Friday, October 26, 2012

Blog 96: Bathroom Rules, 101

Blog 96: Bathroom Rules, 101

Cause a Princess has been getting grossed the fuck out!

All right peeps, I know the Giants are in the World Series and the city as a whole has been drinking more. Where has all the booze gone? But seriously, let us not forget about the basics…and restroom civility is crucial…and smells so much better!

Your own Toilet:

Now if you live by yourself and have no roommates like yours truly, you have the right to behave however the fuck you want to in the bathroom. You don’t want to flush…fuck it…you want to pee on the floor…screw…you pay the bills, you clean up that shit (I hope to God that you do) you do with it as you please. That being said you might have to do what I do and leave a guest outside as you “lap” the inside before they enter…who knows what has been brewing…

If you have roommates or are living with someone that you hump, the rules change (especially in the humping scenario.)

Flushing becomes a must! Some things are just better kept private. Also a must is replenishing the toilet paper if you use it all up…that is what we call simply being proper! And yes, in this case…THE SEAT SHOULD GO DOWN! As well as, you should clean up any stray sprays you might have left.

You give the toilet some skid marks…you should probably drop some bleach on that bad boy…cause no one wants to witness that action!...ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

(Please note: if you are going to have guests over, especially the ladies…make sure you are prepared with toilet paper…don’t have women over if you do not have TP…it makes things totally uncomfortable and does not make you look good at ALL.)

Public Restrooms:

Yikes! Public bathrooms can be scary…and can SMELL BAD…I feel it is our duty as humans to keep the war zones as clean as possible, simply for the sake of others if nothing else.

Bathrooms that are single sexed:

Boys good luck…I don’t know what the hell happens in their but…feel free to leave the seat up, urinals are your friends…and washing your hands after touching your dick and heading out into the public is always a PLUS!

Ladies…don’t be scared…it is just a toilet seat. If you feel grossed out, wipe it down and up your levels of toilet seat covers (I have gone up to 6) or feel free to make your own with layers of toilet paper.

But if you are going to pull the “hover craft” move and squat…LIFT THE SEAT UP…cause you know you piss like a fucking geyser and sprinkler the entire seat and ruin it for everyone else….if you don’t want a guy to do it, look in the fucking mirror and YOU don’t do it…put a little class in your crouch!

If there is only one restroom for Everyone:

Pray & Encourage the lifting of the seat…it just keeps the throne dryer.

Basic Bathroom Manners:

Turn the water off! It is really not that hard, and yet…there are ding dongs that still just leave that shit flowing…granted, it makes my ability to pee that much easier, but it is a waste…I do have a pee song…anyhoo…

Certain people need to flush twice…I don’t want certain images haunting my mind, just wait a second and flush again.

Paper towels…SHOCKINGLY…go in the trash can…not on the floor, in the corner, in the toilet…just in the trash can…I know this can seem like a crazy concept to phantom…but it is not hard, and just helps the general esthetics of bathroom.

Communicate with the staff if the restroom is missing supplies of necessity. How are people suppose to know they need more cowboy hats in the ladies room if no one tells any body…just saying…

Tell peeps if they get a “fax.” (A “fax” is when someone is walking around with a piece of toilet paper on one’s shoe.) Who wants to be walking around with paper stuck to their shoe? NO ONE! People should tell people about that shit…next thing you know Warren Haynes will be getting on stage with the Original Meters with a fax and even though he is thumping out “Just Kissed My Baby” you won’t be able to fully concentrate cause you are staring at the toilet paper stuck to his boot…totally hypothetically speaking…totally (That Independent show last year was sick!)

To sum it all up: The Golden Rule of life, “Treat others as you wish to be treated.” Is also the Golden Rule of the Restroom.

Now go eat some corn and check your shit out…



I would like to thank my friend for coming up with this dance move…it is totally awesomeness times 11.

Have someone say my name “Sunny Powers”…right after they say it, lift your right arm out straight with your hand spread and have your left arm protect your face…lift your right leg up in the beginning of a high kick and yell “BAMM!”…You are allowed to yell, “Say it again!” and repeat the dance move as many times a necessary.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Blog 95: Fallen Down, Just like a Shooting Star...

Blog 95: Fallen Down, Just like a Shooting Star...

“And you have fallen down, down from the heavens…Stuck out in the desert…Amazing grace - such a lonely place…For heroes like you and me…Fallen down, just like a shooting star…With no fallen angel standing by”
“Fallen Down” by Warren Haynes

This weekend I fainted…twice actually.

Anxiety educed the colors of blue violets and October sunsets to orbit my brain…quivers marathoned through my body…numbness overtook me…cold blackness shattered my heat…a puddle of embarrassment and fear I became on the floor.

The realization that I have not yet recovered from my head injury became a reality. The fact that it encored due to stress…made me step back and ponder the choices I have been making and the ones I need to make.

I have been working myself to death…

Deflated when I need to be buoyant in the sky.

For what?

I don’t travel, I don’t have a shit ton of money…I am exhausted constantly and have not given myself proper time to heal.

Why have I let money become such a tension in my life?

Why am I spending so much time on shit I don’t even want to do?

When am I going to take my own advice and slow down and enjoy the satisfaction that comes from stillness?

When am I going to allow myself an opportunity to recover?

How am I going to accomplish my dreams if I wait tables at a place that I don’t really want to work at…I am over filling freaking water bottles…I want more!

When will I collapse from simply overworking…oh wait…I already have.

When am I going to slow down?

Why in the name of all that is holy am I working so freaking much?

Fuck this noise…I have got to re-evaluate my priorities and get me right.

And so I am…

I am done with the restaurant business…a yearly resolution has been accomplished…but sacrifices will have to made.

I am going to be poor again (more than I already am)…but rich in time.

And the precious minutes of life that I gift to myself I believe are vastly more important than a green piece of paper that has lead to the death of a society.

I can also foresee a life of less stress…and stress has cause the greatest pain in my life…it was the onset of my psoriasis both times, it causes me to get all crazy emotional and distraught, it forces me to put pressure on things that I need not fret about…working less means more time to be me…to put energy into the things I deem important in order to better myself.

Sometimes you do have to take a step back before you are able to move forward.

It gives me solace that I have my friends and family on my side encouraging me to take this break.

Cause I could really fucking use one.

Maybe I have kept myself busy in order to ignore the image staring back in the looking glass.

Maybe the delicate tranquility of relaxation will bring a soft clarity.

Sometimes when you fall down, you need to rest, recharge, regroup and get a whole new perception.

And make a wish on a shooting star…


THE FAINTING DANCE…duhhhhhhhhhhhhh

This dance move is oh so simple…groove in your place for a couple seconds…shake your head and grab it for a second…wobble from side to side, reach out and grab a friend’s arm…and go down!

This move is great for a couple reasons…it makes those who faint more comfortable with what they endure…and it is great for awesome ground-scores that you don’t want others to find…twofer!

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Blog 94: What we Think we Know…

Blog 94: What we Think we Know…

Isn’t funny how we as people think we comprehend one another, when in reality the only people we really know is ourselves…and even then, we can surprise …spontaneity and freedom of choice is an amazing thing that no one can truly see coming.

Have you ever had a person say something about you that is so off base you wonder if they think there are bases in soccer?

I had this experience this weekend and it has me thinking…How much do we really understand each other and how much do we just think we know?

I was hanging out with very close friends, some I had just met and a few I just know from out and about.

One of the gentleman that I just know from going out to shows told a stranger that I was the type of woman that needed a ring right quick and a big yellow-diamond one at that.

Thank God I was inhaling my new hash vapor pen (gooooo vapor pins and being able to smoke where ever the fuck I want…whoop, whoop, whoop!) and not drinking my gin cause that shit would have squirted that ding dong dead in the eye.

I went to say something…maybe even, “You all know I am right here and not a deaf mother-fucker.” But I decided to say “fuck it” and let the cloddish man continue with his assessment of this princess…cause free TV is free TV, so I sucked my hash pen, giggled to myself and coughed a little…and let my thoughts tango in my head.

I have never even been to this dudes house, we have never had a one on one conversation…I think he has been to my apartment once but I didn’t invite him he came with friends…where he got this notion from, simply confused the shit out of me.

But people are going to come to their own conclusions and that has got to be cool.

Like I would ever give up my rent-controlled apartment in a place I call my kingdom for a man…bitch please!

And an expensive ring on my finger, that would make me nervous as fuck…the month I had my iphone stressed me the fuck out…not to mention I am a total emerald girl.

I was with my ex-husband for ten years, marriage scares the shit out of me…in fact, commitment at this point frightens the hell out of me…what if I make another mistake?

While I enjoy a partner’s embrace and often miss it…I have found myself as of late being with men who are my friends who I know can’t commit, cause they are going through the same growing pains as I am…and I love them and they love me, but that by no means assumes that we can be in a relationship for one reason or another.

I am just not ready for a relationship…I need to figure shit out in my own reality.

And who would know that about me, but me.

I said not a word to defend myself…cause I shouldn’t have to…those people who want to take the time to know me can, those that want to believe what others say, can put their faith in them…what ever makes you happy I am a firm believer.

The truth of the matter is you can’t really be familiar with someone else…unless they never shut up and say every word that they think, you just are not acutely aware of what makes someone who they are, and even if you do hear everything that rolls out of their mouth, it’s all about perception baby!

You can tell someone that you want to go home and play twister and they think you wanna fuck….when in all actuality, you really want to play twister (yoga has made me a fierce competitor at this game) or apples to apples, or connect four, even a tawdry game of war…you know I always carry a deck of cards in my purse for late night action-ness.

I am so brutally honest that if I wanted to hump someone I would say, “I am horny, let’s hump!”…Not ask them over for a late night game, but that is just me.

And I don’t even know myself that fucking well, how is someone else suppose to get me….and trying to figure someone else out…is a whole lotta work, and I am one busy bitch…I just let you be you and let the awesomeness unfold.

Not to mention the fact that we are all constantly evolving

The person that we are today learns lessons daily, morphing into who we become in the future…evolution is always in motion.

And what if we catch someone one a bad day…what if work was a bitch, what if they have been up for two days, what if they are starting to feel sick, what if they are going through some shit…just cause someone acted a certain way or mentioned something at this time by no means makes that what defines them…perception of people, in my opinion, is for people that have way to much time on their hands.

Trying to figure anyone out…is pointless to me…cause you ain’t really ever going to truly understand the thoughts that swirl in people’s mind.

You just got to have faith that people are good…that we all strive for enlightenment.

Whether someone is on the chosen path or not is not up for us decide.

It is a walk we all must take ourselves, and support each other along the journey.

I am going to try to figure my own damm self out before I cast my gaze upon anyone else’s thought…and I am pretty sure that I will keep myself busy for lifetimes to come.

Cheers to finding out who you really are, cause that is some hard ass shit!



Start with your basket in your hand (I put it in my left hand, but what ever floats your boat)…now with your free hand start to pick the cherries off one little bunch at a time. Ohhhh, that one is a chicken fucker, you got to pull it and twist a couple times…Yey! You got it off, something that took that much effort you got to sample…pop that action in your mouth…that is one juicy and tasty motherfucker! (Sometimes I have to put one arm up to celebrate a good cherry.) Since we are in the field we can just spit that pit right out…oh don’t hit the other cherry picker in the head with your pit that is kinda gross, but can happen…and continue with your arm up picking away until your basket is full…then cherry pie here you come!