Sunday, November 16, 2014

Blog 119: Stop Saying I need a Man!

Blog 119: Stop Saying I Need a Man…

I have had quite a few people in recent weeks tell me what I need…They say I need a Man to take care of me…and I’m like…”Yo bro…I got my shit handled.”

I understand they are just trying to tell me what they think is best.

One had the audacity to tell me if I wasn’t so tall…or sassy…or if I didn’t come off so intelligent I might get a man…

When I replied, “No…I just haven’t found someone that treats me as good as I treat myself.”

He responded, “No, maybe it is how you come off.”

I tried to remind him that I was a princess and I think he said no again…but to be honest, I don’t really remember because when I get stuck in conversations or situations that don’t mentally stimulate me I go to my happy place…and my “Happy Place” has rainbows and sparkles with bubbles and dancing bears and spinning action-ness…and is totally distracting from whatever conversation I am trying not to be in…if you ever see me in public and I got this weird look in my eye and my mouth is slightly open…that is “Deep Happy Place” time…shit is getting digital!

Anyhoo…to sum it up…I am pretty sure he said my 10 year plan should be to get a man to take care of me so I could have a family.

We had some “Deep Happy Place” moments that day.

Then, just the other day my friend takes me out to dinner and he goes…

“Homie, we need to get you Balling!”

and of course I am like, “Totally!”

Then he was like…”We need to find you a man that can take of you.”

As my jaw started to drop and visions of sugar plums started dancing in my head, I think I said, “No Bro…how bout I just do it my fucking self.”

I believe he laughed at me and said something else…but at that point the colors were to intense for me to really pay attention.

Now I know that both these men where coming from a place of love and wanting what is best for me…I know that their intentions are truly good…they are just way of base.

But it seems like everyone is on this “Sunny needs a man kick”…cause even my Moms said it the other day.

I was like…”Mom, stop…that is bullshit. I have so much stuff I have to do for me, I don’t have time to deal with a man right now..besides you and dad’s relationship has pretty much fucked any chance I have of finding a dude that makes me happy.”

(I have written about how awesome my parents relationship is, how my dad cuts the tree in front of the house in the shape of a heart so when my mom comes home she knows how much he loves her…I was telling a boy..aka “Tales of the Crypt” about how my dad pumps my mom gas for her to “make sure her tank is always full.”…he laughed and said he hoped I didn’t expect him to treat me like that. I shook my head…I thought that was the point of having kids…for them to have better than what you had…so yeah, mom and dad…you have fucked me…but not really, for unlike many…I get to be a witness to a true partnership that has span many years and only grows over time.)

I had a man once, I was married…and because I was young I thought I needed to be married to be happy…I thought that is what made my parents work…not the qualities that one possesses as I have now learned. That was ten years of my life I spent doing someone else’s dream…I refuse to waste another moment…

And yes I get lonely and sad. But I also wake up Happy and acknowledge almost everyday how great and blessed my life is. I least on my own I have found some fucking balance.

I don’t need a man to take care of me…I have actually done a pretty damm good job of doing that on my own…and there has been glitter and nice dinners the entire time. Yes I could have more…but patience Sunny, patience.

And If I actually ever feel like being with a man again…it will NOT be because I need him to take care of me…it will be cause I WANT him in my life…that he will bring out more of the light within me…not have me become this thing he tends to.

I want a man that wants more for me…for my of dreams to be accomplished...and the ability to achieve his own in the process...but I don't need this…for I am too busy accomplishing the dreams that I can on my own and with my family.

So please…stop fucking telling me I need a man…serious glitter bombing will follow.

If you really want to be my friend or give me good advise…tell me to do more of what makes me happy, encourage me to find my path, my voice and my meaning.

For that…is what will truly make me a Happy and full of Sunshine.



Cause sometimes you get thirsty!

Okay so this works great for when you are at a show and your friend is next to you with a full drink…preferably vodka…grab and extra cup and walk up to them…ask to borrow their cup and once in hand show them your other cup…give them both a little wave in the air. Squeeze the lime they have on the edge of their cup into their drink then put your empty cup on top…do a pretend shaker move…I say pretend to avoid spilling…if you feel like you got good suction then by all mean shake away. Always feel free to shake your booty while you shake your drink. Once you feel like you have gotten the effect across….evenly distribute the cocktail into the two glasses…and give them a cheers and say, “now that is how you make a great cocktail.” I usually smile very big as well and hope it works. (Buying the next round for your friend encourages this dance move to happen more frequently…and beer is never recommend.)

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Blog 118: An Open Letter to Mayor Ed “Suck It" Lee

Blog 118: An Open Letter to Mayor Ed “Suck It" Lee

(***Please note: The following Letter is more angry than I like to be. While I prefer to solve all my problems with solutions, sparkles and good thoughts…sometimes I got to be straight up honest…sometimes I just got to get it out…San Francisco is my best friend, it is my home, it is my life, it has my heart…no other place can you so purely be you or individuality so embraced…and to see my friend, wither and become sullen…angers me…this is simply me voicing my distain…and moving forward after.)

Dear Mr. Lee

I like to save these writings for my thoughts, giggles and inner inspirations….but lately Mr. Ed Lee…all I can think about is how much you suck.

I mean you are like the freaking “George Bush Jr” of mayors….you suck more than a crack-whore on the days the checks go out…seriously…step down, move to Tiburon and get the funk out of my city.

What the hell are you doing to San Francisco!

You have moved technology in and it is killing my city…man…didn’t your mama ever read you Nietzsche.

Everyone is tuning in and no one is tuning out. You walk down Market Street now and everyone has their noses buried in their cell phones, no one has color on and no one is smiling…originality is fleeting and $15 cocktails are a norm.

They are charging $3,000 a month for a studio in the Tenderloin!!!! I see crack being smoked over 20 times a day and people are suppose to pay $3,000 to see that and live in a closet size apartment. Eat horse shit Mr Lee.

Even my rent control apartment has gone up $50 bucks a month and will continue to do every year because they decided to keep the elevator up to code…they even took my security deposit away to put towards fixing up the building because of this new law Mayor Fuck Head put in…and now I have 4 feet of wood in my hallway…thanks…it was worth it!

Ed Lee…fuck you! (have I said that yet….)

Fuck your pretentious egotistical dumb ass…

You really know how fuck a city up…can you please resign and can we put Gavin Newsom back in office…please, please, please….Gavin we need you back…you are the Clinton of mayors and we miss you. Gavin put in social programs to ensure every child can go to college, that everyone have health care and inspired art in the city. (don’t forget the whole gay marriage action as well!)

You Mr. Lee are all about the rich, you better be careful though, push all the lower income peeps out…ain’t no one going to be able to shine you shoes…

It is like you have gone crazy…has no one ever taught you about balance, about patience, about flavor…if I see you…careful, I will “sparkle bitch slap” a mother fucker.

My city is loosing its parks, its music venues, the little hole in the wall places that make it unique. We are loosing our artists, our musicians and our tiny mom and pop shops…if you didn’t put in the sparkle-red bus/taxi lanes or rainbow crosswalks in the Castro…I would…I would…well let’s just say thank goodness for the sparkles and rainbows. (can we put the rainbow crosswalks in front of the tie-dye shop too…just saying…and you can’t ticket me for driving in the bus/taxi lane…it is my own personal princess-red-sparkle-carpet!)

But if you are going to add cool stuff like that to the city, make sure you got people working here that can stop and appreciate it.

Ed Lee, you are setting this city up for failure.

The rents are only going to go up, only the rich will remain…and those blessed in rent control apartments. I feel like the city is a ballon that the mayor is blowing up and he doesn’t know when to stop…and I am frightened by the “pop” that will come.

It’s like you want to do everything at the same time and not finish out a project and see how it will actually affect the city…like seriously, do all of the roads need to be under construction at once…have you heard of planning…of one thing at a time…this is California, smoke some freaking weed and chill out for a couple months…stop letting all these rich people in…we have enough here already…let some of the middle class people that have been here forever have a chance to move ahead instead of moving out…

You have made all these changes without thinking about the true outcome, or you just don’t give a fuck. Just cause you are going through a mid-life crisis doesn’t mean the city has to…The city can get up on it’s own…it doesn’t need your “viagra” antics…the city is a natural.

Figures your bitch-punk ass is not even from the city…pussy!

But it is cool Mr. Lee…cause see, the thing is…you underestimate my city and its people.

You forgot that while your reign is soon over, San Francisco ain’t going no where. This city has a tenacity, a force, a beat and a people that won’t let this city go.

My city has nine lives…we have survived earthquakes, riots and pain…and each time we come back stronger…with a fierce tenacity that is unstoppable.

And I also need to have faith in the new arrivals…that they will become San Francsicians and realize what an awesome city they got here…that it needs to be saved and not sold away.

More importantly…I ain’t going no where…Mr. Ed Lee, you are going to have to deal with me…and my glitter…and I will fight for my kingdom and its people that breathe a vitality into the city that need to be here.

We will fight…we will prevail…you will go grow old in the north bay.

The City must win…there is no other option…San Francisco is a true wonder of the world.

The world needs more places like San Francisco, not more Mayors like Ed Lee.



HAILING THE CAB (this totally helps if you are looking for a friend in a crowd, just telling them you are the one with your hand going up and down in the air.)

Get your Stance on….feet shoulder width apart, maybe bend the knee a little bit…a little hip never hurt no one…cabbie in sight…hand up…wave it…wave it…put it down…cabbies if you have a ride…turn the light off.

Ohhhhhhh, hand up…town car in sight…and nooooo, check your phone and see how far the nearest Lyft Driver is…nope…it is prime time…search both streets…..hand up…a little more knee….oh, oh, oh…fish on...there is your friend.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Blog 117: The Yin & the Yang

Blog 117: The Yin & the Yang

Someone paid me a compliment a while back (I think)…how I am a independent women…self-sufficient…how I don’t need anyone to help me….how I should be proud…I responded with “There is a Yin to every Yang.”

For while it was a saying of praise, it was also a statement of some things I really need to work on within myself…I love being a bad ass bitch…yet sometimes I feel I lack a certain softness that I miss and I feel would help make me whole.

Let us be real..I do live a blessed life as a princess…I have an amazing family…a marvelous group of friends that are simply awesome people…A job where I get to wear what I want (glitter included!) am surrounded by rainbows and get to give back to my city….I have a rent controlled apartment downtown in the most expensive city to live in…and I know without a doubt that I am loved….to add to it, five years ago I was living with my parents working in the same place I had worked before I left home the first time…when I look back, I know I have come so far…I am amazed…and I have sparkled the whole damm time.

But I still cry, in fact I wail…I still have a hallow emptiness that engulfs me…a need to be loved that is never satisfied…a yearning for more…for freedom….for the light within me to hit the prism inside of me in just the right way…so I am truly beautiful.

I am Sunny…yet my sun still sets and my world is consumed by night and darkness…and on a cloudy evening, I cannot see the stars.

And one of my lessons I need to learn on this path to being a Queen is the Yin and the Yang.

The balance of the good and the bad.

The acceptance of the Path.

The more the moons pass the more air apparent it seems to me that the Yin makes way for the Yang.

The bleakness that comes from the concurrence of life, the lessons, the cavernous pits….makes the breathes and views at the top of the peaks that much more vivid…and surreal.

I give example of the back pain that I have written about in the past two blogs. It has changed my life…I have slowed, I have rested…it let me slip into somewhat of a depression…encompassed in pain…all I have wanted was to stay at home…ice my back and be with the one cat I had left.

And as my beloved feline that I have loved since college, slipped away into the afterlife this past week on my lap, in my arms…I felt eternal gratitude to my ailment…a soft…cosmic relief.

For it is what needed to happen in order for me to truly be at peace with my best friend’s passing.

I had the gift of being able to say a proper good-bye.

A thing I would have not been granted had my back been fine…this pain I have hated for so long…I now loved.

And in embracing this debilitating horror I have been dealing with…it has begun to ease itself in my mind…I know now…my time to heal has come…and while from time to time it might make me stay in or breathe and extra breath…there is a reason behind it I might not know till later…and I accept this notion.

For everything has a Yin and a Yang.

Nothing is perfect.

There will always be a crack, a flaw, an imperfection….and that is simply how life is suppose to be.

And as my life closes with my dear friend, I am acutely aware that another door has opened….I might not know where it leads for years to come….that is part of the mystery…the never ending white light that stands before me…

The eternal war with balance will take a lifetime to learn…maybe more….yet a notion I am willing to be schooled on.

It is my duty, in dealing with the sadness and the pain…to come back stronger than I was before…therefore the darkness will not have been in vain.

And my appreciation to the sun will let me bask in its light.



Okay….so let me start off by saying…I might have a small (huge) addiction to glitter…(no one knew this already) and I am known for glitter bombing just about everything…including sidewalks…this is a dance explaining that ideal.

Please note: While I am not a fan of the “huge” specs of glitter, for getting the sidewalk it actually works better (not if you are trying to get it in wet cement, but it kills it on the dry)…you can see it better as well as it makes an odd “crushing” sound when people walk over it…so you can know someone is coming and surprise “glitter bomb” them with ease.

Alright…start with getting your glitter in your shaker and look both ways…there are rules to The Sparkle Shuffle…no glittering when babies are around, pets or open container of foods (we have to be somewhat respectable)…senior citizens are fair game….if the coast is 90% clear start your shake…make sure the wind is in your favor and keep on shaking…I usually add my ass to the shake…just because…cover all ground you need…once you think you have gotten it all…shake again…and shake again…you want to get every last drop out so slam the bottom of the glitter container with your hand as it is upside…one more shake…alright…stand back…oh man you are blinded by glitter…that means you did a good job…but don’t stop shaking your booty…never stop shaking the booty…and shuffle on!

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Blog 116: The Art of Surrendering...

Blog 116: The art of SURRENDERING

I have been quiet for some time….

One of the most vivid memories I have of the period of my life right after my divorce is when I was living at a friend’s house…I had just lost my relationship of ten years…I had lost my restaurant….I partied way to much…and I was covered in psoriasis from head to toe (If one does not know what psoriasis is…it is an auto-immune disease that leaves red/purple spots or crazy patches all over or in certain areas on your skin)

I was about 3 months into having it…

I remember sitting on my friend’s porch…watching the sunset…talking on the phone with my daddy…in fact I was wailing…I hated feeling so ugly and so hopeless about it.

It was at the point that it had taken metal control of me.

My father reminded me to “breathe” and then laid down the harsh reality that I may be like this for the rest of my life…that I had to deal…to SURRENDER to it all…to learn how to channel my light…to become okay with having this disease…

I remember crying in response…not wanting to give in, not wanting to succumb to feeling like a leper.

As the days continued I worked on breathing…I worked on taking care of myself…and I learned to let go….as the months transpired, I lost my house, I caved in and moved back to San Francisco into my parents house…I lost my car…

And I tried my hardest to simply be at peace with it all…to surrender.

And at last, my psoriasis subsided.

It would come back once more so far in my life when I was going through another stressful time.

I remembered the words my daddy had told me and it was only with me for three months not eight.

Today I am psoriasis free except for the back of my arms being red…which everyone gets on me about wearing sunscreen and I just let it go…and my heart-broken spot. (I have one spot on my upper right thigh that I have named this spot…after I broke up with a boyfriend it occurred and recently returned after the passing of my beloved cat…today I am acutely aware that when the spot subsides I am over the recent heart break as much as I can be…I wear my feelings on my skin.)

I am recalling this story today because I have been dealing with unyielding pain of my back for 3 months now…and it has started to affect me mentally…I feel trapped in this cocoon of inflicted misery…I yearn to be able to bend over…to function…I fear it will over take me…it will dull my soul from shinning.

I call it the “tooth pain” of my back…and at some point last week as a gimped to work across Webster Street and tears poured down my face…thoughts of SURRENDERING flashed through my soul, I saw myself years ago…sitting on that porch talking to my daddy…I swallowed the air deeply as the notion that I may be like this for the rest of my life abided and the realization of acceptance washed my being…tears transformed into breathes…but the pain did not yield nor subside…instead it howled in my mind like a werewolf to a blood moon.

Patience is a virtue and perseverance can be a bitch…and sometimes one must get past the pain…this ideal with that of surrendering flashed in my head the other day as I stretched myself to tears, cussing and moaning (God knows what my neighbors thought I was doing)…and when my mind told me to go no further…that it would hurt too much, I breathed and stretched some more. In a moment a felt a release…tingles shot up and down my leg and a feeling I had been missing returned to my foot…all of I sudden, while they burned so very far away…I could see the candle light’s of home, illuminating a road to recovery.

And while the hurt still wallows upon the horizon of my back…the darkness has lifted and the light has begun to peek out from the pillows of the night….granted the pain is still there, in fact I had to go to the hospital it was so bad… brooding in my being…clawing at my ability to smile, tearing down my feelings of hope. For a moment, I realized that while I might get better, I might not…I just might have awesome days, good days, bad days and horrific days.

I wish my back never had issue but I also realize that losing primary function and replacing it with constant infliction was a path I need to learn and comprehend. For some time I had been taking simple movement for granted…not truly understanding others that pain never granted mercy to….sometimes you can’t walk in another man’s shoes…so God gives you your own pair…and makes you amble until the lesson is learned.

I also have to learn to surrender to the fact that I can’t do it all. I need to rest and recover…for this battle is far from over…and just as I can’t party with certain drugs or eat certain foods to keep my psoriasis at bay, I must shift my life in certain ways to maintain the function of my body and my health. I have been overworking my body for years now…and it seems air apparent that it has caught up with me…I need to shift the way I live and labor…and make sure I am taking care of myself and my body. I need to give myself time to heal.

I had written previously that “Shift Happens” but I never scripted that it was easy. I know I need to surrender to this pain, not have it take over my being…Sometimes “Walking the Walk” is so fucking hard and painful…and is so much easier to just say.

As the days fade to weeks I will try my hardest to cope and Surrender…to find a peace to it all…a reason, a lesson…I will breathe…and hope, that the pain fades like the days.

And once I do accomplish this mission of surrender…there will be another right behind it.

For the art of the Surrendering is something we must deal with everyday.



Have you ever been injured? But still need to dance…then this move is perfect for you! Start by finding the most comfortable position for you to stand in and bend your knees a little bitt…have your butt start to make a figure eight, and your upper body follow….if you are feeling good let your arms groove with you (not comfortable, hold on to the back of a bar stool) allow your head to get into the movement as well…and let the music take you away…the two great things about this dance move….no matter what you are going through you need to dance, and you are stretching out your back if you really get you hips into it…twofer dance move…I’d day so!

Monday, May 12, 2014

Blog 115: PAIN

Blog 115: PAIN

I have been in pain recently…it morphs and bends in all shapes

Whether it be the death of a dear pet, being caught in the cross-fires of an ego war, the torments of a dear friend breaking the moral code or the affliction in my lower back from an old Badminton injury diving for Shuttle-Cocks that has become somewhat debilitating at certain times…how I long to simply be able to put on my socks again and not have it take five freaking minutes!

Some sort of Pain has been on mind…It almost started to cloak my light.

As I walked to work today…I felt the discomfort in my back slice through my spine and almost stopped me in my tracks…I did not have the time to halt or complain….only saunter forward not able to miss a beat…I took deep breathes and let the irritation run through my body…forcing me to stride longer and more determined…I knew I must simply march.

Some have offered me a pill to take to calm the misery, but for me personally, I just can’t do that…they don’t agree with me…they do not brighten my beams…

I am a walk that shit out kinda girl……stretch that shit out kinda girl…a meditate the pain away kinda girl…I really am my father’s daughter in every sense of the word…he would tell me to go swim in the bay if anyone is wondering…and he does it without a wetsuit. (Now you know where the ding dong in me comes from)

Sitting here now, writing, is painful and I must keep writhing in my chair…but I must write…I need to…I can’t stop doing what I need to do cause it hurts…that just can’t be an option…and I got to do that shit right.

I can’t let my Pain get in the way of my Path.

There are times in life when we are crushed and debilitated….when pain has the ability to over take us…and we have a choice…

Do we act with Valor, Courage and Nobility?

Or do we give ourselves a hall pass on trying…succumbing to the agony and letting it break who we are…what we should be…

I must admit…sometimes the ache cripples me…sometimes it makes me take a knee…sometimes the hurt causes me to wail…sometimes it causes me to tremble.

But I will not let Pain be Victorious...

Whether it is Physical or Mental, Pain can be palatable most of the times if we channel it in the proper way...if we learn to cope...

If we force it to evolve into light.

I am reminded of a time…almost eleven years ago…Pain overtook my wrists and my ankles…causing me to go on disability at school and my medical bills to sky rocket. After months of test there was no definitive diagnosis…fed up with waiting to find out what was wrong…I changed my life….

Six months later I was 80 pounds lighter…and running almost everyday.

And that shit hurt like a mother-fucker!

Giving up Oreos hurt like a mother-fucker!

But it was the first time in my life I really felt like a strong ass bitch

The first time in life I truly understood my capabilities when my determination was at its peak.

Pain of some sort is with us everyday that we live…it is something we all share with each other.

It is in our time of torment and utter darkness that our actions show our true self.

I desire and hope that in my moments of devastating pain…

I rise up above them like the sun after a starless night.


PUTTING ON THE SUNSCREEN…cause it is getting hot!

Start grooving…spread your arms out wide and give yourself a spin and really soak that sun up…(this dance move does not have to be done outside, you just might have to sell it more)…pull out from your pocket a pretend bottle…give it a feverish shake and open the cap with your teeth…making sure “gusto” is involved. Squirt some into your hand and start to rub it all over…get your face, your arms, behind your ears, your legs….man you put a lot in your hand…you might have to do a “fast hand movement” to randomly fling some off…getting your back is a bitch…you might have to ask someone for help….just smear the leftovers from your hand onto there’s…give them a dirty look back if they think that is weird…oh no…don’t let them put the sunscreen on you there!

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Blog 114: I am a DIVA...

Blog 114: I am a Diva….

I am a Diva in case you didn’t know…I am actually a “Diva-Princess-Unicorn”….that being said, I feel like I have explained the me being a “Princess” thing quite well…and live up to my title…and I really don’t think that anyone can argue with the fact that I am a mythical creature that shits sparkles...totally.

But the Diva thing…I wasn’t sure of that at first…but now…wellllllllll…you just got to embrace yourself sometimes!

My friend is actually the person that called me a “Diva” at first…I looked at her in HORROR! I turned to my other friend with bewilderment and question in my eyes…her response…”After hearing you deal with the city on the phone for a week… are totally a Diva!”

(**Sunny Side Note**….have you ever dealt with the city to get them to fix something…let me tell you…it is asinine…you have to get transferred like 30 times…no one can help you…you have to file claims…which get sent to someone else…that being said…I know how to get shit done…it is part of being a proper Diva…I had the city remove the stumps i was bitching about in 2 WEEKS…if you have dealt with the city at all…you know that is record time…and I had to yell at a LOT of people…I also said “thank you so much” after each dealing with each person no matter how moronic the conversation was…and i got that shit handled.)

My friend, seeing the astronomic look on my face after her comment….explained herself…”It is not a bad thing Sunny…it is just you know what you want and you aren’t going to put up with anything else.”

Well after she explained it like that…I am totally a Diva!

I have to admit…it is something that has progressed with age…the older I get…the more acutely aware I become of what I like and what I dislike and how I like it done…that I don’t have the time or want to even bother with something that is not going to make me happy.

As the time passes…the more educated I become of the fact that I have to voice the essentials of my happiness…it really evaporates a lot of my lack of contentment.

Life is to short to not be upfront and honest about my needs.

I am not trying to be a bitch…I want to make people ecstatic…I desire to do good/noble things…

I am a true hearted person…I am sparkly and bubbly…

And I carry a Cork Screw…so don’t fuck with me.

Cause while I am all of those awesome things…

I ain’t going to have no one mess with me…

I ain’t going to to waste my time anymore…

No one will stray me from my path…

My vision is clear..and I am walking towards the light…

If I am not satisfied and joyful…it is impossible for me to shine my lumination on others.

I need to do what makes me happy so that I can be Sunny.

Thank goodness I am also a Princess/ Unicorn…it helps balance the Diva…acknowledging that if I am to have these rights…I must accept others wants and needs and give them both space and admission to be satisfied…and if that doesn’t flutter well with me…it doesn’t mean that we can’t co-exist…we just might need a little more space.

I have succumb to the belief that I have faults…and weakness…and so many more lessons to learn...and I pray…and truly hope that if there is a “Bitch” part to the me being a Diva…that I overcome that…that I check myself constantly and make sure it is not a objective/ material ideal but one of values and morals and a demand for a true way of life.

It is about finding what truly makes me happy and living it honestly, unabashed and raw…embracing me for being me.

And making sure I am smelling good and sparkly the whole damm time….


WALKING THE DOG (Two Person Dance Move)

Okay, first off…this dance move may be a little wrong…second, props really add to the effect.

One person is the Dog Walker the other is the Dog being walked…if the Dog Walker has a scarf to tie-around the Dog’s Neck so it looks like a leash…more awesome…the Dog needs to bend forward (there is no need to crawl on a floor…that is cross…you can still pull off the look hunched over pretty far)…now unless your dog is super well behaved…it is going to pull you around the dance floor…lick someone…pull some more…lift a leg up and pee on some peeps…lick someone else…pull….then right when you walk your dog to the front of the stage….The Dog sucks in their belly and arches their back and takes a big ole dump on the floor…than swipes its feet on the floor feverishly…if the Walker has a Plastic Bag…it really helps pull off the dance move…just saying.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Blog 113: “Shift Happens”

Blog 113: “Shift Happens”

“Shift Happens”…is a saying my daddy has been preaching to me since I told him I was leaving my husband over five year ago.

“Shift Happens”...are my most revered couple of words to say…for many different reasons.

“Shift Happens”…is something I have to tell myself almost everyday in order to help me breathe through the rollercoaster I call life.

Cause let’s be honest…shift-motherfucking-happens…all the god damm time.

And we have to roll with it, and be okay with it…and figure out what move to take next in momentary seconds…

Sometimes “Shift Happens” in my life…and I don’t even realize it for a while…transitions circumnavigate in spirals around me…sometimes vanishing lucidity and clarity from my cognizance….leaving me in a state of ephemeral panic…and I freak out…and then I think of those words my daddy told me years ago…and I take a deep breathe…and another…and slowly I calm…relax…and keep transitioning.

Sometimes “Shift Happens” in my life…and it happens so fast it slaps me in the face and before the sting even dulls, I feel another and another (shit usually happens in threes) and by then I have been spun around in so many different directions I am dizzy and kinda nauseated….and I am lost…I have no idea of which way to stumble…it is in cases like this, I find there is only one way walk…Forward…cause “shift happens” and you got to keep on keeping on.

Sometimes “Shift Happens” in my life…and I need it to…yet at the moment of the shift…I am unaware of the necessity of its happening…and I freak the fuck out…(does this have something to do with the fact that I am a woman and crazy…highly possible)…and my emotions hit me in ungallant waves…and then it all starts to sink in…and I stop spazzing for a second…tilt my head. And go, “Oh wait… I totally need this…I am such a ding dong!”…ask anyone…I talk to myself all the time!

The older I get…the more I try to weather the storm more gracefully…but the whole being human and not perfect thing…and the hormones thing…kinda fuck my shift up sometimes.

I often have to stable myself with thoughts of my destiny…and its unknown finish line…acknowledging the advancement of its course….and having faith in my capabilities of a princess determined to one day be a Queen.

When “Shift Happens” sometimes, I forget how strong I fucking am. How much I can take…how the darkness and the pain only makes me brighter and more mighty…it is in these moments of “shift” I truly find my inner light…and I feel it radiate and beam from me…and warm my fears away…

When “Shift Happens” sometimes…I hear my daddy’s voice inside my head…his loving warmth, his endless strength, his healing energy…and I look shift dead in the eye and say “Let’s roll bitches!” and start dancing to my new beat…(another great example of me talking to myself…sheeesh…)

When “Shift Happens” sometimes…I begin the new journey and realize it is not the path I wish to take…so I shift…and walk another…knowing that “Forward” involves many directions.

Sometimes I get thrown a Shift cause of someone else’s bullshit…and I’m like “whatttttttt….are you serious”…toss Shift over my shoulder and go “Fuck that….”

That is something I have learned on my own…you can’t let anyone else but you…mess your shift up….you screw your shift up…you grow…you gain from your mistakes….but other peeps shift…they just knock you off your course….I have to remind myself about that shift all the time.

Your shift is your shift…and mine is mine.

Isn’t that what life is? Growing, Becoming, Learning, Embarking…..

And all that other shift…


THE SUNNYARENA (My version of the Macarena)

Yes this would totally be better if I had a camera…but “shit in one hand and want in the other…see which one fills up faster”…anyhoo…

Start with the knee swizzle…hitting your knees together…now add your hands when leaning over…crossing your hands over your knees when they hit making it look like you are switching your knees completely…now start to stand up and make a “thumbs up” notion with both hands…one at a time have them move outwards about four-five times each…now make just fists and have them go up and down…now while still doing that with your arms start doing the “running man” with your legs…now the final move is a dance move I believe is called the “African Ant Eater” from the 80’s movie Can’t Buy Me Love…put your arms up and squared out to your sides…square your knees out and start air humping with your lower core and hips….

Then repeat….