Blog 110: Dealing with being Horny (Love Tales Part VII)
(Love Tales Parts I-V are blogs 10, 17, 35, 47, 60 & 89…they are some of my most scariest to write…i try to keep my heart blocked off from so many people…it is one of the reasons I write my diaries…so that I cannot hide behind the hurt.)
Well…some months ago I wrote about “puma-ing that shit up” and how I would save dealing with being horny for another day…
And let me tell you…I am one hell of a Puma!
I also wrote that I was ready for a relationship…and low and behold…I had a short lived one…that had some really awesome moments and some seriously Telemundo like moments and the whole thing left me not only hurt but mad at myself for not listening to my gut.
It made me think…
“I can’t believe I actually humped that dude!”
In fact when I look back at the three men that I have had relationships with since I left my husband I think I have the, “I can’t believe I actually humped that dude” thought with all of them…yikes!
This was not a good realization…my choice in men suck!
I need to fix is problem…asap!
So ever since the dissolution of the short lived soap opera of a union…I have been striving to grapple with me being horny…because in all honesty…being horny is way easier than coping with being hurt and made to feel like a fool.
I try to convince myself that I can just have sex with a man…and have no feelings…but in good faith I know it not to be true…while it is not always love…it is something…something I can’t put words to…something that lingers.
These notions loitering on my soul of thought may be the reasons attributed to the brokenness of my heart that I laminated about in my last love tale.
Instead of putting blame on others, maybe it was I…my shortcoming with putting less worth on myself than I was owed…my lust overpowering my thought.
The yearning to be loved.
The unquenchable action of touch.
It is a hard addiction to break.
Sometimes I miss being caressed…but my heart is stronger than it has been of late…and my focus on the greater path more in tune.
To be quite honest…I have not been on sabbatical…I am human…I have needs…and while I am “dealing with being horny” that by no means acknowledges that the issue has been dealt with.
But I am totally making the effort….98% of the time.
I am trying to take my time with boys…because I am worth the wait, and the effort…and the dinner(s)…just saying…
And I really, really, really, really, really, REALLY do not want to have that, “I can’t believe I actually humped that dude!” thought in my mind again…it is really not good for my self worth.
I don’t have time to deal with being hurt…it way fucks up all the awesome shit I got going on for me right now…I can’t waist my time on shit that stands in the way of my destiny…I am a motherfucking princess…
Damm…I thought I had realized this shit about myself…self-evolvement is intense!
But I must continually better myself if I am to walk my path that has been set in motion.
Cause this has nothing to do with me being a princess…it is about me being a motherfucking Queen.
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
THE UNICORN (This Dance move requires a Fist full of Glitter)
You wanna start by putting your pointer and middle finger together and on top of your head making a horn, put you right hand which is full of glitter behind your back. Start to gallop around and shake your head from side to side…prance up to a friend, lift your leg and let the glitter fly down between your legs…who is a glitter shitting unicorn…you are!