before me.
I recalled lying on the floor crying 3 days after I decided to leave my husband four years ago…alone…watching Dick Clark stroke count it down…how far I have come…and yet one day…I might return to that moment of solitude.
How my loneliness then was painful and succumbing and at the bottom of a cavernous trench of sorrow and tears.
How standing alone this year made me feel powerful, independent and at peace.
And as my journey continues I am acutely aware that my timing is before me.
I acknowledge my moment is here.
This is my new beginning…on the 13th year of this century in which I will turn 33 years old.
Every new year before I have looked at them dauntingly…wanting what I want, but knowing the possibility might be futile…desiring things that need not be necessary upon the path to salvation.
And yet, as the confetti and balloons began to succumb to the empty air…I looked upon the New Year with ideals I had never witnessed inside myself before.
I do not want a thing this year…I have learned that the things that I want and spend my time desiring and craving are the very things that once I obtain…I distain.
And that worrying about things I know not of will be my demise.
For this is my time…and yes there will be pain, and tears and sorrow and they will make the bright days shine more incandescently and the light shall shed focus on the meaning of it all.
This year I surrender…to the unknown…to the breathless wonders that fall before me…to the direction I shall walk.
I know that I will amble upon the right route…for that is what faith and destiny are all about.
And I am princess…finally ready to be a Queen.
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
THE BLADE OF GRASS
Stand still and tall…every time someone walks past you tilt in the direction that they are going, the faster they walk or run, the further to the side you go…always coming back to standing straight…if someone cuts past you really fast, when you come to…bend your knees a little and slowly straighten them…cause a blade of grass that gets cut…always grows back.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Blog 99: Why I am a Princess
Blog 99: Why I am a Princess.
So I am almost to a hundred of these diary thingies and I was thinking, all these blogs have passed and besides the first blog, I never really told you all why I consider myself a princess…and before I cross my centennial, I might as well give an explanation.
I am a princess because I said so…so yes, a self-appointed one would be a good term.
No I don’t have a crown (I do have a shit ton of glitter though…over 15 colors!)…and I don’t live in a castle (I do live by myself in a rent controlled studio for under a grand…so in an expensive ass city like San Francisco…it is a close second…now if I lived in “The Castle Apartments” we could totally talk)…and I don’t have crazy jewels (I do have a butt load of feather earrings and a copious amount of tie-dye yoga pants)…but the fact is, it is not what I have that makes me a princess, it is because of who I am.
Truthfully, I think we are all royalty, some people just fail to recognize it within themselves….so please take a short moment…gaze down upon yourself…and see the awesomeness that is you.
I always knew I was a Princess, but thought I needed other people to see it before I allowed myself to believe.
I have discovered that is not how this action works…one has to see the power within…and let it shine, before others can open their eyes.
When I moved back home to San Francisco, I didn’t have close friends to lean on, I was all alone…I had lost everything and was starting all over in the basement of my parents house…I didn’t feel good about myself at all.
And then I made a sacrifice, I put off doing something I longed to do in order to move out (something I still have not done)…even though everyone told me I would not be able to “handle” the Tenderloin I moved here a month before my 30th birthday… over two and a half years ago
At this point I remember longing for something/one to believe in…to give me strength to cope, to tell me all this would be okay…and that my decisions about leaving my husband and my old life were just.
Sometimes when the darkness and gloom has taken over the only light one can find is within themselves.
I found my lumination, my sunshine, it was in the mirror…blinking a pair of emerald doe eyes back at me.
And as I examined her with distain and grace, I could not deny the power that emulated from within, no matter how much I didn’t believe…or did not want to see…it was staring back at me…blinding me.
As my thoughts continued to parade in my head my father’s motto of, “Surrender” flashed before me…
And so I did…I succumbed to my flaws, my achievements, my sorrows, my silliness, my defeats…all of it…all of me.
Now this is a lesson and a thought that I have to constantly remember for it is a hard path to pillage but oh so worthy of its walk, accompanied by breathtaking views.
Empowering the potential that I have within me…inspired inner decency…
As well as a willingness to cast aside wrongful interpretations and judgments of others and accept them as they stand before me.
Humans…full of humility.
The better understanding and leeway you give yourself…the more allowing of other people one becomes and the better one becomes at seeing life as beautiful lessons that lead towards enlightenment…we all fuck up…in order for us to all learn…it is journey…and there is a road, but by no means a simple highway.
We can’t be mad at ourselves for being ding dongs or chicken fuckers…we have to love who we are and rock that shit out!
Believe in our Royalty.
Treat yourself like you are a King or a Queen.
For one cannot put faith in others unless they utilize and practice that same notion for themselves.
So yes, I am a Princess…and whatever else I want to be…because I control my destiny, and the power to be what I want to be…lies inside of me….
And we shant forget…there is always room for more kingdoms in the Promise Land.
At last, be aware that seeing your inner greatness helps others see their own…we should encourage everyone to shine.
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
THE RUNWAY STRUT
Have you ever put on an outfit or a dress that made you feel like a hundred bucks (it could be a tie-dyed oneZZZ, it could be a Princess Dress, it could be a pair of jeans that makes your ass look…DELICIOUS!...whatever it is, you know what I am talking about.) Sometimes when you go out, you got to show yourself off a little. So start at one end of the bar, toss your head back and make sure your shoulders are nice and back and your chest is out a little, and STRUT…make sure you are swaying your hips a little from side to side and maybe have one hand on your butt shelf (yeah, I said butt shelf…what)…when you get to the other end of the bar, do a slow turn and finishing standing facing the bartender…order your drink…sip it…hold it for a picture taking moment…turn again and STRUT back….when you get back to your friends and find that they still haven’t gotten their drinks yet…you will understand what the dance is all about!
So I am almost to a hundred of these diary thingies and I was thinking, all these blogs have passed and besides the first blog, I never really told you all why I consider myself a princess…and before I cross my centennial, I might as well give an explanation.
I am a princess because I said so…so yes, a self-appointed one would be a good term.
No I don’t have a crown (I do have a shit ton of glitter though…over 15 colors!)…and I don’t live in a castle (I do live by myself in a rent controlled studio for under a grand…so in an expensive ass city like San Francisco…it is a close second…now if I lived in “The Castle Apartments” we could totally talk)…and I don’t have crazy jewels (I do have a butt load of feather earrings and a copious amount of tie-dye yoga pants)…but the fact is, it is not what I have that makes me a princess, it is because of who I am.
Truthfully, I think we are all royalty, some people just fail to recognize it within themselves….so please take a short moment…gaze down upon yourself…and see the awesomeness that is you.
I always knew I was a Princess, but thought I needed other people to see it before I allowed myself to believe.
I have discovered that is not how this action works…one has to see the power within…and let it shine, before others can open their eyes.
When I moved back home to San Francisco, I didn’t have close friends to lean on, I was all alone…I had lost everything and was starting all over in the basement of my parents house…I didn’t feel good about myself at all.
And then I made a sacrifice, I put off doing something I longed to do in order to move out (something I still have not done)…even though everyone told me I would not be able to “handle” the Tenderloin I moved here a month before my 30th birthday… over two and a half years ago
At this point I remember longing for something/one to believe in…to give me strength to cope, to tell me all this would be okay…and that my decisions about leaving my husband and my old life were just.
Sometimes when the darkness and gloom has taken over the only light one can find is within themselves.
I found my lumination, my sunshine, it was in the mirror…blinking a pair of emerald doe eyes back at me.
And as I examined her with distain and grace, I could not deny the power that emulated from within, no matter how much I didn’t believe…or did not want to see…it was staring back at me…blinding me.
As my thoughts continued to parade in my head my father’s motto of, “Surrender” flashed before me…
And so I did…I succumbed to my flaws, my achievements, my sorrows, my silliness, my defeats…all of it…all of me.
Now this is a lesson and a thought that I have to constantly remember for it is a hard path to pillage but oh so worthy of its walk, accompanied by breathtaking views.
Empowering the potential that I have within me…inspired inner decency…
As well as a willingness to cast aside wrongful interpretations and judgments of others and accept them as they stand before me.
Humans…full of humility.
The better understanding and leeway you give yourself…the more allowing of other people one becomes and the better one becomes at seeing life as beautiful lessons that lead towards enlightenment…we all fuck up…in order for us to all learn…it is journey…and there is a road, but by no means a simple highway.
We can’t be mad at ourselves for being ding dongs or chicken fuckers…we have to love who we are and rock that shit out!
Believe in our Royalty.
Treat yourself like you are a King or a Queen.
For one cannot put faith in others unless they utilize and practice that same notion for themselves.
So yes, I am a Princess…and whatever else I want to be…because I control my destiny, and the power to be what I want to be…lies inside of me….
And we shant forget…there is always room for more kingdoms in the Promise Land.
At last, be aware that seeing your inner greatness helps others see their own…we should encourage everyone to shine.
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
THE RUNWAY STRUT
Have you ever put on an outfit or a dress that made you feel like a hundred bucks (it could be a tie-dyed oneZZZ, it could be a Princess Dress, it could be a pair of jeans that makes your ass look…DELICIOUS!...whatever it is, you know what I am talking about.) Sometimes when you go out, you got to show yourself off a little. So start at one end of the bar, toss your head back and make sure your shoulders are nice and back and your chest is out a little, and STRUT…make sure you are swaying your hips a little from side to side and maybe have one hand on your butt shelf (yeah, I said butt shelf…what)…when you get to the other end of the bar, do a slow turn and finishing standing facing the bartender…order your drink…sip it…hold it for a picture taking moment…turn again and STRUT back….when you get back to your friends and find that they still haven’t gotten their drinks yet…you will understand what the dance is all about!
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Blog 98: “We Got Trouble”
Blog 98: “We Got Trouble”
I was at the Rebirth Brass Band show last week and as the horns blared and the snare drum whipped me into shape I heard the words, “We got trouble” repeated over and over again…and the whole time they were singing the song…
I thought they were talking about me….
Cause, like hellllllo…
I AM SOME MOTHERFUCKING TROUBLE…totally!
(you know what else is some motherfucking trouble?)
From the red curly hair, the devilish grin, the snorted laugh, the uber high voice, the glitter-backed mysterious grin, the white girl dance moves, the fact that I call everyone “papi” …to the fire muff….
Yup there is some torment up in this bitch.
And it is not necessarily a bad kinda trouble…wellllllllllllll.
There has been the rare occasions where I have just been plan naughty (but each time I have smelled awesome!) And those few and far between occurrences usually involve myself and maybe a dude…and I am pretty sure they were okay with me being turbulent and buoyant…just saying.
Mostly though, I am the best kinda of trouble.
For me trouble is the unexpected…it’s the bump in the road you never saw coming but that slowed you down when you were going to fast, or the night out that you thought was going to be boring and ending up being the best night of your life…it is the laughter over nothing…it is learning how to shift and move and change….it is talking to people you would never talk to and going places you never would have seen…trouble is pushing your box, it is what sets you free…
It can also leave you in its misery.
The pain of trouble usually comes from a wallowing in self-doubt.
Why doubt, why not just live.
I do what makes me happy and when it stops making me happy, I’m done.
I mean it is not like I do anything illegal (we are leaving drugs out of this statement)
I don’t hurt people (intentionally) I just know how to have a good time and know exactly what I like…and thoroughly enjoy learning about things that make me go “ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm”
So yeah, I stir the pot…but you know what, if you don’t stir it, it gets all yucky at the bottom and gross and crusty and it doesn’t taste good…you need to tend to your pot constantly.
You got to add spice to life….you got to keep it fresh.
And while there is comfort in monotony, one can be overcome with a sense of staleness.
Everyday I look at my picture of Ken Kesey and the words that are under it,
“The answer is never the answer. What’s really interesting is the mystery. If you seek the mystery instead of the answer, you’ll always be seeking. I’ve never seen anybody really find the answer…they think they have, so they stop thinking. But the job is to seek mystery, evoke mystery, plant a garden in which strange plants grow and mysteries blossom. The need for the mystery is greater than the need for an answer.”
Those words keep me going…and if trouble means that I am never satisfied, that I am always searching and nary very still…then so be it…that’s how I roll.
I will continue to wonder, to ponder, to seek…and if bad shit happens than that is how I learn my lessons.
But just cause it might be trouble, doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy every single second of it.
Trouble can be a good thing, it is just really how you look at it...and whether or not it smells good….and I shower three times a day, so we know the answer to that question.
Now go cause some of that “good trouble!”
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
THE HAIR FLIP (inspired by an awesome boss and a best friend)
So the first part of this dance is checking the wind, cause lets be honest, you can’t go flipping hair against wind here peeps. So lick your finger, stick it in the air…all right, the wind is blowing in the right direction…sweet. Walk up to a friend and grab the front part of your hair and flip your head and then start to bat your eyelashes. Now flip again (do not hurt your neck, we are not Olympic hair flippers here!) and let the eyelashes roll…if your friend hasn’t gotten the hint and passed you the joint yet, you just might want to say, “Yo chicken fucker, puff, puff, pass.” Unless you have hair in your eye, then by all means…flip again.
I was at the Rebirth Brass Band show last week and as the horns blared and the snare drum whipped me into shape I heard the words, “We got trouble” repeated over and over again…and the whole time they were singing the song…
I thought they were talking about me….
Cause, like hellllllo…
I AM SOME MOTHERFUCKING TROUBLE…totally!
(you know what else is some motherfucking trouble?)
From the red curly hair, the devilish grin, the snorted laugh, the uber high voice, the glitter-backed mysterious grin, the white girl dance moves, the fact that I call everyone “papi” …to the fire muff….
Yup there is some torment up in this bitch.
And it is not necessarily a bad kinda trouble…wellllllllllllll.
There has been the rare occasions where I have just been plan naughty (but each time I have smelled awesome!) And those few and far between occurrences usually involve myself and maybe a dude…and I am pretty sure they were okay with me being turbulent and buoyant…just saying.
Mostly though, I am the best kinda of trouble.
For me trouble is the unexpected…it’s the bump in the road you never saw coming but that slowed you down when you were going to fast, or the night out that you thought was going to be boring and ending up being the best night of your life…it is the laughter over nothing…it is learning how to shift and move and change….it is talking to people you would never talk to and going places you never would have seen…trouble is pushing your box, it is what sets you free…
It can also leave you in its misery.
The pain of trouble usually comes from a wallowing in self-doubt.
Why doubt, why not just live.
I do what makes me happy and when it stops making me happy, I’m done.
I mean it is not like I do anything illegal (we are leaving drugs out of this statement)
I don’t hurt people (intentionally) I just know how to have a good time and know exactly what I like…and thoroughly enjoy learning about things that make me go “ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm”
So yeah, I stir the pot…but you know what, if you don’t stir it, it gets all yucky at the bottom and gross and crusty and it doesn’t taste good…you need to tend to your pot constantly.
You got to add spice to life….you got to keep it fresh.
And while there is comfort in monotony, one can be overcome with a sense of staleness.
Everyday I look at my picture of Ken Kesey and the words that are under it,
“The answer is never the answer. What’s really interesting is the mystery. If you seek the mystery instead of the answer, you’ll always be seeking. I’ve never seen anybody really find the answer…they think they have, so they stop thinking. But the job is to seek mystery, evoke mystery, plant a garden in which strange plants grow and mysteries blossom. The need for the mystery is greater than the need for an answer.”
Those words keep me going…and if trouble means that I am never satisfied, that I am always searching and nary very still…then so be it…that’s how I roll.
I will continue to wonder, to ponder, to seek…and if bad shit happens than that is how I learn my lessons.
But just cause it might be trouble, doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy every single second of it.
Trouble can be a good thing, it is just really how you look at it...and whether or not it smells good….and I shower three times a day, so we know the answer to that question.
Now go cause some of that “good trouble!”
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
THE HAIR FLIP (inspired by an awesome boss and a best friend)
So the first part of this dance is checking the wind, cause lets be honest, you can’t go flipping hair against wind here peeps. So lick your finger, stick it in the air…all right, the wind is blowing in the right direction…sweet. Walk up to a friend and grab the front part of your hair and flip your head and then start to bat your eyelashes. Now flip again (do not hurt your neck, we are not Olympic hair flippers here!) and let the eyelashes roll…if your friend hasn’t gotten the hint and passed you the joint yet, you just might want to say, “Yo chicken fucker, puff, puff, pass.” Unless you have hair in your eye, then by all means…flip again.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Blog 97: Addiction
Blog 97: Addiction
I have addictions…Glitter, Blue Mascara, Princess Dresses, Bacon and more Bacon, Soy Lattes, Ras Romeos, Epic Tie-dyed Rainbows, Donny Hathaway, those Yellowish Hostess Cupcakes, Lazy Mornings, Watermelon Juice, Buttwalks, Pimm’s Cups, The Boom Boom Room, Sparkle Flip-flops & Original Super Skunk to name a few.
And I love all my addictions…they satisfy me…they send shivers of contentment down my spine.
But how do I find a balance…how do I find satisfaction in all things?
What is good for me and what is bad?
I have been pondering these thoughts because there is a new crack head on the block…she is skinny, has curly red hair, is about twenty years older than me, and besides misses some teeth, curves and ass…she is my elder doppelganger.
I get lost staring at her…contemplating, wondering, having daymares…how do I avoid her fate.
What makes my addictions now less dangerous than the ones that she carries?
Part of seeking equilibrium in my life is controlling my addictions…making sure a habit only stays a habit and does not overtake my life.
Living in the Tenderloin I see the harsh realities of what addiction can do.
I see a people I wish not be.
I see a life I want nothing of.
In a way it has scared me straight from a lot of drugs. I sometimes read my beginning blogs and am shocked at how much I used to party…(I must be getting old)…how much quieter my life has mellowed…
And as the seasons fade away…I have seen the parallels of addiction and what it has done to myself and my friends…
I have had to say good-bye.
I have had to walk away.
I have had to deal.
I have cried.
I have forgiven…I have not forgotten.
I have relapsed.
I have been ashamed.
I have come to peace with it.
People often ask me how I feel about the crackheads on the street.
Most often I will give the response, “Addiction is a harsh lesson, that sometimes takes a lifetime to learn.”
It is something that we all deal with, simply in different forms.
No one is innocent of this sin.
Sometimes as I amble down the streets into the Pit of the Tenderloin I become encompassed with guilt and rage…angry with people not able to control themselves.
Sometimes tears well in my eyes…
Often as I leave I glance up and hope…
Sometimes I just wanna help…
But the only addict that I can help is me…that is the crazy thing about addiction.
That shit is personal…for one cannot resolve a problem that one does not see.
For the greatest fixes have the most incredible highs.
And as we lay curled on a dirt floor we think not of the rot under our nails but of the bliss of not caring…of not dealing…
For life can be a harsh bitter storm…and yet I find a grace in the honesty of it all…coming to terms with the ups and the downs…acknowledging my vices and shortcomings…helps me deal with everyone’s humanity.
We all have battles to fight…addictions to cure…some bad, some good, some innocent and needed.
And I can only hope that I hold enough strength to not succumb to the poisonous apple.
I pray for my future…for my balance.
And I hope some lessons, don’t take more than a lifetime to learn.
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
THE SUPER SKUNK
Now the most important part of this dance is the Waddle. Having seen many a skunk (my dad is in a fierce two year battle with one) the thing that stands out the most besides their stripe and their smell is their walk.
So as you begin the dance, make sure you are moving back and forth in a lethargic way, and are moving awkwardly from side to side. Waddle up to a friend, or a random stranger and put your hands to the ground and your ass in the air. Wave your ass back and forth in front of the person making a “Psssssssssssssssssssssssssst” sound. Straighten yourself out and start to flap your hand in front of your nose letting everyone know you have stunk the place up! Then put your arms out in front of you like you are Superman and waddle away…cause a super skunk might smell bad, but he doesn’t smell his own stench…he only leaves it for others to sniff.
I have addictions…Glitter, Blue Mascara, Princess Dresses, Bacon and more Bacon, Soy Lattes, Ras Romeos, Epic Tie-dyed Rainbows, Donny Hathaway, those Yellowish Hostess Cupcakes, Lazy Mornings, Watermelon Juice, Buttwalks, Pimm’s Cups, The Boom Boom Room, Sparkle Flip-flops & Original Super Skunk to name a few.
And I love all my addictions…they satisfy me…they send shivers of contentment down my spine.
But how do I find a balance…how do I find satisfaction in all things?
What is good for me and what is bad?
I have been pondering these thoughts because there is a new crack head on the block…she is skinny, has curly red hair, is about twenty years older than me, and besides misses some teeth, curves and ass…she is my elder doppelganger.
I get lost staring at her…contemplating, wondering, having daymares…how do I avoid her fate.
What makes my addictions now less dangerous than the ones that she carries?
Part of seeking equilibrium in my life is controlling my addictions…making sure a habit only stays a habit and does not overtake my life.
Living in the Tenderloin I see the harsh realities of what addiction can do.
I see a people I wish not be.
I see a life I want nothing of.
In a way it has scared me straight from a lot of drugs. I sometimes read my beginning blogs and am shocked at how much I used to party…(I must be getting old)…how much quieter my life has mellowed…
And as the seasons fade away…I have seen the parallels of addiction and what it has done to myself and my friends…
I have had to say good-bye.
I have had to walk away.
I have had to deal.
I have cried.
I have forgiven…I have not forgotten.
I have relapsed.
I have been ashamed.
I have come to peace with it.
People often ask me how I feel about the crackheads on the street.
Most often I will give the response, “Addiction is a harsh lesson, that sometimes takes a lifetime to learn.”
It is something that we all deal with, simply in different forms.
No one is innocent of this sin.
Sometimes as I amble down the streets into the Pit of the Tenderloin I become encompassed with guilt and rage…angry with people not able to control themselves.
Sometimes tears well in my eyes…
Often as I leave I glance up and hope…
Sometimes I just wanna help…
But the only addict that I can help is me…that is the crazy thing about addiction.
That shit is personal…for one cannot resolve a problem that one does not see.
For the greatest fixes have the most incredible highs.
And as we lay curled on a dirt floor we think not of the rot under our nails but of the bliss of not caring…of not dealing…
For life can be a harsh bitter storm…and yet I find a grace in the honesty of it all…coming to terms with the ups and the downs…acknowledging my vices and shortcomings…helps me deal with everyone’s humanity.
We all have battles to fight…addictions to cure…some bad, some good, some innocent and needed.
And I can only hope that I hold enough strength to not succumb to the poisonous apple.
I pray for my future…for my balance.
And I hope some lessons, don’t take more than a lifetime to learn.
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
THE SUPER SKUNK
Now the most important part of this dance is the Waddle. Having seen many a skunk (my dad is in a fierce two year battle with one) the thing that stands out the most besides their stripe and their smell is their walk.
So as you begin the dance, make sure you are moving back and forth in a lethargic way, and are moving awkwardly from side to side. Waddle up to a friend, or a random stranger and put your hands to the ground and your ass in the air. Wave your ass back and forth in front of the person making a “Psssssssssssssssssssssssssst” sound. Straighten yourself out and start to flap your hand in front of your nose letting everyone know you have stunk the place up! Then put your arms out in front of you like you are Superman and waddle away…cause a super skunk might smell bad, but he doesn’t smell his own stench…he only leaves it for others to sniff.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Blog 96: Bathroom Rules, 101
Blog 96: Bathroom Rules, 101
Cause a Princess has been getting grossed the fuck out!
All right peeps, I know the Giants are in the World Series and the city as a whole has been drinking more. Where has all the booze gone? But seriously, let us not forget about the basics…and restroom civility is crucial…and smells so much better!
Your own Toilet:
Now if you live by yourself and have no roommates like yours truly, you have the right to behave however the fuck you want to in the bathroom. You don’t want to flush…fuck it…you want to pee on the floor…screw…you pay the bills, you clean up that shit (I hope to God that you do) you do with it as you please. That being said you might have to do what I do and leave a guest outside as you “lap” the inside before they enter…who knows what has been brewing…
If you have roommates or are living with someone that you hump, the rules change (especially in the humping scenario.)
Flushing becomes a must! Some things are just better kept private. Also a must is replenishing the toilet paper if you use it all up…that is what we call simply being proper! And yes, in this case…THE SEAT SHOULD GO DOWN! As well as, you should clean up any stray sprays you might have left.
You give the toilet some skid marks…you should probably drop some bleach on that bad boy…cause no one wants to witness that action!...ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
(Please note: if you are going to have guests over, especially the ladies…make sure you are prepared with toilet paper…don’t have women over if you do not have TP…it makes things totally uncomfortable and does not make you look good at ALL.)
Public Restrooms:
Yikes! Public bathrooms can be scary…and can SMELL BAD…I feel it is our duty as humans to keep the war zones as clean as possible, simply for the sake of others if nothing else.
Bathrooms that are single sexed:
Boys good luck…I don’t know what the hell happens in their but…feel free to leave the seat up, urinals are your friends…and washing your hands after touching your dick and heading out into the public is always a PLUS!
Ladies…don’t be scared…it is just a toilet seat. If you feel grossed out, wipe it down and up your levels of toilet seat covers (I have gone up to 6) or feel free to make your own with layers of toilet paper.
But if you are going to pull the “hover craft” move and squat…LIFT THE SEAT UP…cause you know you piss like a fucking geyser and sprinkler the entire seat and ruin it for everyone else….if you don’t want a guy to do it, look in the fucking mirror and YOU don’t do it…put a little class in your crouch!
If there is only one restroom for Everyone:
Pray & Encourage the lifting of the seat…it just keeps the throne dryer.
Basic Bathroom Manners:
Turn the water off! It is really not that hard, and yet…there are ding dongs that still just leave that shit flowing…granted, it makes my ability to pee that much easier, but it is a waste…I do have a pee song…anyhoo…
Certain people need to flush twice…I don’t want certain images haunting my mind, just wait a second and flush again.
Paper towels…SHOCKINGLY…go in the trash can…not on the floor, in the corner, in the toilet…just in the trash can…I know this can seem like a crazy concept to phantom…but it is not hard, and just helps the general esthetics of bathroom.
Communicate with the staff if the restroom is missing supplies of necessity. How are people suppose to know they need more cowboy hats in the ladies room if no one tells any body…just saying…
Tell peeps if they get a “fax.” (A “fax” is when someone is walking around with a piece of toilet paper on one’s shoe.) Who wants to be walking around with paper stuck to their shoe? NO ONE! People should tell people about that shit…next thing you know Warren Haynes will be getting on stage with the Original Meters with a fax and even though he is thumping out “Just Kissed My Baby” you won’t be able to fully concentrate cause you are staring at the toilet paper stuck to his boot…totally hypothetically speaking…totally (That Independent show last year was sick!)
To sum it all up: The Golden Rule of life, “Treat others as you wish to be treated.” Is also the Golden Rule of the Restroom.
Now go eat some corn and check your shit out…
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK:
THE “ME” DANCE aka THE “SUNNY POWERS” DANCE
I would like to thank my friend for coming up with this dance move…it is totally awesomeness times 11.
Have someone say my name “Sunny Powers”…right after they say it, lift your right arm out straight with your hand spread and have your left arm protect your face…lift your right leg up in the beginning of a high kick and yell “BAMM!”…You are allowed to yell, “Say it again!” and repeat the dance move as many times a necessary.
Cause a Princess has been getting grossed the fuck out!
All right peeps, I know the Giants are in the World Series and the city as a whole has been drinking more. Where has all the booze gone? But seriously, let us not forget about the basics…and restroom civility is crucial…and smells so much better!
Your own Toilet:
Now if you live by yourself and have no roommates like yours truly, you have the right to behave however the fuck you want to in the bathroom. You don’t want to flush…fuck it…you want to pee on the floor…screw…you pay the bills, you clean up that shit (I hope to God that you do) you do with it as you please. That being said you might have to do what I do and leave a guest outside as you “lap” the inside before they enter…who knows what has been brewing…
If you have roommates or are living with someone that you hump, the rules change (especially in the humping scenario.)
Flushing becomes a must! Some things are just better kept private. Also a must is replenishing the toilet paper if you use it all up…that is what we call simply being proper! And yes, in this case…THE SEAT SHOULD GO DOWN! As well as, you should clean up any stray sprays you might have left.
You give the toilet some skid marks…you should probably drop some bleach on that bad boy…cause no one wants to witness that action!...ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
(Please note: if you are going to have guests over, especially the ladies…make sure you are prepared with toilet paper…don’t have women over if you do not have TP…it makes things totally uncomfortable and does not make you look good at ALL.)
Public Restrooms:
Yikes! Public bathrooms can be scary…and can SMELL BAD…I feel it is our duty as humans to keep the war zones as clean as possible, simply for the sake of others if nothing else.
Bathrooms that are single sexed:
Boys good luck…I don’t know what the hell happens in their but…feel free to leave the seat up, urinals are your friends…and washing your hands after touching your dick and heading out into the public is always a PLUS!
Ladies…don’t be scared…it is just a toilet seat. If you feel grossed out, wipe it down and up your levels of toilet seat covers (I have gone up to 6) or feel free to make your own with layers of toilet paper.
But if you are going to pull the “hover craft” move and squat…LIFT THE SEAT UP…cause you know you piss like a fucking geyser and sprinkler the entire seat and ruin it for everyone else….if you don’t want a guy to do it, look in the fucking mirror and YOU don’t do it…put a little class in your crouch!
If there is only one restroom for Everyone:
Pray & Encourage the lifting of the seat…it just keeps the throne dryer.
Basic Bathroom Manners:
Turn the water off! It is really not that hard, and yet…there are ding dongs that still just leave that shit flowing…granted, it makes my ability to pee that much easier, but it is a waste…I do have a pee song…anyhoo…
Certain people need to flush twice…I don’t want certain images haunting my mind, just wait a second and flush again.
Paper towels…SHOCKINGLY…go in the trash can…not on the floor, in the corner, in the toilet…just in the trash can…I know this can seem like a crazy concept to phantom…but it is not hard, and just helps the general esthetics of bathroom.
Communicate with the staff if the restroom is missing supplies of necessity. How are people suppose to know they need more cowboy hats in the ladies room if no one tells any body…just saying…
Tell peeps if they get a “fax.” (A “fax” is when someone is walking around with a piece of toilet paper on one’s shoe.) Who wants to be walking around with paper stuck to their shoe? NO ONE! People should tell people about that shit…next thing you know Warren Haynes will be getting on stage with the Original Meters with a fax and even though he is thumping out “Just Kissed My Baby” you won’t be able to fully concentrate cause you are staring at the toilet paper stuck to his boot…totally hypothetically speaking…totally (That Independent show last year was sick!)
To sum it all up: The Golden Rule of life, “Treat others as you wish to be treated.” Is also the Golden Rule of the Restroom.
Now go eat some corn and check your shit out…
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK:
THE “ME” DANCE aka THE “SUNNY POWERS” DANCE
I would like to thank my friend for coming up with this dance move…it is totally awesomeness times 11.
Have someone say my name “Sunny Powers”…right after they say it, lift your right arm out straight with your hand spread and have your left arm protect your face…lift your right leg up in the beginning of a high kick and yell “BAMM!”…You are allowed to yell, “Say it again!” and repeat the dance move as many times a necessary.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Blog 95: Fallen Down, Just like a Shooting Star...
Blog 95: Fallen Down, Just like a Shooting Star...
“And you have fallen down, down from the heavens…Stuck out in the desert…Amazing grace - such a lonely place…For heroes like you and me…Fallen down, just like a shooting star…With no fallen angel standing by”
“Fallen Down” by Warren Haynes
This weekend I fainted…twice actually.
Anxiety educed the colors of blue violets and October sunsets to orbit my brain…quivers marathoned through my body…numbness overtook me…cold blackness shattered my heat…a puddle of embarrassment and fear I became on the floor.
The realization that I have not yet recovered from my head injury became a reality. The fact that it encored due to stress…made me step back and ponder the choices I have been making and the ones I need to make.
I have been working myself to death…
Deflated when I need to be buoyant in the sky.
For what?
I don’t travel, I don’t have a shit ton of money…I am exhausted constantly and have not given myself proper time to heal.
Why have I let money become such a tension in my life?
Why am I spending so much time on shit I don’t even want to do?
When am I going to take my own advice and slow down and enjoy the satisfaction that comes from stillness?
When am I going to allow myself an opportunity to recover?
How am I going to accomplish my dreams if I wait tables at a place that I don’t really want to work at…I am over filling freaking water bottles…I want more!
When will I collapse from simply overworking…oh wait…I already have.
When am I going to slow down?
Why in the name of all that is holy am I working so freaking much?
Fuck this noise…I have got to re-evaluate my priorities and get me right.
And so I am…
I am done with the restaurant business…a yearly resolution has been accomplished…but sacrifices will have to made.
I am going to be poor again (more than I already am)…but rich in time.
And the precious minutes of life that I gift to myself I believe are vastly more important than a green piece of paper that has lead to the death of a society.
I can also foresee a life of less stress…and stress has cause the greatest pain in my life…it was the onset of my psoriasis both times, it causes me to get all crazy emotional and distraught, it forces me to put pressure on things that I need not fret about…working less means more time to be me…to put energy into the things I deem important in order to better myself.
Sometimes you do have to take a step back before you are able to move forward.
It gives me solace that I have my friends and family on my side encouraging me to take this break.
Cause I could really fucking use one.
Maybe I have kept myself busy in order to ignore the image staring back in the looking glass.
Maybe the delicate tranquility of relaxation will bring a soft clarity.
Sometimes when you fall down, you need to rest, recharge, regroup and get a whole new perception.
And make a wish on a shooting star…
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
THE FAINTING DANCE…duhhhhhhhhhhhhh
This dance move is oh so simple…groove in your place for a couple seconds…shake your head and grab it for a second…wobble from side to side, reach out and grab a friend’s arm…and go down!
This move is great for a couple reasons…it makes those who faint more comfortable with what they endure…and it is great for awesome ground-scores that you don’t want others to find…twofer!
“And you have fallen down, down from the heavens…Stuck out in the desert…Amazing grace - such a lonely place…For heroes like you and me…Fallen down, just like a shooting star…With no fallen angel standing by”
“Fallen Down” by Warren Haynes
This weekend I fainted…twice actually.
Anxiety educed the colors of blue violets and October sunsets to orbit my brain…quivers marathoned through my body…numbness overtook me…cold blackness shattered my heat…a puddle of embarrassment and fear I became on the floor.
The realization that I have not yet recovered from my head injury became a reality. The fact that it encored due to stress…made me step back and ponder the choices I have been making and the ones I need to make.
I have been working myself to death…
Deflated when I need to be buoyant in the sky.
For what?
I don’t travel, I don’t have a shit ton of money…I am exhausted constantly and have not given myself proper time to heal.
Why have I let money become such a tension in my life?
Why am I spending so much time on shit I don’t even want to do?
When am I going to take my own advice and slow down and enjoy the satisfaction that comes from stillness?
When am I going to allow myself an opportunity to recover?
How am I going to accomplish my dreams if I wait tables at a place that I don’t really want to work at…I am over filling freaking water bottles…I want more!
When will I collapse from simply overworking…oh wait…I already have.
When am I going to slow down?
Why in the name of all that is holy am I working so freaking much?
Fuck this noise…I have got to re-evaluate my priorities and get me right.
And so I am…
I am done with the restaurant business…a yearly resolution has been accomplished…but sacrifices will have to made.
I am going to be poor again (more than I already am)…but rich in time.
And the precious minutes of life that I gift to myself I believe are vastly more important than a green piece of paper that has lead to the death of a society.
I can also foresee a life of less stress…and stress has cause the greatest pain in my life…it was the onset of my psoriasis both times, it causes me to get all crazy emotional and distraught, it forces me to put pressure on things that I need not fret about…working less means more time to be me…to put energy into the things I deem important in order to better myself.
Sometimes you do have to take a step back before you are able to move forward.
It gives me solace that I have my friends and family on my side encouraging me to take this break.
Cause I could really fucking use one.
Maybe I have kept myself busy in order to ignore the image staring back in the looking glass.
Maybe the delicate tranquility of relaxation will bring a soft clarity.
Sometimes when you fall down, you need to rest, recharge, regroup and get a whole new perception.
And make a wish on a shooting star…
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
THE FAINTING DANCE…duhhhhhhhhhhhhh
This dance move is oh so simple…groove in your place for a couple seconds…shake your head and grab it for a second…wobble from side to side, reach out and grab a friend’s arm…and go down!
This move is great for a couple reasons…it makes those who faint more comfortable with what they endure…and it is great for awesome ground-scores that you don’t want others to find…twofer!
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Blog 94: What we Think we Know…
Blog 94: What we Think we Know…
Isn’t funny how we as people think we comprehend one another, when in reality the only people we really know is ourselves…and even then, we can surprise …spontaneity and freedom of choice is an amazing thing that no one can truly see coming.
Have you ever had a person say something about you that is so off base you wonder if they think there are bases in soccer?
I had this experience this weekend and it has me thinking…How much do we really understand each other and how much do we just think we know?
I was hanging out with very close friends, some I had just met and a few I just know from out and about.
One of the gentleman that I just know from going out to shows told a stranger that I was the type of woman that needed a ring right quick and a big yellow-diamond one at that.
Thank God I was inhaling my new hash vapor pen (gooooo vapor pins and being able to smoke where ever the fuck I want…whoop, whoop, whoop!) and not drinking my gin cause that shit would have squirted that ding dong dead in the eye.
I went to say something…maybe even, “You all know I am right here and not a deaf mother-fucker.” But I decided to say “fuck it” and let the cloddish man continue with his assessment of this princess…cause free TV is free TV, so I sucked my hash pen, giggled to myself and coughed a little…and let my thoughts tango in my head.
I have never even been to this dudes house, we have never had a one on one conversation…I think he has been to my apartment once but I didn’t invite him he came with friends…where he got this notion from, simply confused the shit out of me.
But people are going to come to their own conclusions and that has got to be cool.
Like I would ever give up my rent-controlled apartment in a place I call my kingdom for a man…bitch please!
And an expensive ring on my finger, that would make me nervous as fuck…the month I had my iphone stressed me the fuck out…not to mention I am a total emerald girl.
I was with my ex-husband for ten years, marriage scares the shit out of me…in fact, commitment at this point frightens the hell out of me…what if I make another mistake?
While I enjoy a partner’s embrace and often miss it…I have found myself as of late being with men who are my friends who I know can’t commit, cause they are going through the same growing pains as I am…and I love them and they love me, but that by no means assumes that we can be in a relationship for one reason or another.
I am just not ready for a relationship…I need to figure shit out in my own reality.
And who would know that about me, but me.
I said not a word to defend myself…cause I shouldn’t have to…those people who want to take the time to know me can, those that want to believe what others say, can put their faith in them…what ever makes you happy I am a firm believer.
The truth of the matter is you can’t really be familiar with someone else…unless they never shut up and say every word that they think, you just are not acutely aware of what makes someone who they are, and even if you do hear everything that rolls out of their mouth, it’s all about perception baby!
You can tell someone that you want to go home and play twister and they think you wanna fuck….when in all actuality, you really want to play twister (yoga has made me a fierce competitor at this game) or apples to apples, or connect four, even a tawdry game of war…you know I always carry a deck of cards in my purse for late night action-ness.
I am so brutally honest that if I wanted to hump someone I would say, “I am horny, let’s hump!”…Not ask them over for a late night game, but that is just me.
And I don’t even know myself that fucking well, how is someone else suppose to get me….and trying to figure someone else out…is a whole lotta work, and I am one busy bitch…I just let you be you and let the awesomeness unfold.
Not to mention the fact that we are all constantly evolving
The person that we are today learns lessons daily, morphing into who we become in the future…evolution is always in motion.
And what if we catch someone one a bad day…what if work was a bitch, what if they have been up for two days, what if they are starting to feel sick, what if they are going through some shit…just cause someone acted a certain way or mentioned something at this time by no means makes that what defines them…perception of people, in my opinion, is for people that have way to much time on their hands.
Trying to figure anyone out…is pointless to me…cause you ain’t really ever going to truly understand the thoughts that swirl in people’s mind.
You just got to have faith that people are good…that we all strive for enlightenment.
Whether someone is on the chosen path or not is not up for us decide.
It is a walk we all must take ourselves, and support each other along the journey.
I am going to try to figure my own damm self out before I cast my gaze upon anyone else’s thought…and I am pretty sure that I will keep myself busy for lifetimes to come.
Cheers to finding out who you really are, cause that is some hard ass shit!
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
PICKING THE CHERRIES
Start with your basket in your hand (I put it in my left hand, but what ever floats your boat)…now with your free hand start to pick the cherries off one little bunch at a time. Ohhhh, that one is a chicken fucker, you got to pull it and twist a couple times…Yey! You got it off, something that took that much effort you got to sample…pop that action in your mouth…that is one juicy and tasty motherfucker! (Sometimes I have to put one arm up to celebrate a good cherry.) Since we are in the field we can just spit that pit right out…oh don’t hit the other cherry picker in the head with your pit that is kinda gross, but can happen…and continue with your arm up picking away until your basket is full…then cherry pie here you come!
Isn’t funny how we as people think we comprehend one another, when in reality the only people we really know is ourselves…and even then, we can surprise …spontaneity and freedom of choice is an amazing thing that no one can truly see coming.
Have you ever had a person say something about you that is so off base you wonder if they think there are bases in soccer?
I had this experience this weekend and it has me thinking…How much do we really understand each other and how much do we just think we know?
I was hanging out with very close friends, some I had just met and a few I just know from out and about.
One of the gentleman that I just know from going out to shows told a stranger that I was the type of woman that needed a ring right quick and a big yellow-diamond one at that.
Thank God I was inhaling my new hash vapor pen (gooooo vapor pins and being able to smoke where ever the fuck I want…whoop, whoop, whoop!) and not drinking my gin cause that shit would have squirted that ding dong dead in the eye.
I went to say something…maybe even, “You all know I am right here and not a deaf mother-fucker.” But I decided to say “fuck it” and let the cloddish man continue with his assessment of this princess…cause free TV is free TV, so I sucked my hash pen, giggled to myself and coughed a little…and let my thoughts tango in my head.
I have never even been to this dudes house, we have never had a one on one conversation…I think he has been to my apartment once but I didn’t invite him he came with friends…where he got this notion from, simply confused the shit out of me.
But people are going to come to their own conclusions and that has got to be cool.
Like I would ever give up my rent-controlled apartment in a place I call my kingdom for a man…bitch please!
And an expensive ring on my finger, that would make me nervous as fuck…the month I had my iphone stressed me the fuck out…not to mention I am a total emerald girl.
I was with my ex-husband for ten years, marriage scares the shit out of me…in fact, commitment at this point frightens the hell out of me…what if I make another mistake?
While I enjoy a partner’s embrace and often miss it…I have found myself as of late being with men who are my friends who I know can’t commit, cause they are going through the same growing pains as I am…and I love them and they love me, but that by no means assumes that we can be in a relationship for one reason or another.
I am just not ready for a relationship…I need to figure shit out in my own reality.
And who would know that about me, but me.
I said not a word to defend myself…cause I shouldn’t have to…those people who want to take the time to know me can, those that want to believe what others say, can put their faith in them…what ever makes you happy I am a firm believer.
The truth of the matter is you can’t really be familiar with someone else…unless they never shut up and say every word that they think, you just are not acutely aware of what makes someone who they are, and even if you do hear everything that rolls out of their mouth, it’s all about perception baby!
You can tell someone that you want to go home and play twister and they think you wanna fuck….when in all actuality, you really want to play twister (yoga has made me a fierce competitor at this game) or apples to apples, or connect four, even a tawdry game of war…you know I always carry a deck of cards in my purse for late night action-ness.
I am so brutally honest that if I wanted to hump someone I would say, “I am horny, let’s hump!”…Not ask them over for a late night game, but that is just me.
And I don’t even know myself that fucking well, how is someone else suppose to get me….and trying to figure someone else out…is a whole lotta work, and I am one busy bitch…I just let you be you and let the awesomeness unfold.
Not to mention the fact that we are all constantly evolving
The person that we are today learns lessons daily, morphing into who we become in the future…evolution is always in motion.
And what if we catch someone one a bad day…what if work was a bitch, what if they have been up for two days, what if they are starting to feel sick, what if they are going through some shit…just cause someone acted a certain way or mentioned something at this time by no means makes that what defines them…perception of people, in my opinion, is for people that have way to much time on their hands.
Trying to figure anyone out…is pointless to me…cause you ain’t really ever going to truly understand the thoughts that swirl in people’s mind.
You just got to have faith that people are good…that we all strive for enlightenment.
Whether someone is on the chosen path or not is not up for us decide.
It is a walk we all must take ourselves, and support each other along the journey.
I am going to try to figure my own damm self out before I cast my gaze upon anyone else’s thought…and I am pretty sure that I will keep myself busy for lifetimes to come.
Cheers to finding out who you really are, cause that is some hard ass shit!
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
PICKING THE CHERRIES
Start with your basket in your hand (I put it in my left hand, but what ever floats your boat)…now with your free hand start to pick the cherries off one little bunch at a time. Ohhhh, that one is a chicken fucker, you got to pull it and twist a couple times…Yey! You got it off, something that took that much effort you got to sample…pop that action in your mouth…that is one juicy and tasty motherfucker! (Sometimes I have to put one arm up to celebrate a good cherry.) Since we are in the field we can just spit that pit right out…oh don’t hit the other cherry picker in the head with your pit that is kinda gross, but can happen…and continue with your arm up picking away until your basket is full…then cherry pie here you come!
Friday, September 28, 2012
Blog 93: My Mother Fucking…(Vagina)
Blog 93: My Mother Fucking…(Vagina)
WARNING: If you are offended easily, if you are my parents, or friends of my parents…please stop reading…this is not the Blog for you.
If you are one of the peeps that have told me you enjoy my somewhat raunchy writings…then please proceed without caution.
If you think I am one crazy-ass-bitch…a couple things…duhhhhhhhh, and I only ponder what you are going to think of me after this one.
I have been obsessed as of late with a joke that has somewhat caught on with my friends as well as disgusted some people that I know and caused them to give me an odd look and shake their head in wonderment.
A person will be talking and they will say something random like, “ This wine is luscious and supple but with nice chewy tannins.”
I will repeat them saying… “You know what else is luscious and supple with nice chewy tannins”…then I will take both hands and point to my crotch and go…”My mother fucking….” I do not say vagina, I feel it is implied, sometimes I make a gruntish like sound…sometimes I give my hips a little thrust…whatever it is, I usually make one jaw drop a joke.
I told my boss about my joke when it began and she looked me dead in the eye and was like, “That is kinda gross…it just might be too much!”
I totally understood what she was saying, but I just like the shock value of it so much that I kept on doing it to her for a couple nights…about a week later I got a text from her… “Do you know what else is like Disneyland?”
Once you get it, you get it.
And the reality of the matter is that my Vagina is the mother fucking shit…there is power in this pussy!
I think everyone should recognize the power we have within ourselves…even if it simply the power of our sexuality.
This joke is not limited to females…I have been known to hear a phrase like, “The massive American deficit cripples our people.”
I reply, “You know what else is massive and can cripple a people?”…and point to my male friends crotch saying… “His mother fucking…”
Totally out of line…absolutely…but this is San Francisco peeps and there is a lot more craziness going on than a redhead that thinks she is a princess and runs around pointing to people’s pelvises…I’m just saying.
Some people love my joke…I have seen my crew topple over in giggles and clench their sides (it is all about saying it at the right time…sometimes you might even have to simply whisper it into an ear.)
The people that are dumbfounded and can’t even stutter out a response…I just look at them, shake my head, put my hand on their shoulder and ramble, “My mind really is that dirty…” and proceed on with the conversation.
Cause while my thoughts might be a junkyard of nastiness, my vagina is a pristine oasis of wildflowers…and smells even better!
I just embrace that shit.
I am not shy about my sexuality…it kinda oozes out of me…I am not a slut (that being said I have had “slut moments”…I think we all have and should…it can be liberating.)
As a matter of fact…I don’t let a lot of people in…I am honestly petrified of letting a person that close to me…I am truthfully very shy when it comes to matters of my heart…but that doesn’t mean that I am not awesomeness with some snaps in bed…
“Do you know what else is awesomeness with some snaps?”
I really love it when the joke makes me step back….
The other week I went out to dinner with my co-worker who I started the joke with and two of my bosses and one of the boss’s mom…she is sixty and the shit!
Well we got a little drunk (shocking) and the joke came out in front of moms…
She loved it, my girl and I got high-fives across the table.
Towards the end of dinner I announced to the table, “Those were some really good sliders!”
Moms looked at me dead in the eye and said, “Do know what else is a really good slider…” and a pointing to her crotch she began.
An “O” face flourished on my face, my napkin flew in the air and over my friends and I fell.
Moms totally got the joke…cause once you get it…you get it.
I am a firm believer that there is nothing wrong with embracing your power within.
I also feel quite strongly about the notion that you got to make fun of yourself.
And I know I have got the power…right here bitches.
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
MY MOTHER FUCKING….DANCE
Sometimes the music is just so dirty, it gets a little humid in that mug and airflow becomes crucial.
Bend your knees and start to thrust back and forth, make sure you got the “uhhhhhhh” face on, continue to thrust and point to your pelvis…if a friend walks up to you and says “This band is blowing my fucking mind!”…retort… “You know what else will blow your mind?"...and contiune to do your dance.
WARNING: If you are offended easily, if you are my parents, or friends of my parents…please stop reading…this is not the Blog for you.
If you are one of the peeps that have told me you enjoy my somewhat raunchy writings…then please proceed without caution.
If you think I am one crazy-ass-bitch…a couple things…duhhhhhhhh, and I only ponder what you are going to think of me after this one.
I have been obsessed as of late with a joke that has somewhat caught on with my friends as well as disgusted some people that I know and caused them to give me an odd look and shake their head in wonderment.
A person will be talking and they will say something random like, “ This wine is luscious and supple but with nice chewy tannins.”
I will repeat them saying… “You know what else is luscious and supple with nice chewy tannins”…then I will take both hands and point to my crotch and go…”My mother fucking….” I do not say vagina, I feel it is implied, sometimes I make a gruntish like sound…sometimes I give my hips a little thrust…whatever it is, I usually make one jaw drop a joke.
I told my boss about my joke when it began and she looked me dead in the eye and was like, “That is kinda gross…it just might be too much!”
I totally understood what she was saying, but I just like the shock value of it so much that I kept on doing it to her for a couple nights…about a week later I got a text from her… “Do you know what else is like Disneyland?”
Once you get it, you get it.
And the reality of the matter is that my Vagina is the mother fucking shit…there is power in this pussy!
I think everyone should recognize the power we have within ourselves…even if it simply the power of our sexuality.
This joke is not limited to females…I have been known to hear a phrase like, “The massive American deficit cripples our people.”
I reply, “You know what else is massive and can cripple a people?”…and point to my male friends crotch saying… “His mother fucking…”
Totally out of line…absolutely…but this is San Francisco peeps and there is a lot more craziness going on than a redhead that thinks she is a princess and runs around pointing to people’s pelvises…I’m just saying.
Some people love my joke…I have seen my crew topple over in giggles and clench their sides (it is all about saying it at the right time…sometimes you might even have to simply whisper it into an ear.)
The people that are dumbfounded and can’t even stutter out a response…I just look at them, shake my head, put my hand on their shoulder and ramble, “My mind really is that dirty…” and proceed on with the conversation.
Cause while my thoughts might be a junkyard of nastiness, my vagina is a pristine oasis of wildflowers…and smells even better!
I just embrace that shit.
I am not shy about my sexuality…it kinda oozes out of me…I am not a slut (that being said I have had “slut moments”…I think we all have and should…it can be liberating.)
As a matter of fact…I don’t let a lot of people in…I am honestly petrified of letting a person that close to me…I am truthfully very shy when it comes to matters of my heart…but that doesn’t mean that I am not awesomeness with some snaps in bed…
“Do you know what else is awesomeness with some snaps?”
I really love it when the joke makes me step back….
The other week I went out to dinner with my co-worker who I started the joke with and two of my bosses and one of the boss’s mom…she is sixty and the shit!
Well we got a little drunk (shocking) and the joke came out in front of moms…
She loved it, my girl and I got high-fives across the table.
Towards the end of dinner I announced to the table, “Those were some really good sliders!”
Moms looked at me dead in the eye and said, “Do know what else is a really good slider…” and a pointing to her crotch she began.
An “O” face flourished on my face, my napkin flew in the air and over my friends and I fell.
Moms totally got the joke…cause once you get it…you get it.
I am a firm believer that there is nothing wrong with embracing your power within.
I also feel quite strongly about the notion that you got to make fun of yourself.
And I know I have got the power…right here bitches.
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
MY MOTHER FUCKING….DANCE
Sometimes the music is just so dirty, it gets a little humid in that mug and airflow becomes crucial.
Bend your knees and start to thrust back and forth, make sure you got the “uhhhhhhh” face on, continue to thrust and point to your pelvis…if a friend walks up to you and says “This band is blowing my fucking mind!”…retort… “You know what else will blow your mind?"...and contiune to do your dance.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Blog 92: I am Scared, Pissed and Okay (Walking the Walk Part IV)
Blog 92: I am Scared, Pissed and Okay (Walking the Walk Part IV)
(Walking the Walk, Parts I, II & III are Blogs 26, 56 and 86, and are some of my all time favorite blogs, so please check them out.)
There are not a lot of things more frightening than a pissed off redhead…a petrified-furious ginger (don’t forget I was born on Friday the 13th here peeps)…well that is some serious shit.
And I am angry that I am so freaking terrified.
Cause the truth of the matter is…
I am Scared…really really scared.
Last week while at one of my jobs, I bent over and I had a series of pops go off in my brain on the back right side…they made me clench my head in pain…and as I was holding myself close…the entire right side of my body went numb, heavy and tingly.
I thought I was having a stroke.
I called my dad right away and he asked if I could smile…when I responded yes, he assured me that I was not having a stroke, but should probably go to the hospital.
Well I finished out my shift…cause that is how this hard worker rolls…
I hoped I could sleep it off.
The next morning the walk to my new job that usually takes six minutes took over fifteen, and I was a bawling mess of mascara and sparkles when I arrived to my destination.
And to the hospital I went…
I can’t think of anyone that likes going to the hospital…it really doesn’t smell that good.
I got poked and prodded and put into machines in which they kept on asking me if I had metal in my body…I would counter, “Does glitter count…I mean it is small chards of glass?”
May I also add that Spinal Taps…aka…Lumbar Punctures suck my ass times a billion…ow, ow, ow, owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww can we not put a six plus inch needle down my spin while I curl in the fetal position…like I am not in enough pain here…and if you are going to do it can I get an IV of some serious stuff!
And after all these tests, no one can say what is really wrong with me…it could be a couple things, some things that can heal, some serious stuff and some really serious stuff…the line from Kindergarten Cop keeps replaying in my head, “It’s not a tumor.”
Whatever the fuck happened to my body had no idea who they were dealing with! They must not have gotten the, “Sunny is a Queen Now” memo.
I have mentioned in previous blogs that ten years ago I used not be able to walk or hold a pen due to nervous system problems the doctors never found a reason for…I cured myself by exercise, diet and learning that pain is simply a part of life.
I gander it is time for round two.
That doesn’t mean I am going to like it all…and I know for a fact that this is not going to be easy.
I feel like I have to teach my right leg to walk again…it’s just not moving right.
I have taken to using a cane on my bad days.
And I look gangster as fuck with this cane, it was my grandpa’s, it is blackthorn Irish wood…and I despise having to use it…but sometimes in life, you need a crutch.
It would totally be more palatable if I did not like to amble so freaking much.
In recent days there have been times where I have just wanted to weep, where I wanted to hit a lot of shit with my cane (like people who cut me off as well as cars that honk at me for being to slow, chicken fuckers!)
Sometimes I have just simply wanted to give up…forfeit the drive and determination that I know this will take…and just rest in peace.
But life is a beautiful thing…
And I am going to be okay.
This is my battle to fight…my strength to earn…my life to live.
No matter what is wrong with me, I have to surrender…I have to let my journey take its course.
I have to have faith that I am going to win this war.
I have to remember, “This too shall pass”
And continue to Walk my Walk to righteousness…
Cause even if I hobble…I’m still going to make it there…wherever there turns out to be.
Cheers to the journey, to all the bumps and curves, it might sometimes be a gravel road but it will always have a killer view!
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
THE SISSORS
Take your index and middle finger and make a pair of scissors with each hand. Put the scissors together in front of your nose and drag them across you eyes being all mysterious and coy…now start to move them back towards the nose, as you do, swing your index fingers up and down creating the “cutting” look till they meet in the middle…and swept the open scissors back, and then cut them back in…keep on repeating until you have cut what you needed to cut…and boggie the whole time!
(Walking the Walk, Parts I, II & III are Blogs 26, 56 and 86, and are some of my all time favorite blogs, so please check them out.)
There are not a lot of things more frightening than a pissed off redhead…a petrified-furious ginger (don’t forget I was born on Friday the 13th here peeps)…well that is some serious shit.
And I am angry that I am so freaking terrified.
Cause the truth of the matter is…
I am Scared…really really scared.
Last week while at one of my jobs, I bent over and I had a series of pops go off in my brain on the back right side…they made me clench my head in pain…and as I was holding myself close…the entire right side of my body went numb, heavy and tingly.
I thought I was having a stroke.
I called my dad right away and he asked if I could smile…when I responded yes, he assured me that I was not having a stroke, but should probably go to the hospital.
Well I finished out my shift…cause that is how this hard worker rolls…
I hoped I could sleep it off.
The next morning the walk to my new job that usually takes six minutes took over fifteen, and I was a bawling mess of mascara and sparkles when I arrived to my destination.
And to the hospital I went…
I can’t think of anyone that likes going to the hospital…it really doesn’t smell that good.
I got poked and prodded and put into machines in which they kept on asking me if I had metal in my body…I would counter, “Does glitter count…I mean it is small chards of glass?”
May I also add that Spinal Taps…aka…Lumbar Punctures suck my ass times a billion…ow, ow, ow, owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww can we not put a six plus inch needle down my spin while I curl in the fetal position…like I am not in enough pain here…and if you are going to do it can I get an IV of some serious stuff!
And after all these tests, no one can say what is really wrong with me…it could be a couple things, some things that can heal, some serious stuff and some really serious stuff…the line from Kindergarten Cop keeps replaying in my head, “It’s not a tumor.”
Whatever the fuck happened to my body had no idea who they were dealing with! They must not have gotten the, “Sunny is a Queen Now” memo.
I have mentioned in previous blogs that ten years ago I used not be able to walk or hold a pen due to nervous system problems the doctors never found a reason for…I cured myself by exercise, diet and learning that pain is simply a part of life.
I gander it is time for round two.
That doesn’t mean I am going to like it all…and I know for a fact that this is not going to be easy.
I feel like I have to teach my right leg to walk again…it’s just not moving right.
I have taken to using a cane on my bad days.
And I look gangster as fuck with this cane, it was my grandpa’s, it is blackthorn Irish wood…and I despise having to use it…but sometimes in life, you need a crutch.
It would totally be more palatable if I did not like to amble so freaking much.
In recent days there have been times where I have just wanted to weep, where I wanted to hit a lot of shit with my cane (like people who cut me off as well as cars that honk at me for being to slow, chicken fuckers!)
Sometimes I have just simply wanted to give up…forfeit the drive and determination that I know this will take…and just rest in peace.
But life is a beautiful thing…
And I am going to be okay.
This is my battle to fight…my strength to earn…my life to live.
No matter what is wrong with me, I have to surrender…I have to let my journey take its course.
I have to have faith that I am going to win this war.
I have to remember, “This too shall pass”
And continue to Walk my Walk to righteousness…
Cause even if I hobble…I’m still going to make it there…wherever there turns out to be.
Cheers to the journey, to all the bumps and curves, it might sometimes be a gravel road but it will always have a killer view!
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
THE SISSORS
Take your index and middle finger and make a pair of scissors with each hand. Put the scissors together in front of your nose and drag them across you eyes being all mysterious and coy…now start to move them back towards the nose, as you do, swing your index fingers up and down creating the “cutting” look till they meet in the middle…and swept the open scissors back, and then cut them back in…keep on repeating until you have cut what you needed to cut…and boggie the whole time!
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Blog 91: What if you Made the Rainbows in the Sky (Jammin Chronicles Part III)
Blog 91: What if you Made the Rainbows in the Sky (Jammin Chronicles Part III)
My Jammin Chronicles Part I & II are blogs 81 and 84, not only do you need to read that action, but if you haven’t gotten a chance to go down to Jammin on Haight at 1400 Haight Street and experience the beginning of the resurrection of Haight Street, you need to go check that shit out…totally…and don’t forget to look up.
What if when you glanced at the sun, intergalactic rainbows shot out into fragments in every direction…what if you did what you wanted to, when you wanted to, the exact way you needed it done and you not only got paid for it, but you were appreciated as well.
What if you manifested your own reality…and filled it with color, beauty, love, music and family.
What if you created your own world?
As of late, I have been witnessed to a miracle…people doing what they desire and love to do as their occupation…and making money.
They will be the first to tell you it took years of hard work, and it didn’t come easy…
In fact, I was told it happened, “One tie-dye at a time.”
And yet we all know it is totally fucking worth it.
It has inspired to me spread my wings and figure out what I want to do in life…
To ponder, to stumble, to contemplate every single aspect of what motivates me, what makes me tick…it has encouraged me to take risks I never thought I would be able to do.
And the happiness that radiates out of these Jammin People…floors me in stillness…I catch myself simply stepping back and taking it all in…the belief of positivity.
And the shock of all this awesome stuff actually working and seeing people’s dreams not only being met but tossed out the window cause they had no idea these possibilities could even reach this far of a spectrum makes me want to believe again…I don’t even know what I am suppose to be believing in, I just know now…that I can.
For years I have been running around trying to fit myself into what this notion of my life is suppose to be…exasperating my state of being in an attempt to fit into this mold of what I have been told my journey should entail…but nothing has brought the satisfaction that I have desired, there has always been a hallow-ness…a void of unrequited potential.
And then a thought dawned on me.
Maybe all this dreaming was holding me back.
Maybe I should just let the mystery be the mystery and enjoy it as it unfolds…plant the seeds and watch the beauty as it grows.
Maybe limiting myself to the parameters that I believe to be mine, restricts my mind from seeing things as a whole.
Maybe a blank canvas leaves room for more creativity.
Maybe I should just think about rainbows.
Maybe if I just flood my brain with ideals and things that simply make me happy the rest will just fall into place.
There is something to be said about living the life that you love, surrounding yourself with love, being love, having love emanate from your being….
When you are able to simply believe, you are able to look directly at the sun, and simply see the beautiful colors.
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
PUMP IT UP
When was the last time you pumped up a massive balloon with a stand up air pump…yeah that is what I thought, let’s jog your memory…
Place each foot on either side of the tube-pump-air-thingy and attach the end of the balloon to the hose action-ness…holding the “handle” in your hands start to pump up and down…after a couple pumps, poke the balloon to see if it has enough air in it…Nope…pump it up at least three more times…awe fuck it one more time…now poke the balloon again, CRAPPERS…wave your arms and make an O face…you filled it too much…that bitch just exploded in your face…that is what you get for doing the Pump It Up Dance!
My Jammin Chronicles Part I & II are blogs 81 and 84, not only do you need to read that action, but if you haven’t gotten a chance to go down to Jammin on Haight at 1400 Haight Street and experience the beginning of the resurrection of Haight Street, you need to go check that shit out…totally…and don’t forget to look up.
What if when you glanced at the sun, intergalactic rainbows shot out into fragments in every direction…what if you did what you wanted to, when you wanted to, the exact way you needed it done and you not only got paid for it, but you were appreciated as well.
What if you manifested your own reality…and filled it with color, beauty, love, music and family.
What if you created your own world?
As of late, I have been witnessed to a miracle…people doing what they desire and love to do as their occupation…and making money.
They will be the first to tell you it took years of hard work, and it didn’t come easy…
In fact, I was told it happened, “One tie-dye at a time.”
And yet we all know it is totally fucking worth it.
It has inspired to me spread my wings and figure out what I want to do in life…
To ponder, to stumble, to contemplate every single aspect of what motivates me, what makes me tick…it has encouraged me to take risks I never thought I would be able to do.
And the happiness that radiates out of these Jammin People…floors me in stillness…I catch myself simply stepping back and taking it all in…the belief of positivity.
And the shock of all this awesome stuff actually working and seeing people’s dreams not only being met but tossed out the window cause they had no idea these possibilities could even reach this far of a spectrum makes me want to believe again…I don’t even know what I am suppose to be believing in, I just know now…that I can.
For years I have been running around trying to fit myself into what this notion of my life is suppose to be…exasperating my state of being in an attempt to fit into this mold of what I have been told my journey should entail…but nothing has brought the satisfaction that I have desired, there has always been a hallow-ness…a void of unrequited potential.
And then a thought dawned on me.
Maybe all this dreaming was holding me back.
Maybe I should just let the mystery be the mystery and enjoy it as it unfolds…plant the seeds and watch the beauty as it grows.
Maybe limiting myself to the parameters that I believe to be mine, restricts my mind from seeing things as a whole.
Maybe a blank canvas leaves room for more creativity.
Maybe I should just think about rainbows.
Maybe if I just flood my brain with ideals and things that simply make me happy the rest will just fall into place.
There is something to be said about living the life that you love, surrounding yourself with love, being love, having love emanate from your being….
When you are able to simply believe, you are able to look directly at the sun, and simply see the beautiful colors.
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
PUMP IT UP
When was the last time you pumped up a massive balloon with a stand up air pump…yeah that is what I thought, let’s jog your memory…
Place each foot on either side of the tube-pump-air-thingy and attach the end of the balloon to the hose action-ness…holding the “handle” in your hands start to pump up and down…after a couple pumps, poke the balloon to see if it has enough air in it…Nope…pump it up at least three more times…awe fuck it one more time…now poke the balloon again, CRAPPERS…wave your arms and make an O face…you filled it too much…that bitch just exploded in your face…that is what you get for doing the Pump It Up Dance!
Monday, September 3, 2012
Blog 90: Comes a Time when the Blind-Man takes your Hand...
Blog 90: Comes a Time when the Blind-Man takes your Hand…
"Comes a time when the blind-man takes your hand, says don't you see?
Gotta make it somehow on the dreams you still believe"
I have been walking for so long, throughout the day and night, I have been stumbling for some time, trying to find my path, the horizon and the sunset have started to bleed together...exhaustion has taken me over...faith still stays a pertinent truth...and hope burrows inside my core.
I have done it, I think, I have started to leave the restaurant business...my final tie to my last chapter...a vocation I never did for me but for my ex-husband…my number one resolution of this year…has begun its accomplishment.
Entering my old job was a daily reminder of the shackles that held me to my past...my unwillingness to saunter into the unknown...to have enough balls to actually leave...
Well I guess I nutted up...cause while I am still part-time at the restaurant (I refuse to leave myself in a needy position, so if I have to work more to ensure my financial freedom than fine.) I am full time at a brand new job which I feel is something I can be very proud of and represents more of who I am.
There is a catch...
This shit is fucking hard…and I am talking hard like a seventeen year old boy after his first glances of midget porn…
And I don't know if I am going to make it...which is bizarre for me, cause I have never had a job I wasn't totally awesome at right off the bat...and yet I have never changed gears so severely before.
I have become a nervous wreck...I have started to stutter again like I did when I was six...I can't get my freaking words out, they feel stuck inside my throat like a gross acumination of hair inside a drain...failure looms in the back of my head, planting roots that totally go straight into the pipes.
I desire so bad to do well.
And yet I know I must simply surrender…
For the doubt...the worry will be my demise.
And my Destiny is my destiny...I need to let go and simply let fate take my hand and lead me in the direction I am suppose to go.
I know what I want.
And it might not be this job…but this is a stepping-stone down the right avenue.
I keep telling myself that I just have to keep plugging away at it…I will succeed... if I just do my fucking best…and if that is not good enough, I can always go back to full-time at the restaurant, I mean I make the freaking schedule for god sake.
But I don’t want to go back....that is not a good path for me...it does not satisfy me...and that just isn't good enough.
I am unsure which direction all this change will take me…but I can see is for the best if I just keep walking.
I know I have talent and potential.
And I have faith.
I will triumph in what I need to prevail in.
It has been a long time coming…I have and will continue to work my fucking ass off.
I know there is more for me out there.
The cold comfort of a job that has brought a stagnant breeze to my life…that has officially bored and belittled a woman such as myself...has grown into a burden I do not desire to carry...
I am ready to move on…and the only way to do that is to take this risk…this leap of belief…to make an effort at something I am not sure I am capable of doing.
At least I know I will have tried.
And I need to see, that is the only thing that matters.
“…You can't let go cause you're afraid to fall…”
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK:
THE MICRO-CLIMATE OF SAN FRANCISCO DANCE
So if you are like me (or a super awesome woman that inspired this dance) and you like to tromp around this city you know about every ten blocks the temperature changes in some sort of way and you either get way hot all of a sudden or super cold in a five step lapse…
Start by bundling up yourself, pull your hood on, hug yourself super tight…maybe even add a shiver in there for a good effect…walk a couple steps, maybe take some hits off a joint…I mean we are walking in San Francisco here peeps…anyhoo…man it just got hot as hell…take down your hood…tie your scarf around your purse strap and unzip your jacket…crappers, the joint went out…might as well take your jacket off while you have to re-light…take it off, put your purse back on your shoulder, shove your jacket into your purse while grabbing your lighter…spark that bad boy up…man that sun feels good, take a couple of steps and damm…the wind just picked up, maybe just the scarf will work…amble a couple more paces…damm it is cold as fuck, time to put the jacket on again!
"Comes a time when the blind-man takes your hand, says don't you see?
Gotta make it somehow on the dreams you still believe"
I have been walking for so long, throughout the day and night, I have been stumbling for some time, trying to find my path, the horizon and the sunset have started to bleed together...exhaustion has taken me over...faith still stays a pertinent truth...and hope burrows inside my core.
I have done it, I think, I have started to leave the restaurant business...my final tie to my last chapter...a vocation I never did for me but for my ex-husband…my number one resolution of this year…has begun its accomplishment.
Entering my old job was a daily reminder of the shackles that held me to my past...my unwillingness to saunter into the unknown...to have enough balls to actually leave...
Well I guess I nutted up...cause while I am still part-time at the restaurant (I refuse to leave myself in a needy position, so if I have to work more to ensure my financial freedom than fine.) I am full time at a brand new job which I feel is something I can be very proud of and represents more of who I am.
There is a catch...
This shit is fucking hard…and I am talking hard like a seventeen year old boy after his first glances of midget porn…
And I don't know if I am going to make it...which is bizarre for me, cause I have never had a job I wasn't totally awesome at right off the bat...and yet I have never changed gears so severely before.
I have become a nervous wreck...I have started to stutter again like I did when I was six...I can't get my freaking words out, they feel stuck inside my throat like a gross acumination of hair inside a drain...failure looms in the back of my head, planting roots that totally go straight into the pipes.
I desire so bad to do well.
And yet I know I must simply surrender…
For the doubt...the worry will be my demise.
And my Destiny is my destiny...I need to let go and simply let fate take my hand and lead me in the direction I am suppose to go.
I know what I want.
And it might not be this job…but this is a stepping-stone down the right avenue.
I keep telling myself that I just have to keep plugging away at it…I will succeed... if I just do my fucking best…and if that is not good enough, I can always go back to full-time at the restaurant, I mean I make the freaking schedule for god sake.
But I don’t want to go back....that is not a good path for me...it does not satisfy me...and that just isn't good enough.
I am unsure which direction all this change will take me…but I can see is for the best if I just keep walking.
I know I have talent and potential.
And I have faith.
I will triumph in what I need to prevail in.
It has been a long time coming…I have and will continue to work my fucking ass off.
I know there is more for me out there.
The cold comfort of a job that has brought a stagnant breeze to my life…that has officially bored and belittled a woman such as myself...has grown into a burden I do not desire to carry...
I am ready to move on…and the only way to do that is to take this risk…this leap of belief…to make an effort at something I am not sure I am capable of doing.
At least I know I will have tried.
And I need to see, that is the only thing that matters.
“…You can't let go cause you're afraid to fall…”
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK:
THE MICRO-CLIMATE OF SAN FRANCISCO DANCE
So if you are like me (or a super awesome woman that inspired this dance) and you like to tromp around this city you know about every ten blocks the temperature changes in some sort of way and you either get way hot all of a sudden or super cold in a five step lapse…
Start by bundling up yourself, pull your hood on, hug yourself super tight…maybe even add a shiver in there for a good effect…walk a couple steps, maybe take some hits off a joint…I mean we are walking in San Francisco here peeps…anyhoo…man it just got hot as hell…take down your hood…tie your scarf around your purse strap and unzip your jacket…crappers, the joint went out…might as well take your jacket off while you have to re-light…take it off, put your purse back on your shoulder, shove your jacket into your purse while grabbing your lighter…spark that bad boy up…man that sun feels good, take a couple of steps and damm…the wind just picked up, maybe just the scarf will work…amble a couple more paces…damm it is cold as fuck, time to put the jacket on again!
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Blog 89: I am Beautifully Broken (Love Tales Part VI)
Blog 89: I am Beautifully Broken (Love Tales Part VI)
Love Tales Parts I-V are blogs 10, 17, 35, 47 & 60
“Mysterious, blown in with the night, all this beauty captured in a frame, visibly shaken but never stirred, drives them insane, I see the way she plays her men, and I know I've got to know her name…she's so beautifully broken, shaped by the wind, dangerously twisted, here I go again” (you know I be quoting Mr. Warren motherfucking Haynes when it comes to matters of my heart…come on now…you should know that’s how I roll.)
Oh my love tales…these are some of my hardest blogs…my heart is something I like to keep very private and hold close, clenching it in comfort…it is beat and torn, shattered and tossed and worn…
I often find myself wondering if I will ever be able to love again…and on the rare occurrence that I do open the doors to my soul…well let us just say, not many men remember to wipe their feet upon entering.
It always seems to be the wrong ones that I let in, the one I become addicted to, the ones that are as damaged as I am.
The other day I received the most beautiful kindhearted note, from a man that is truly a good man. We had gone out on a lovely date awhile back but the truth of the matter is that I was not over my ex (I’m still not)…and while I was turned on by his pure nature, his drive and his strong hands…high five big hands!…he did something normal like touch me in public and I freaked the fuck out…(cause I am a crazy chick…duhhhhhhh)
The note went on to say how he was there if I was ever ready…
And it made me cry…especially considering I read it five minutes after having my heart broken again by a man who is damm fucking good at crumbling my heart over and over again.
It seems I ain’t never going to get it right.
Cause I am simply Beautifully Broken… “You can barely see the flaw, especially from a distance, which is always how I fall…”
All this heartache is beginning to turn me into stone (if you look close enough you may see it)…I try so hard to fight this feeling of granite penetrating my being, I try to put up my shields of love, sparkles and awesomeness in its path..I try.
But I am weak.
I am human…which totally sucks sometimes!
I try to let the right people in…I yearn to make the right choices…I pray that the softness may take over my heart once again…I get down on my knees at night and wail to a God begging for the supple illumination of my soul…for the beauty to take over the broken.
Sometimes it is just easier to turn myself off.
I was walking from one job to another today and a very nice man paid me a compliment and asked me out, I responded with, “Don’t even bother, I am a wasted effort…” pulled my hood over my head and simply walked away.
Sometimes I feel like I am just to fucked up to ever let the right person in…
I have never had a man just be good to me…WAIT, let me put that right…I mis-wrote…I have never had the man I desired be good to me the way I needed them to be.
And at this point in my life, I don’t know if I can actually let someone in…all the shit has pilled up pretty high…and my heart feels over burdened with grief and pain…
And more importantly…I don’t think I can take my heart breaking again…
It is a risk, that I desperately want to take, but am scared that this risk might just lead to more pain…more tears…I am petrified of becoming brittle.
Why does my heart want things that it knows are erroneous?
What makes us want what we shouldn’t have?
What is wrong with me? (please don’t answer that, we don’t have that much time)
The note the man had written also mentioned that he knew there was too much competition over my affection so he wanted to leave the ball in my court…funny…I always feel like I get the wrong kind of attention.
Awhile back I had a conversation with a man who was giving me the “low down” on men, and I wondered, “Why do all the wrong guys hit on me?”
He retorted, “Cause you are the type of woman that men want to fuck, not take home.”
There is an honest answer for you.
Did I want to punch him in the face…HELL YES…did I feel he was spot on…unfortunetly yeah…after the incidences that happen to me the other night…I can’t help but agree with him.
To be quite honest, I feel that it is a shame that I am somewhat screwed in the head and that a lot of men just see as a person to fuck…cause I am so much much more.
I know deep down that the sorrow that encompasses my heart also creates a pure eloquence…the trials that men have put me through during my time has created a woman of soul, shine and depth…
Maybe I just don’t give myself enough credit.
Maybe I just need time.
Maybe one day I will simply be beautiful.
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
BLOWING OUT THE BIRTDAY CANDLE
(I would like to take a moment to wish a Happy Birthday to the most awesomeness boss ever…without you I would not have the strength and the hope that I have…cheers to many more years and getting through the tough times together and celebrating the good…I love you Pam!)
So this is a team dance people…start by crowding around one person and start talking, use some hand gestures, that totally sells the “talking” part…oh…part the sea, here comes another person with “the cake” in their hands, everybody clap and sing…the designated “birthday” person gets a big smile on their face, kissing the cheeks of the peeps on the right and the left, arms in the air, one final cheer and MAKE A WISH…fill your cheeks up with some air, and blow that candle out…Happy Birthday!
Love Tales Parts I-V are blogs 10, 17, 35, 47 & 60
“Mysterious, blown in with the night, all this beauty captured in a frame, visibly shaken but never stirred, drives them insane, I see the way she plays her men, and I know I've got to know her name…she's so beautifully broken, shaped by the wind, dangerously twisted, here I go again” (you know I be quoting Mr. Warren motherfucking Haynes when it comes to matters of my heart…come on now…you should know that’s how I roll.)
Oh my love tales…these are some of my hardest blogs…my heart is something I like to keep very private and hold close, clenching it in comfort…it is beat and torn, shattered and tossed and worn…
I often find myself wondering if I will ever be able to love again…and on the rare occurrence that I do open the doors to my soul…well let us just say, not many men remember to wipe their feet upon entering.
It always seems to be the wrong ones that I let in, the one I become addicted to, the ones that are as damaged as I am.
The other day I received the most beautiful kindhearted note, from a man that is truly a good man. We had gone out on a lovely date awhile back but the truth of the matter is that I was not over my ex (I’m still not)…and while I was turned on by his pure nature, his drive and his strong hands…high five big hands!…he did something normal like touch me in public and I freaked the fuck out…(cause I am a crazy chick…duhhhhhhh)
The note went on to say how he was there if I was ever ready…
And it made me cry…especially considering I read it five minutes after having my heart broken again by a man who is damm fucking good at crumbling my heart over and over again.
It seems I ain’t never going to get it right.
Cause I am simply Beautifully Broken… “You can barely see the flaw, especially from a distance, which is always how I fall…”
All this heartache is beginning to turn me into stone (if you look close enough you may see it)…I try so hard to fight this feeling of granite penetrating my being, I try to put up my shields of love, sparkles and awesomeness in its path..I try.
But I am weak.
I am human…which totally sucks sometimes!
I try to let the right people in…I yearn to make the right choices…I pray that the softness may take over my heart once again…I get down on my knees at night and wail to a God begging for the supple illumination of my soul…for the beauty to take over the broken.
Sometimes it is just easier to turn myself off.
I was walking from one job to another today and a very nice man paid me a compliment and asked me out, I responded with, “Don’t even bother, I am a wasted effort…” pulled my hood over my head and simply walked away.
Sometimes I feel like I am just to fucked up to ever let the right person in…
I have never had a man just be good to me…WAIT, let me put that right…I mis-wrote…I have never had the man I desired be good to me the way I needed them to be.
And at this point in my life, I don’t know if I can actually let someone in…all the shit has pilled up pretty high…and my heart feels over burdened with grief and pain…
And more importantly…I don’t think I can take my heart breaking again…
It is a risk, that I desperately want to take, but am scared that this risk might just lead to more pain…more tears…I am petrified of becoming brittle.
Why does my heart want things that it knows are erroneous?
What makes us want what we shouldn’t have?
What is wrong with me? (please don’t answer that, we don’t have that much time)
The note the man had written also mentioned that he knew there was too much competition over my affection so he wanted to leave the ball in my court…funny…I always feel like I get the wrong kind of attention.
Awhile back I had a conversation with a man who was giving me the “low down” on men, and I wondered, “Why do all the wrong guys hit on me?”
He retorted, “Cause you are the type of woman that men want to fuck, not take home.”
There is an honest answer for you.
Did I want to punch him in the face…HELL YES…did I feel he was spot on…unfortunetly yeah…after the incidences that happen to me the other night…I can’t help but agree with him.
To be quite honest, I feel that it is a shame that I am somewhat screwed in the head and that a lot of men just see as a person to fuck…cause I am so much much more.
I know deep down that the sorrow that encompasses my heart also creates a pure eloquence…the trials that men have put me through during my time has created a woman of soul, shine and depth…
Maybe I just don’t give myself enough credit.
Maybe I just need time.
Maybe one day I will simply be beautiful.
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
BLOWING OUT THE BIRTDAY CANDLE
(I would like to take a moment to wish a Happy Birthday to the most awesomeness boss ever…without you I would not have the strength and the hope that I have…cheers to many more years and getting through the tough times together and celebrating the good…I love you Pam!)
So this is a team dance people…start by crowding around one person and start talking, use some hand gestures, that totally sells the “talking” part…oh…part the sea, here comes another person with “the cake” in their hands, everybody clap and sing…the designated “birthday” person gets a big smile on their face, kissing the cheeks of the peeps on the right and the left, arms in the air, one final cheer and MAKE A WISH…fill your cheeks up with some air, and blow that candle out…Happy Birthday!
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Blog 88: To Be San Franciscan (Part I)
Blog 88: To Be San Franciscan (Part I)
On my mother’s side, I am third generation Californian. I never drank kool-aid till I was 29 and was living in my friend’s house (they are southern.) My one friend was so shocked, he had me ask my mom what the hell was up with me never having kool-aid, and my mother responded with, “We are Californian, we drink juice!”
When people ask if I am Irish or Scottish, I give them a funny look and say, “I am San Franciscan.” They counter the odd gaze and ask where my family originates from and I hold their glare and raise my eyebrows a little higher and go, “I originate from San Francisco!” Sometimes they get it, sometimes they don’t…but come peeps, let’s be honest…
I reek San Francisco! (in the “smells good” kinda way.)
From the glitter to the year round flip-flops, the fact that I think it is normal to be able to smoke pot anywhere and everywhere or that when I dress I can adjust for major weather changes with articles of clothes I can fit in my purse…this is my kingdom.
And you know what the funniest part of this story is…I hated San Francisco for so long. When I was 18, I could not wait to get the fuck out of the city. The next twelve years of my life I spent in the small-college-herb friendly towns of Arcata and then Eugene.
Through those years I lived a decent life and thought that the quiet pace was more for me.
But I am a Gemini, and I get bored easily, and there is not a whole lot to do in small towns…as I realized the path I had chosen with owning a restaurant was not one I wished to continue…I pondered where I really wanted to be.
I talked to my ex-husband about selling the restaurant and moving to San Francisco, his response was a resounding “No!” followed by, “Besides, we won’t be able to grow pot in San Francisco!” (I totally understand if anyone who lives in San Francisco at this point has to take a time-out or a knee to contain your laughter…if only he knew…I don’t grow pot anymore…but if I did…I could freaking grow it on the roof of my apartment building and no one would give a flying fuck…this is San Francisco people…where can’t you smoke/ grow pot?)
As my husband and I parted ways, and my life began to crumble, I had no choice but to head home…thank god my life fell apart…because home really is where the heart lies…and San Francisco…is my home.
It is quite apparent once you get to know me.
The house I grew up in, where my parents still live today was built in the late 1800’s by a German sailor, it is a three story Victorian that has sweeping views of the Pacific which my parent purchased in 1979, a year before I was born.
My parents met in the late 60’s at the University of San Francisco, my mother went into teaching and has worked at the same school a half block away from our house for over 40 years, my father studied Rolfing from Ida Rolf herself (he is one of two people still alive to have learned from her) and has had a thriving practice for almost 40 years. They have been married for almost 40 years.
I am a true San Franciscan…ask me where I went to high school!
(Please note: as a native, I feel like this is the most pertinent question to ask someone who says they grew up in the city…I went to Sacred Heart and transferred to Drew….boom…It highly disturbs me when a chicken fucker claims to have grown up here and then they say that they went to high school in Walnut Creek…bitches…that is East Bay…that is Walnut Creek…it has absolutely nothing to do with San Francisco…I have not been since I was 12…you are from the East Bay…stop pissing me off.)
My blood lies in this city.
I never felt like a princess until I moved back.
I never believed my dreams might come true until I came back here.
Opportunity is lavish in this city…and culture emulates through every pore…you just have to look up.
I feel since being back here my mind has been opened and by sense of space and dimensions have changed.
To be San Franciscan is to truly be yourself.
To embrace you for you and not give a fuck what anyone thinks.
San Francisco encourages its people to be awesomeness…cause we got to keep up with our beautiful city.
I have watched my amazing city change through my life…from the 49ers being on top, to the 1989 earthquake that shattered our city with the collapse of the freeway and the bridge to the fires in the Marina, my teacher at the time lost her apartment in the earthquake, my dad was at work and a piece of his window shattered and went into the neck of a lady who was jogging…they were using the Muni busses as ambulances and he had to wait to make sure she was safe…to the bleakness that took over Haight Street when Jerry died, to the boom of the economy and the popping up of neighborhoods that never existed…where the fuck did the Dogpatch come from?...As Twitter moves into my hood now I ponder what is brewing on the horizon…I am eager to watch how my city morphs into the next generation…
Cause here in Frisco, we know how to do…
(A perfect example of how awesome San Francisco is: We all have HEALTH CARE…I pay $150 every 3 months for Kaiser Health Care…thank you Gavin Newsom…you rock! Everyone all over the country is fighting about how to give everyone health care…hey chicken fuckers, just look at San Francisco, add a small tax to people’s restaurant bills…and heal a people.)
San Franciscans know how to rebuild our economy, our lives and our city…each time making it fucking better than it was before (like putting glitter in the sidewalks!)
And as I start in this new chapter in my life I can think of no place I’d rather be.
Cause…there is no place like home…and no place like San Francisco!
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
CROSSING THE BRIDGE
Every time I cross the Golden Gate Bridge I always get this sense of warmth…
Start by driving your car, hands at two and ten…point ahead, you can see the bridge…first we got to go through this tunnel so hold your breath…make a wish (please do NOT pass out while driving)…we made it through the tunnel, you can start to breath again…time to merge over to the right (whoever is in charge of lanes on the Golden Gate Bridge…you suck! Always have…booooooo traffic!) Traffic blows, take this time to change the radio station and make sure you don’t have stuff in your teeth…ohhh got to merge over one more lane…cause the other side really needs four to our two…wave thank you to the dude that just let you in…grab your cash to pay the toll (does anyone else remember when it was $2.00 and not $7.00)…pay the toll lady, wave hi…and get ready for some city driving!
On my mother’s side, I am third generation Californian. I never drank kool-aid till I was 29 and was living in my friend’s house (they are southern.) My one friend was so shocked, he had me ask my mom what the hell was up with me never having kool-aid, and my mother responded with, “We are Californian, we drink juice!”
When people ask if I am Irish or Scottish, I give them a funny look and say, “I am San Franciscan.” They counter the odd gaze and ask where my family originates from and I hold their glare and raise my eyebrows a little higher and go, “I originate from San Francisco!” Sometimes they get it, sometimes they don’t…but come peeps, let’s be honest…
I reek San Francisco! (in the “smells good” kinda way.)
From the glitter to the year round flip-flops, the fact that I think it is normal to be able to smoke pot anywhere and everywhere or that when I dress I can adjust for major weather changes with articles of clothes I can fit in my purse…this is my kingdom.
And you know what the funniest part of this story is…I hated San Francisco for so long. When I was 18, I could not wait to get the fuck out of the city. The next twelve years of my life I spent in the small-college-herb friendly towns of Arcata and then Eugene.
Through those years I lived a decent life and thought that the quiet pace was more for me.
But I am a Gemini, and I get bored easily, and there is not a whole lot to do in small towns…as I realized the path I had chosen with owning a restaurant was not one I wished to continue…I pondered where I really wanted to be.
I talked to my ex-husband about selling the restaurant and moving to San Francisco, his response was a resounding “No!” followed by, “Besides, we won’t be able to grow pot in San Francisco!” (I totally understand if anyone who lives in San Francisco at this point has to take a time-out or a knee to contain your laughter…if only he knew…I don’t grow pot anymore…but if I did…I could freaking grow it on the roof of my apartment building and no one would give a flying fuck…this is San Francisco people…where can’t you smoke/ grow pot?)
As my husband and I parted ways, and my life began to crumble, I had no choice but to head home…thank god my life fell apart…because home really is where the heart lies…and San Francisco…is my home.
It is quite apparent once you get to know me.
The house I grew up in, where my parents still live today was built in the late 1800’s by a German sailor, it is a three story Victorian that has sweeping views of the Pacific which my parent purchased in 1979, a year before I was born.
My parents met in the late 60’s at the University of San Francisco, my mother went into teaching and has worked at the same school a half block away from our house for over 40 years, my father studied Rolfing from Ida Rolf herself (he is one of two people still alive to have learned from her) and has had a thriving practice for almost 40 years. They have been married for almost 40 years.
I am a true San Franciscan…ask me where I went to high school!
(Please note: as a native, I feel like this is the most pertinent question to ask someone who says they grew up in the city…I went to Sacred Heart and transferred to Drew….boom…It highly disturbs me when a chicken fucker claims to have grown up here and then they say that they went to high school in Walnut Creek…bitches…that is East Bay…that is Walnut Creek…it has absolutely nothing to do with San Francisco…I have not been since I was 12…you are from the East Bay…stop pissing me off.)
My blood lies in this city.
I never felt like a princess until I moved back.
I never believed my dreams might come true until I came back here.
Opportunity is lavish in this city…and culture emulates through every pore…you just have to look up.
I feel since being back here my mind has been opened and by sense of space and dimensions have changed.
To be San Franciscan is to truly be yourself.
To embrace you for you and not give a fuck what anyone thinks.
San Francisco encourages its people to be awesomeness…cause we got to keep up with our beautiful city.
I have watched my amazing city change through my life…from the 49ers being on top, to the 1989 earthquake that shattered our city with the collapse of the freeway and the bridge to the fires in the Marina, my teacher at the time lost her apartment in the earthquake, my dad was at work and a piece of his window shattered and went into the neck of a lady who was jogging…they were using the Muni busses as ambulances and he had to wait to make sure she was safe…to the bleakness that took over Haight Street when Jerry died, to the boom of the economy and the popping up of neighborhoods that never existed…where the fuck did the Dogpatch come from?...As Twitter moves into my hood now I ponder what is brewing on the horizon…I am eager to watch how my city morphs into the next generation…
Cause here in Frisco, we know how to do…
(A perfect example of how awesome San Francisco is: We all have HEALTH CARE…I pay $150 every 3 months for Kaiser Health Care…thank you Gavin Newsom…you rock! Everyone all over the country is fighting about how to give everyone health care…hey chicken fuckers, just look at San Francisco, add a small tax to people’s restaurant bills…and heal a people.)
San Franciscans know how to rebuild our economy, our lives and our city…each time making it fucking better than it was before (like putting glitter in the sidewalks!)
And as I start in this new chapter in my life I can think of no place I’d rather be.
Cause…there is no place like home…and no place like San Francisco!
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
CROSSING THE BRIDGE
Every time I cross the Golden Gate Bridge I always get this sense of warmth…
Start by driving your car, hands at two and ten…point ahead, you can see the bridge…first we got to go through this tunnel so hold your breath…make a wish (please do NOT pass out while driving)…we made it through the tunnel, you can start to breath again…time to merge over to the right (whoever is in charge of lanes on the Golden Gate Bridge…you suck! Always have…booooooo traffic!) Traffic blows, take this time to change the radio station and make sure you don’t have stuff in your teeth…ohhh got to merge over one more lane…cause the other side really needs four to our two…wave thank you to the dude that just let you in…grab your cash to pay the toll (does anyone else remember when it was $2.00 and not $7.00)…pay the toll lady, wave hi…and get ready for some city driving!
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Blog 87: Come and Join the Magnificent Sanctuary Band (Music is My Church, Part IV)
Blog 87: Come and Join the Magnificent Sanctuary Band (Music is My Church, Part IV)
Parts I, II & III of “Music is my Church” are blogs 25, 44, and 78 (and if you haven’t read them, why the hell not people!)
Listening to Donny Hathaway always makes me think….
"There are multitudes of people dying cause they just won't see and try to understand, from the book I read, not one but all must follow, come and join the magnificent sanctuary band."
In recent weeks I have been making more of an effort to be good person.
Not that I didn't try before, or wasn't...But as of late I have been striving to bring a smile to people’s faces as much as possible and to be able to look in the mirror and be at peace with all my actions...and it has been ever so self-satisfying and self-exploring.
And yet I am human, and still faultier…and to be honest…I need a support system…a band as one might say.
After all, “It always seemed to me that my heart was in perfect timing with the big bass drum…remember how you got the code of glory feeling.” (The one that made your heart swell.)
What if we came together, not as just people, but as family...what if instead of bringing each other down, we held on to one another and stepped up?
What if we forgave others, and in turn were able to atone for our own sins?
What if we all made an effort to really make the world a better place?
I don't think I can attach myself to one religion...I kinda feel like I get parts of them all...
Who doesn't want to have faith?
Who doesn't need to believe in something...even if it is simply the power of one's self?
Who doesn't desire someone to wail to in the middle of the night?
Who hasn't gotten down on their knees and begged for mercy?
"There are multitudes of people dying, their temptation hangs over the land, in fact those people should just remember his command, come and join the magnificent sanctuary band."
There are times when I am selfish, and let myself be taken over by desire and want. It is in these hours that I feel a part of me has died. Whittled with guilt or self-despise I torment myself with thoughts that swirl in the sepulcher that can be my mind.
Part of me wonders if I am the only one that feels this?
Not only the pain of letting someone else down, but the failed potential of bringing myself up.
I see a common thread in many religions...BE KIND TO ONE ANOTHER...or in Sunny terms, "Don't screw anyone over!"
I know that I myself can get so blinded by things I have no control over...of other people, of life, of actuality...the truth is I need to SURRENDER...to do the best that I can and let destiny forge the path that I shall walk.
“The Son of Man speaks of Revelations and he's reaching, reaching out his hand, with his promise of salvation, come and join the magnificent sanctuary band.”
I don’t know what tomorrow is going to bring…I don’t really remember everything that happened yesterday…
I am simply acutely aware that Together We Can…and that is all.
I apologize if this blog comes off as “preachy” that is not what I am trying to accomplish.
I feel that “Being Good to One Another” is the root of all happiness…and for me personally, is an ideal that brings me salvation.
And I cannot Walk my Walk alone...I don't want to.
Now come and join the Magnificent Sanctuary Band.
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
THE COWGIRL (or COWBOY)
Start by hopping on your horse, this might take someone else giving you a nice footing with their hands and a boost. Now swing that leg over the horse and grab hold of the reigns. Holding the reigns tight, give that horse a little kick and start to hop up and down as the horse starts to gallop…ohhhh, look…a cow that has gone astray (or a hottie, which ever) time to lasso them on in. Holding the reigns with your left hand, grab your rope with the right and twirl it over your head…now let that action fly…wow, that totally went in the wrong direction…but you all get the drift...totally.
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