Thursday, October 16, 2014

Blog 118: An Open Letter to Mayor Ed “Suck It" Lee

Blog 118: An Open Letter to Mayor Ed “Suck It" Lee

(***Please note: The following Letter is more angry than I like to be. While I prefer to solve all my problems with solutions, sparkles and good thoughts…sometimes I got to be straight up honest…sometimes I just got to get it out…San Francisco is my best friend, it is my home, it is my life, it has my heart…no other place can you so purely be you or individuality so embraced…and to see my friend, wither and become sullen…angers me…this is simply me voicing my distain…and moving forward after.)

Dear Mr. Lee

I like to save these writings for my thoughts, giggles and inner inspirations….but lately Mr. Ed Lee…all I can think about is how much you suck.

I mean you are like the freaking “George Bush Jr” of mayors….you suck more than a crack-whore on the days the checks go out…seriously…step down, move to Tiburon and get the funk out of my city.

What the hell are you doing to San Francisco!

You have moved technology in and it is killing my city…man…didn’t your mama ever read you Nietzsche.

Everyone is tuning in and no one is tuning out. You walk down Market Street now and everyone has their noses buried in their cell phones, no one has color on and no one is smiling…originality is fleeting and $15 cocktails are a norm.

They are charging $3,000 a month for a studio in the Tenderloin!!!! I see crack being smoked over 20 times a day and people are suppose to pay $3,000 to see that and live in a closet size apartment. Eat horse shit Mr Lee.

Even my rent control apartment has gone up $50 bucks a month and will continue to do every year because they decided to keep the elevator up to code…they even took my security deposit away to put towards fixing up the building because of this new law Mayor Fuck Head put in…and now I have 4 feet of wood in my hallway…thanks…it was worth it!

Ed Lee…fuck you! (have I said that yet….)

Fuck your pretentious egotistical dumb ass…

You really know how fuck a city up…can you please resign and can we put Gavin Newsom back in office…please, please, please….Gavin we need you back…you are the Clinton of mayors and we miss you. Gavin put in social programs to ensure every child can go to college, that everyone have health care and inspired art in the city. (don’t forget the whole gay marriage action as well!)

You Mr. Lee are all about the rich, you better be careful though, push all the lower income peeps out…ain’t no one going to be able to shine you shoes…

It is like you have gone crazy…has no one ever taught you about balance, about patience, about flavor…if I see you…careful, I will “sparkle bitch slap” a mother fucker.

My city is loosing its parks, its music venues, the little hole in the wall places that make it unique. We are loosing our artists, our musicians and our tiny mom and pop shops…if you didn’t put in the sparkle-red bus/taxi lanes or rainbow crosswalks in the Castro…I would…I would…well let’s just say thank goodness for the sparkles and rainbows. (can we put the rainbow crosswalks in front of the tie-dye shop too…just saying…and you can’t ticket me for driving in the bus/taxi lane…it is my own personal princess-red-sparkle-carpet!)

But if you are going to add cool stuff like that to the city, make sure you got people working here that can stop and appreciate it.

Ed Lee, you are setting this city up for failure.

The rents are only going to go up, only the rich will remain…and those blessed in rent control apartments. I feel like the city is a ballon that the mayor is blowing up and he doesn’t know when to stop…and I am frightened by the “pop” that will come.

It’s like you want to do everything at the same time and not finish out a project and see how it will actually affect the city…like seriously, do all of the roads need to be under construction at once…have you heard of planning…of one thing at a time…this is California, smoke some freaking weed and chill out for a couple months…stop letting all these rich people in…we have enough here already…let some of the middle class people that have been here forever have a chance to move ahead instead of moving out…

You have made all these changes without thinking about the true outcome, or you just don’t give a fuck. Just cause you are going through a mid-life crisis doesn’t mean the city has to…The city can get up on it’s own…it doesn’t need your “viagra” antics…the city is a natural.

Figures your bitch-punk ass is not even from the city…pussy!

But it is cool Mr. Lee…cause see, the thing is…you underestimate my city and its people.

You forgot that while your reign is soon over, San Francisco ain’t going no where. This city has a tenacity, a force, a beat and a people that won’t let this city go.

My city has nine lives…we have survived earthquakes, riots and pain…and each time we come back stronger…with a fierce tenacity that is unstoppable.

And I also need to have faith in the new arrivals…that they will become San Francsicians and realize what an awesome city they got here…that it needs to be saved and not sold away.

More importantly…I ain’t going no where…Mr. Ed Lee, you are going to have to deal with me…and my glitter…and I will fight for my kingdom and its people that breathe a vitality into the city that need to be here.

We will fight…we will prevail…you will go grow old in the north bay.

The City must win…there is no other option…San Francisco is a true wonder of the world.

The world needs more places like San Francisco, not more Mayors like Ed Lee.



HAILING THE CAB (this totally helps if you are looking for a friend in a crowd, just telling them you are the one with your hand going up and down in the air.)

Get your Stance on….feet shoulder width apart, maybe bend the knee a little bit…a little hip never hurt no one…cabbie in sight…hand up…wave it…wave it…put it down…cabbies if you have a ride…turn the light off.

Ohhhhhhh, hand up…town car in sight…and nooooo, check your phone and see how far the nearest Lyft Driver is…nope…it is prime time…search both streets…..hand up…a little more knee….oh, oh, oh…fish on...there is your friend.