Sunday, January 30, 2011

BLOG 4...Dance move of the week (BAKING THE COOKIES,) bathrooms, noodling, dying and living

Dance Move of the Week..
……I would like to thank my friends in Swiss Home for this one, and if anyone else thinks of awesome dance moves…send them my way….

“Baking the Cookies”
First you start with cracking the eggs, then you add more ingredients….you begin to mix that dough (can we intergrate “The Mixer” into this?)
Once that dough is smooth, grab the cookie sheet, spray some Pam on that bitch…start forming your cookies, use a second spoon to get the dough off the first spoon..DONT FORGET TO LICK THE SPOON HERE PEEPS….open the oven door…slide those bad boys in and wait….(looking at you watch and tapping your feet is always a good “waiting” dance move)..timer went off, grab the oven mitt, pull those cookies out….looks…ouch its to hot you burnt your togue… Blow on it…yummmmmm…warm cookies..
Great now I want some cookies…chicken fucker.

Thought 1
Hotels are a great place to use the bathroom when you are walking around the city, just walk in with purpose and pretend you know where you are going, clean bathrooms are crucial. Also they don’t let crackheads in so you know it is going to smell good, and a bathroom that smells good, well…shit, that is half the battle.

Thought 2
No one is better than anyone else. If you meet a famous musician or athlete, they are the same as you. Since moving back home to San Francisco, I have met some really awesome people, and some real ass holes. (the assholes have taught me a lot of lessons, and have made me appreciate the awesome people….see we are all important in some way in each other’s life.) The fact of the matter is, we are all special, we all contribute to society something that no one else does, we are us. Just cause someone is famous or rich doesn’t give them the right to be a bitch, or a chicken fucker. I talk to every person the same. I pretty much call everyone darlin, smile, say please and thank you and try not to put anyone out. One thing I’ve learned from moving away and then back to the city is that we all know someone that we can brag about, we have all met a famous person….you want a freaking cookie…it really doesn’t mean shit, so get off your freaking high horse. Times change, and while you might be on top on day, you might be face down on the floor in a puddle the next. We all go through times like this, and that is just life. So the next time you meet someone you think is important, or a crackhead on the street, remember…..we all the same.

Thought 3
Sometimes you gotta noodle in the beginning. I was listening to the “Pizza Tapes” with Garcia, Grisman & Rice and at one point Jerry goes,
“Should we noodle in the beginning?” .....HELL YES.
You gotta noodle your way around until you really start feeling it. Like when you hear a band and you realize that shit sounds good and you start to move, feeling the grooves….you kinda wave like a noodle to the beat, then they start to get dirty with that shit, the water starts to boil, and that noodle goes a bouncing in the way. Whether you are at a show or walking through the city, once you can get in tune with the pulse you just roll.

Thought 4
I saw a lady get hit and killed by a bus a while back. That shit has really fucked me up. I don’t wish someone seeing that on anyone. We need to all slow down and enjoy. We all rush around and don’t look at everything that is going on, the person walking by, the sun setting, take that shit all it, cause when it is our time it is our time, like it our not..and when we walk out of the door in the morning we do not know what is going to happen or what we are going to see. I don’t know if I will ever get over the image of that lady going under the bus like a lawn mower takes down a blade of grass..she had the right of way and her hands up so the driver would see her, but no, he never stopped, the image haunts my sleep, I really don’t know when I am going to be right….life is so precious, and freaking awesomeness, I hope we all realize that.

Thought 5
You really got to live every day like it is your last. Or at least live to be happy.. When I was married I worked years without a day off… I could just loose it all. When I left my husband and lost everything, I stumbled, and I fell, but I dusted myself off, nutted up and dealt with life. I also made a promise to myself to live and be happy. Now life can still be a bitch that stands up and slaps you in the face when you are just chilling, but I think that bitch is fucking awesome. Yes, I could stress on the crap, but I choose to boogie, and sometimes I have to remind myself that. People always ask me why I go to so much music and how I have the energy to do everything that I do…..because I’m alive damm it. When I work one to two jobs a day , work out, clean, talk to my friends, go out to at least one if not two shows four to five days a week and at the end of each night my feet hurt, and I wake up and my feet still hurt….I feel like I have truly lived, and I love it. Aint no one ever going to tell me that I did not live my fucking life.

Till next time……..

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Blog 3....thoughts on a psychedelic walk and more

Not having a TV.....the tenderloin is the best free cable a girl could have...and no commercials...why would anyone want to live anywhere else.

As I found myself in need of a psychedelic walk last night (anyone who knows me, knows these walks are my favorite) I headed to Nob Hill...mostly because walking up hill is great for my ass...and...well...gotta keep the butt quarter bouncing firm.
Anyhoo...a thought crossed my mind...why nob hill over the tenderloin?
I used to be a personal assistant for a crazy lady that lived at the peak of the hill...she paid $3400 a month for a one bedroom, I pay $975 all utilities included for a studio. Why pay so much more?
A. Is it the hardwood floors, I took huge pieces of scrap flooring and duck taped that shit good, easy to clean, cost me like 30 bucks...but hardwood floor are nice....
B. Is it the quiet? What if i want to party, bring my friends over, get nob hill, i think every one in a five block radius would hear me the tenderloin, I rage throughout the night, have friends get drunk and start the "loud talk" don't matter...its the tenderloin, we can do whatever we want. (and a perk to the transvestite prostitute working across the hall, when you are to loaded to take the stairs home early in the morning....the elevator is always on our floor)
To me the quiet makes you pay attention more to what other people are the Loin, we worry about our own damm self.
C. Where in nob hill is there a 24 hour least...i also have 3 diners, and indian food place & bbq.....what if a princess gets hungry in the weeee hours, or runs out of mixers...i would be a princess shit out of luck if i lived in nob hill....THANK GOD FOR THE TENDERLOIN
D. Maybe its the sure is pretty....and the lights twinkling with the bridge and the water, and to just stand and breathe and take it all in...the Fairmont all lit up....the quiet wind blowing against my skin...but knowing me...I think I enjoy more now. I see the view almost everyday, I see it as I walk my miles around the city, And i think if i lived in nob hill i would spend to much time sitting and looking at the view, than getting out and living and seeing the view.
living in the tenderloin..gets me out to see more that the city has to offer...
E. As my walk steered me back to the tenderloin, my instinct to grab my corkscrew hit me...and than a thought, ....I could get mugged or attacked in nob hill, that shit can happen anywhere, anytime....but in the tenderloin, Im expecting that element of surprise...I'm prepared. i'd rather live in the tenderloin and be ready for all the crazy shit that life can throw at you, than living in nob hill and being surprised when life throw you shit.

the tenderloin has helped prepare me for life....because crazy shit is always going to happen, now im just always ready for it...and it really makes me appreciate the good shit that happens....and the views I get to see.

Was hanging with friends in a bar last night...the guy who had been sitting next to me, who I did not know....came back from the men's bathroom, I looked him up and down and said, "smells bad" (***please note*** to me smelling good is key..if I high five...I smell it friend taught me the "spank and sniff" a while ago....really if you spank and sniff outside the pants and it smells you really want to hang with the person for to you want to share a joint...think about it. PEEPS, SMELLING GOOD IS IMPORTANT.)....anyhoo, he responded to my 'smells bad' with (remember I do not know this guy)..."Oh yeah, i totally just bombed that whole thing. I just had sushi and the greasy breakfast i had, had to go to make room for the fish. I would not even go near that direction of the look nice tonight." ....just then my friend walked out of the bathroom with an odd look on his face....hummmmmmmm

Dance move of the week.....
who has watched the winter sport of CURLING
So here it stretch your arm out behind you and lunge forward..trying to slide, letting your arm come forward and the imaginary ice thingy launch out of your hand...then hop up and as you jump from side to side ...SWEEP...SWEEP...SWEEP.....totally

Sunday, January 23, 2011



**thanks everyone for reading my blog…again…this is a project I have been working on…so it could have been thought yesterday or months before…but all thoughts occurred in the Tenderloin.******

Thought 1
Um I have heard several names for Man Camel Toe,  Mamuel Toe, Goat Hoof…how bout MOTHERFUCKING ouch, ouch ouch ouch, and owwwwwwwwwww.   Seriously let me give you mamuel kickers a  couple tips on the man-toe from a lady…  
A.      it is not attractive and it looks painful.
B.      If you are short, having a Goat Hoof does not distract from your shortness, and the lift, prop and separate does NOT MAKE IT LOOK ANY BIGGER….seriously…COME ON PEEPS..OWWW.
C.      (I totally looked the guy up and down and said “owwwwww’…tee hee hee.)
D.      Dick and tits are two totally different things.  It is cool to show off your tits…or I find more people are going to be like “yeahhhh titty cleavage”…dick cleavage, not to much, im actually going to give that a complete no on the dick cleavage…TOTALLY

                           Thought 2
You have to learn how to say “fuck it”  Not everyone is going to like you, not everyone is going to think you are cool (I am however), but when you learn not to give a flying fuck what other people think about you, you begin to love and accept yourself in ways that you never thought imaginable.  No one is perfect, and we all can be ding dongs, and we all don’t always say the right things, the important part is your intentions.  If you have good intentions, and always try to do your best, well fuck it.  And you should surround yourself with friends and family that accept you for you, your faults and your achievements…and in return, do the same for them.  I surround myself with loving  people that I know are good, that way they don’t have to apologize and neither do I, and if they don’t have good intentions, I wash them from my life.....fuck it.

Thought 3
It would be really cool if for the sake of awesomeness the city would put speakers on the street.  Music makes everything better.  For example.  When I am walking down Post and hit Larkin (with my corkscrew pointed out of course.)  I have it on all corners..hookers, crackheads, transvestites, drunk peeps… would be awesome if as I hit that corner..i would hea it start to bump..than ohh yeah…” who’s got the funk…baby I got the funk…your funky funky”  I mean Im just saying…that shit would make me dance, crack the fuck up, and not only that…that shit is funny.  And it’s a perfect soundtrack for that street…totally. 
*****please though if speakers are installed…can a 
‘no techno’ rule be enforsed..please for the sake of my eardrums..thump, thump, thump, thump, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Dance move #2
My friend from Eugene taught me this one, thanks B.
The hop into the shower dance
Start by either opening the door or the curtain, then step one foot over the tub, then the other…now turn on the hot and cold water.   Get wet, now wash yourself with soap..i usually spin in a circle scrubbing for this one.  Make sure you get the pits, and the butt, shake it off, turn the water faucets off….open the door, grab the towel and put it behind your back, as you step over the tub towel off…I usually shake my boobs when I towel off, but I mean a chance to shake your tits is a chance to shake your tits.

Shake it on down now.

Friday, January 21, 2011

welcome back bitches/ intro & blog one

So here it goes...take two on the blog...hopefully no chicken fuckers will shut me down for saying chicken fuckers to much...welllll

I am going to republish my first blogs(I have improved them some,) just so you can get into all that is chewy about my blog...totally

(please note, my blogs are not dated, and might have happened a while ago or figure it out)

Let me get started by saying one thing....I'm not really a princess...not in the castle, jewels and I've got some say in how we run shit sort of way.

I am a princess because I see the tenderloin as my palace.  People might look at it and sneer, I dive right in to the darkness and still shine my fact my light penetrates the cold and evil...and my smile spreads...I've seen and I believe in my being positive...
deal with it peeps.
In my reality...I'm a princess.

Im a 30 year old red head, that just really started living my life, and let me tell you, it is freaking awesome.

I am blessed to live in the tenderloin in San Francisco, why do I feel blessed to live in the tenderloin, well here are some reasons..........

an example of a perfect tenderloin evening.....i take a cab after doing my white girl dancing at the boom boom room....(examples of white girl dancing are, "the lawnmower, the sprinkler, the hop into the shower dance, driving the bus, the stinky panties dance, the rollercoaster........and so forth) There is always good live music at the boom boom room(and the shit I can get away with there....awesomeness) I get dropped of on Polk and Post so i can pick up whip its for making home made whip cream all night...yeah believe that one....anyhoo, i get out and walk to my awesome local whip it store (a "smoke shop") that is open til 3am and they are cheap....awesomeness. 
Papi, as i call him, (I pretty much call every dude "Papi",) is outside talking to a hooker, who turns out to be a girl that was in the "Sugar Bootie Contest" at the boom boom room with me a couple of months ago.....crazyness, a real hooker in my bootie contest, I knew something was up when she popped and dropped it in what I thought was going to be a PG bootie contest.
Then papi tries to proposition me, i tell him no, but talk him down on a 'tabacco' pipe :) Then i ask the question ive been wanting to ask for weeks, "which whip its are the best, the red or the blue"....... so i get the red, i have him double bag it so i can use the case as a weapon if need be,

 i forgot my corkscrew which is what i usually use as a weapon in the tenderloin, yeah i watched TRUE ROMANCE.

(note to peeps...I will constantly refer to make shift weapons in the tenderloin....a person always has got to be prepared.)

So then Papi and i get into a conversation about how everything is a circle, and we all have to help each other out, and how good energy is important, and how we can all spread it to each other......awesomeness and im on my way, i stop half a block down for a piece of 24 hour pizza, crucial.

I then walk down another block where my favorite hookah bar owner offers me free smoke and says i am welcome to come smoke for free, and i think he hits on me, but ive been at a show all night and im pretty loaded so im really not sure.....but free hookah....totally

then i pass my neighbor across the hall on the corner, who yes, is offically a transvestite hooker, i know now because i see her/him picking up a dude and walking towards my apartment direction....

I then pass two dudes laughing at their friend who is sitting on the curb about to puke with a crack head yelling at him, "just put your finger down your throat you will feel better, damm it"

I have to stable myself on a wall so i can laugh and fist pump while yelling "i love the tenderloin"

I get on my block just as the tranny and her man are closing the gate.

See this is what is so great about the a six foot tall red head, who can be a little(LOT)nutty...I don't stick out.

Dear Tenderloin....I love you.
you have helped me love being able to be me.

....everything in awesomeness

Alright so here we go again.....lessons i have learned in the pass few days......

lesson one....
if you are going to pass out at a raging party...look cute while you do it, and remember that if you do pass least you didnt say anything stupid.....and you know i always look cute....totally. (but it never hurts to tell a lady to move out of the way of the door, come one peeps)

or this is how i realized that you have to find the awesomeness in everything. Dont focus on the negative or what you might feel bad about, that makes you feel like crap, focus on what you can high five yourself on and you will feel so much better.

lesson two.... 
fire your man....this is to my lady friends who bitch about their men. ladies if your not happy with your man, get rid of him and do it your own damm self. And if you are not going to nut up and get rid of a man who is obviously not good enough for you....well who's fault is that.

dont get me wrong ladies, being single is not all tea and single, and while dating is well.......wellll...we all know...its is better than being with a guy that doesnt treat you like you should be treated, a guy that wont commit, i guy that doesnt work, or talks down to you, or doesnt make you feel like the most awesome think since hot fudge......

I treat myself better than i have ever been treated by anyone. And i refuse to settle for anyone that doesnt match that standard......

awesomeness in this, i feel a whole lot better being single after hearing about multiple lady friends relationship issues.

lesson three....
food poisoning is a bitch and a half....totally

awesomeness in this...i think i lost like 3 pounds...whoop whoop

lesson four..... 
biker boys that open doors and wont let you pay for shit is awesomeness, and unexpected.........note to not dependent on shit, i have like six jobs, but for me, I dig a guy that realizes how hard i work and likes to treat me and makes me feel special, and guys should open doors for ladies, and all that great doesnt mean i need you to do all this stuff for me, but damm, it makes me feel nice.....and to think, he is just a friend...somebody is going to be happy.....
chivalry is not dead...awesomeness

lesson five
the red ones are better..,.totally

Okay those are the the lessons for this week. now on to a couple other things, HALLOWEEN is freaking tv for sure...go into a diner at 230 in the morning and watch what comes in on halloween, 230 in the morning usually is really interesting....times 10 if you throw costumes in the mix.

having a car in the city is a bitch....ohhhh and the pick up line "i had never met a girl from kanas before, but if they are like you im moving there" sounds even lamer when im borrowing my friends car and ive never been to kanas....ding dong

if you increase your incline on a treadmill up to a 30 percent incline and go up and down from 20 to 30 every 3 minutes, you can totally burn 700 calories in 40 minutes.....awesomeness

Dance of the week
"The Mixer'
Take your knee and put it at a 90 degree angle..start to rotate get into it...put your arms out, and while rotating your leg, spin in a cirlce (note...if you have had more he 7 drinks...this might be tuff...if only 6 drinks, fuck it, put your seat belt on and spin)