Monday, May 30, 2011

Blog 27.....Limo Confessions....(Part II)

Blog 27…….LIMO CONFESSIONS…..(Part II)

Okay, I do take cabs, I even have a little flashlight/whistle thingy in my need a cab outside the Boom Boom Room at 4am, I can start wheeling them in bitches. I even have one cabbie that will send one of his “fleet” to pick me up at anytime...but...

Let us remember the simple fact...I am a Princess...and if I can get a limo/towncar for the same price of a awesomeness of an ass will be in the limo...thank you very much.

Limo Confessions Part One is Blog 15.

Limo Driver C...

My friends from Eugene were down visiting and it was their last day in town. We were going to the Stanton Moore show that night (um...Awesomeness in a show...totally...times 10) We had wondered the park all day, boom box playing, colors everywhere, and as we trudged back up to their hotel past Union Square one of them decided to stop for a burrito.

Me, being loaded and bored.. (I truly dislike waiting) Decided to do my “Directing the Traffic” Dance. As I directed drivers one way or the other on Powell Steet, and helped J-Walkers accomplish their goals, a stretched-limo pulled up to a stop. He was not following my traffic controlling rules...

Yet I could not get mad because he rolled down his window, and the dready handed me his business card and said, “I’ll take you anywhere for $20”

“Totally” was all I had time to say before the window was up and he was off.

You all have got to love my “white girl” dance moves and how they pay off.

And yes, we rolled to the Stanton Moore show in the stretch-limo...would you expect anything less from a princess.

***side note
...this driver also ending up being one of my two limo drivers set to pick my crew up from the Widespread Panic shows a month later. He is the one who came through. When you are dealing with drivers who you are paying cash to, and they are suppose to pick you up from a show...ALWAYS HAVE AT LEAST TWO OPTIONS...cause you know some chicken fucker, grow a bunch of pot and like to just throw money at people (you are not all like that, but you know what kind of peeps I’m talking about, but I don't mind riding in his limo,) is going to come out of the show and see a limo and offer the driver some serious cash to blow the person off they were suppose to pick up and take their crew around. Instead of being pissed about shit like that, I am just always prepared, and know that even if I get two drivers, the likely hood of them finding peeps to pick up after a Panic show is very high...and yes my first driver all of a sudden stopped answering my calls...thank god for two limo drivers.***

TownCar Driver B...
I love towncar driver “B” I would only love him even more if I could smoke pot in his towncar, and yes, I probably ask him about once a month, but to be honest, I am so glad I know him, I really don’t give a flying fuck.

This guy is what a towncar driver should be.

I first met him on my way to a Katdelic concert, it was raining, I was working the merchandise table at the show and I was running late...and of course no I flagged down anything I could from airport shuttles (they are cheap ways to get around town, trust me) to towncars. Well driver “B” stopped and I asked him how much...he said 10 bucks (this is how much a cab would cost there)...hell yes I hopped in that towncar.

I asked him if I could smoke pot in his car, he told me “no”...I just had to ask.

Well it turns out, there was some serious traffic, so homie and I just talked and I made him laugh and what now due to traffic would have been a $20 cab ride, was still a $10 towncar ride. I totally took his number.

And you know what, homie works 5 nights a week, still only charges me $10, if there is more people in the car he ups it to $15, but for just me, it is always that flat rate. He always picks me up if he can, and will even send a friend.

And he comes in handy for many reasons….

1. You can be 5 minutes late, he waits, he is your extra charge.

2. I am a BISS girl remember, so for me to see 3-4 shows a night is regular, I cannot do this if I have to try to flag a cab down on a busy weekend night when I am on time crunch. A perfect example of this is when my ladies and I went to Zigaboo, Galactic, Ivan Neville’s Dumpsterfunk, and to the Boom Boom Room for the after Galactic show with Stanton Moore. We all were BISS girls so we had free tickets to all the shows for some reason or another, I wasn’t really drinking that night, so all I had to pay for was getting my ass from show to show. We set out a plan and told towncar driver “B” what time to pick us up at each show. He charged us $10 bucks a trip and didn’t have us pay him till the end. We were able to walk out of each show, into the towncar, and jet off to the next, we caught almost each show in its entirety, our timing was perfect the whole night...none of it would have been possible if it weren’t for my most awesomeness of a driver, we tipped him $20, for a total of 60 bucks, between three ladies, that is a cheap evening out, filled with some serious music there peeps.

3. He lets me fit six in the car for a little extra. It’s a towncar, its roomy as fuck, you can put the big guy in the front, at least one fits on the floor behind the driver’s seat, and four in the back...we do it all the time, once we did it to Oakland after the Willie Nelson show at the Fillmore, we were trying to catch the David Grisman Show, we pulled up right as the show was ending, but all our friends were there so towncar driver “B” waits for us to have drinks with our friends and chat it up, then we all pile back in the towncar and head back across the bridge to the Boom Boom Room to continue the evening of music.

4. He lets me expand his musical mind. I think one of the reasons he loves me so much is because I tell him about all this music to check out and he digs it. If I have an extra ticket to a show, I offer it to him. When I went to go see John Scofield recently, I had to go to another show right after, and I realized that they had stopped checking tickets….he was going to take me to the next venue so I told him to come on in and check this shit out. Him and I stood at the back of Grace’s Cathedral on the Labyrinth in awe...he looked at me as we left and I knew he had been moved like I was...I think he appreciates me, as much as I appreciate him.

5. He has set the bar…..

Towncar Driver “C”
I first met this driver one day when I was rushing to work. I try to walk to work everyday, but I hate to be late. One day I tried to walk, but realized I was going to be late, so I was on hunt for a cab...of course, whenever I really need a cab...thank god...a towncar on the horizon. As he pulled up I asked how much to take me where I need to go opening the door....he told me $25, I laughed and closed the door.

He then rolled down his window and said, “This is a Limo, I usually charges 40 bucks, I am already giving you a discount.”

I responded with...”This is a towncar, I am a princess, and I my driver charges me $10 per ride on weekend nights, $25 at 3pm on a Tuesday is ludicrous.”

He looked me up and down and said...”Okay, you are my new VIP..anywhere you want to go...ten bucks, you can call anytime.”

I really don’t know how shit like this happens to me, but awesomeness times 11.

I then asked if I could smoke pot in his car...”No” was his answer...A girl has got to ask.

So now not only do I have a towncar driver when I need it at night, I got a daytime one too...
Whoop whoop bitches.

You know what time it is...

Let’s Dance



This dance can serve many purposes...but lets get the move down first.
Hold the broom in your hand and start to sweep, broad, firm & fast strokes are the best............
And go back and make sure you cover all your ground, sweep, sweep, sweep (this is a great time to look for any “ground score” opportunities, as well as get the annoying guy that won’t stop hitting on you out of your area...sweep his ass out!) Now it is time for the dustpan, you can do one of two moves here. Either place the dustpan on your foot and use that for your leverage to collect your pile or bend over and hold the dustpan to do it and choke up on the broom. I do the later of the two moves, because, welllll.....a chance to show off my awesome ass, is a chance to show off my awesome ass...totally.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Blog 26.....Walking the Walk

Blog 26…….Walking the Walk

As I walked off a two day hangover (It was an epic week of redoing floors, working and killer shows…………Pleasure Sessions, Make a Scene, Funky Meters, Dirty Dozen, Katdelic & The Trucks Tedeschi Band) I decided to buy a chocolate old fashion…..eating and walking is my best “hangover cure”…..As I finally felt the air start to run properly through my head the more I walked the more thoughts starting swirling in my mind, as they often do when I walk……….and I thought about Walking the Walk, and not just Talking the Talk.

That shit is hard to do.

And far be it from me to stand on a soap box and preach cause I am no better at it than anyone else. I thought about how it is something we should all work on and maybe make it a goal for this week, or for this life time. Just walk the walk, forget about talking the talk…….that just leads to disappointment…..totally.

I think that is why I am so disappointed in men and have lost so much faith in them this year. And it sucks, I wanna have faith, I wanna believe.

I think that is why I am so disappointed in myself, and have been so harsh on me in recent weeks, I need to nut up and do all that shit I keep on talking about……..see sometimes I to, can be a chicken fucker…times 10.

We all need to stop fucking talking and start fucking doing……save your breath, shut the fuck up, and just do what you think you should do.

Since I have moved to the Tenderloin I have had almost a dozen men say that they love me……One of them I believe (only cause he has shown it.) My futon was old and I could not feel my legs after I slept, 3 men offered to buy me a new bed, one of them after offering twice, offered to buy me half a bed……..what the fuck, just don’t tell me you all are going to buy me a fucking bed, I’m not going to love you over a bed or not, it is not going to make a relationship, and you know who I got a freaking bed from, my mom and dad…(thank you mom and dad you rock times 10000000, I now feel my legs in the morning when I wake up) 4 boys have said they would take me to New Orleans,….never been…still, 5 boys have told me they will take me all around the world……still in the tenderloin, 10 boys have said that they want a relationship with me and want to treat me right……..I have a non-committed relationship with one off them (your all batting average sucks) One offered to pay my rent and help nurture my writing and take care of me, than was confused when I thought we were in a relationship………..why would I think that…chicken fucker.
…I just had a boy promise me all this stuff again…….and in the back of my head, I just can’t believe, because how many times do we promise shit that we never follow through with.

And the fact of the matter is, all these boys I like for who they are and not what they can do for me, but what they hold inside. If they had just shut the fuck up and been them and be honest with me, I wouldn’t be so disappointed. Because I would not expect them to do all the shit they promised.

I think I would believe……….”I will do the best that I can.” Cause that sounds fucking honest.

But who the fuck am I to be all high and mighty, I am no better, and the only way for me to get out of this funk is to nut up and do what I keep on saying I am going to do. I need to stop wasting my breath and put my thoughts to work, because that is what is really going to make me happy.

I have been talking about doing my audio-blogs, need to get on that shit, I have a band organized to do my “tenderloin, crack head dance party” with my white girl dances, why have I not gotten that shit together, I need to write a letter of apology to an old friend, I need to loose the 5lbs I want to, I need to get my shit together, I need to catch up on work, work out everyday, wake up early………..and I need to do it now!

Because while I am great at talking the talk, I am no better than anyone else at walking the walk.

I guess what I am trying to say is we should all shut the fuck up and GO act. Talking shit up is just a waste of time, and we could be using those precious minutes of life to actually act and DO the things we really want to do, and experience the life we should, and BE the kind of people we need to be.

That was my grandmother’s motto in life. (talk about a Queen)


Go, Do something, and Become.

I want to become someone that Walks the Walk and does not just Talk the Talk.

What about you?

A friend recently told me a quote from someone, I forgot who, it was something like, “Psychedelics are a window into enlightenment, we should take what we learn during those moments and bring it back to our life and try to become what we have learned. That we should learn all those lessons that were revealed to us and try to walk the walk. Because once we stop just talking the talk, but truly Walking the Walk, we have been enlightened.”

It is time for me to shut the fuck up.

Dance Move of the Week

Got to thank my ex-husband for this one, but you got to give credit where credit is due.


Have you ever been at a show and smelt the stickiest of the ickiest….or that stick to every one of your fingers hash….your nose goes straight in the air and you look around feverly and you know you have got to have a hit, and you look and it is your friend, puffing down.

Well….point yourself in their direction, put your arms out wide and start to flap them up and down as you walk over letting out a “CRAWEEEEKKKKKK CRAWWKKKKLWLL” noise, swoop in (preferably to the left of the person taking a hit) and enter the circle… the time the dance move has been figured out you will be blowing out a hit saying
“It’s the Bird of Prey dance move.”

Friday, May 20, 2011

Blog 25......Music is my Church

Blog 25……Music is my Church…….

Ladies and Gentlemen, did you see the preacher last night? He walked upon the stage and paced as his music emulated from his guitar, a sneer on his face, almost unable to comprehend the notes that his hands created, releasing them from his body with a vulgar elegance. Dispersing high-pitched notes that flowed like a river. And more preachers were on the stage……but instead of one being right or wrong, they were all right, and whether they let one stand out or became a collective beat…….the message was clear……..

A sermon was to be had.

I felt a current inside my blood, as each note hit, waves of sound went through my body, moving it in ways I had no control of, each note caused a twist, a turn, a shake….I felt the music through every pore and as each note left my body, I let it role off my fingertips and felt the next brimming in my feet.

As it continued I found myself in heaven. I had closed my eyes as the horn played and I was on a riverboat, sailing along, listening to the river rock my soul……….see that is my idea of heaven…..and last night, I saw it.

I often tell a musician I have just seen play,

“Thank You for taking me to Church….”

And I mean it.

I am not a fan of pushing my beliefs on anyone, and simply live my life and expect everyone else to do the same……………

So I will only state how I feel.

Faith is a hard thing to accomplish, and it is something I have lost many times along the path…….but music is the one thing that has always given me faith, and it is the one thing that has never let me down.

As long as there is movement, there is sound.

As long as I am here breathing there will be a sound with it, and it will be part of the song that is my life.

And knowing that something is a constant, makes it a lot easier for me to have faith.

Music is my religion because we all have a beat, we can either bounce along by ourselves or meet more beats along the way and create an orchestra.

Everyone we meet is a beat, a note, and can hit one person one way, and another person a whole new way. But they are still moved.

There is a beat to every aspect of life, we just have to find it.

When I hear music, I close my eyes and let the beat take my body away. And in that moment when I feel my mind go blank and the waves of sound rush through me…….I feel enlightened. The notes marry in my head, taking me to the next level of consciousness, like electricity running through my body, clarifying everything. And through out moments in my day I urn for that moment again, the feeling of weightlessness………the clarity of just the beat.

And in my church, there are different sects and beliefs, and they don’t always mesh the same, but they still move your body in one way, shape or form. As well as, one preacher always respects the other. Instead of fighting for who is right, they let the other step forward and give his beat, and they build off of that. They bring all their beets together and create a song.

And you see it in their faces when they realize what they have just accomplished, the grin, the nod, the helllllzzzzzzz yeah look in their eyes.

And as a member of the congregation, I feel it too, a stupid smile comes over my face, the ohhhh yeahhh feeling encompasses me, and I let the music play my body. And I see it in others, the beat moving them, their arms raised, shouting, yelling, grooving………I see them being taken away.

And when it ends, I feel cleansed, as pure as the notes that just penetrated my being.

I leave with a clear mind and a subdued soul, the beat never stops, I just have to remember that its exists.

It is there, always encouraging me to make a song….and the beat of the song, is just something I have to listen for.


Find your beat.

Either go find live music or put on a song, close your eyes, start to feel it in the base of your feet, and let it all go………the beauty of the beat…… is freedom.

*I have always said….”you can be upset about shit, or you can choose to boogie…….
At least that is the name of my song.*


Monday, May 16, 2011

Blog 24.....(Part II) Dating Diaries.....ahhhhhhhhhhh

Blog 24……(Part II) Dating Diaries……ahhhhhhhh

So having taken one small step back into the dating world, I am running back to the safety of “dating restriction” and while I won’t talk about the most recent (that is rude) a bad date always reminds you of worse dates....when is there going to be a good one…..grumble, grumble……..alright, lets recall.

(dating diaries part one is blog 7)

Date 4….This was one of the first dates that I encountered when moving back to the city, I was set up by a friend. She was like, “I have this man, you have to meet him, he loves music and is a professor at Berkley.”….so totally I was in.

So the gentleman contacts me and wants to go to dinner and a show, this was off to a good start. I met him at a restaurant, that he had chosen for location……
I meet him at dinner, he seems nice, he stood as I sat, which I thought was quite nice. Then I started to ask him what he teaches about and what he does….

I think the second sentence out of his mouth was that he was a millionaire and was working on a book. I asked him what I cared about which was the book…
He responded with,

“I am writing a book about how computers have souls.”

This was the moment that huge firecrackers and whistles started to go off behind his head, oddly enough, I was the only one distracted.

Homie was not distracted, he spent the entire dinner talking about how computers have souls and their wave lengths and how they are going to take over…..I was starting to get scared, naturally I started to drink.

No dessert….I had to vacate the talking portion of this date asap. (and he had not let me talk the entire dinner, it was all about the computer soul thing……..oh and I know nothing about computers...I was so lost)

The check came, I being polite, asked the millionaire who had invited me out, if I could contribute. That chicken fucker said yes. (don’t ask a fucking girl out to dinner and than tell her to pay….I might have to pull out a “goat fucker” for this one.) So he had put out his card….I told him I would take care of the tip and put 20 dollars down….I was not going to let him get out of paying for dinner, which was $80.

He asked if I needed change for the tip, I told him I did not, that was my tip.

Chicken Fucker than tells me that is to much to tip and I should put at least $5.00 back.

What I told him and What I didn’t tell him……….

I said, “Look around this restaurant, it is Tuesday, this lady has 4 tables, my twenty bucks will help this lady out, and she might take it and go spend it somewhere else, which helps someone else out. I used to own a restaurant, I live on tips, I am going to tip this lady $20……..let’s go.”

I didn’t say but thought….
Is this chicken fucker for real….give me shit for how much I tip, well than pay for the whole fucking thing, you are the one who is a millionaire and while computers have souls, you my friend, are fucking empty……

***sunny dating note***
I judge a man by how he tips. If you don’t tip good, we don’t date. I have not gone on second dates with many a man because of their cheapness when it comes to tipping. We should give to everyone as much as possible, tipping is one of those things, it oils the wheels of life, and a man who is to selfish to tip is to selfish for a woman like me.

So the date ended with him asking if I wanted to smoke some pot, hell yes…..then he pulled out a joint that looked like it was from Iowa (I could barely see it) We are in California peeps, this guy has money, why the fuck am I smoking more paper than herb from this toothpick he called a joint. He tried to kiss me, I fled, I ran into the show, it was pop music, I told him I thought the joint got me too high, (tee hee hee) and was off like a woman with no soul…..

Date 5….This date started as a friend, and he opened doors and paid for stuff and tipped great, so when he asked me out, I naturally said yes.

Once again ladies and gentleman, a herb grower from Oakland that drives a massive truck they can not park in the city……we know my rant, so I will let it go, but come on, do you really need a truck that beeps when you back it up. So we decided to do the wander and look for food (my favorite) except dude didn’t get it, the first place we saw, he was like, “lets just do this” which totally killed the excitement of the wander, but I was game.

He then proceed to tell me how much he could not stand the city and was trying to find land. The city was too much, too dark for him.

You are talking about my freaking home bitch, this is where I was born and raised, where I choose to live. My city is full of light and color and awesomeness, what the hell was he seeing....I began to drink…I told him he should notice all the different kinds of tiles the restaurant had kicking, he asked what the point of that was…..more drinking on my part.

I couple minutes later we somehow got to lessons I had learned from my father (I do not remember how we got to that point in the conversation, did I mention I was drinking) Anyhoo…I gave him the old, “Daddy said it is better to be kind than to be right.”

He shook his head and said……“No, No, I am always right.”

I looked him dead in the eye and responded, “TOTALLY”

My brain at that very moment was making a mental note that stated to never go on a date with this man again.
He is always right…and my ass is small.

Thank god he knew how to tip.

Date 6…..This was a date with a man that was in a big band, that toured all over and blah, blah, blah, blah……Anyhoo, I met him at a show and he said that he had to see me again, that my dancing moved him.

So he called the next day and said he had to take me out to lunch, who am I to turn down a free meal. He let me pick, which was nice, and he buttered my bread, which really turned me on to be truthful.
So why is this date in my diaries….because I spent the entire lunch, not talking, but watching homie’s videos of himself on his Iphone. I do not need to see you on stage for an hour and half on a freaking phone screen…tell me who your are, what you love, ask about me and what I love. Because what I don’t love is hanging out with someone so self absorbed that they think I am going to fuck them because they play music on a fucking stage in front of a butt load of people.

A date is about getting to know each other, not showing off, it is about enjoying each other, not staring at a tiny phone screen…..and how many times has homie watched these videos of himself….you know I do pretty cool shit too, I’m interesting as fuck, I was on the date too….I wonder if he noticed….

And some people wonder why I’m on dating restriction…..hahahahahahaha

I guess its back to my comfy bubble, but honestly, it does get quite lonely sometimes, such is the life of a princess.

At least I will always have me, and remember is awesomeness.

Dance Move of the Week

Now this is bringing it back…..and the move is owe so simply…remember though, balance is key, so if you are off quilter you might want to hold off.

Bend your Knee, grab your ankle and start to hop, old school style, and repeat out loud..…”my ankle, my ankle, my ankle….”

Instant hit.

Monday, May 9, 2011


Blog 23…….What is psychedelic……

You know with my loaded ass, I ask myself this question quite often.

Like the other night, I was at a show and some ding dong comes up and starts doing the grabbing dance. (just cause you play drums on a freakin stage does not mean you can fucking grab me bro.) Now what is psychedelic about that is……………if he had only read my fucking blog (the one I wrote the day before I met him)….he would have known and approached better…..see another reason why more people should be reading my fucking blog….…jeezzzzz.

I first learned the answer to the question…

What is Psychedelic……on a very fateful day.

When I lived in Eugene, a great man passed. I had the privilege to go to Ken Kesey’s funeral. It was epicness in a moment. The whole day transformed my life in many ways (some I will touch on in blogs to come.)

I went with my uncle, I remember sitting next to him when Ken Babbs was speaking….he was recapping how he and Ken Kesey had explained what psychedelic is to one of their moms on a trip in the Willamette National Forest… went something like this……….
”Psychedelic is everywhere, it is life, it is in how many shades of green are in this forest, in the fact that the sun rises and sets” ……he then said they saw a snake in the road, and a hawk swooped down to eat it and the car hit the hawk and they turned to her and said… “Now that is psychedelic”

As I left the funeral and watched the Merry Pranksters load his casket into their bus, my uncle and I stood side by side, when the bus went under the Oak St Bridge less than half a block away, a rainbow arched across the sky. I turned to my uncle and said, “Now that is psychedelic.”

I was pretty consumed with stupid stuff at that point in my life….and put in the back of my head what had happened and what I had learned….I was saving it for a better day.

Right before I left Eugene, I went on a late night butt walk. As I closed the door to my car a deer jetted across the street, followed by a possum making odd noises, probably cause a raccoon was humping it…..behind the trio a cat ran, its belly “skirt” swinging from side to side. I leaned against my car door and the thought popped into my head, “Now that is Psychedelic.”

As I began to re-evaluate my life and what I was doing with it more of these realizations formed in my head……

See peeps, everything is psychedelic….LIFE IS PSYCHEDELIC…..we can find it in every thought and every action to reaction.

The fact that I normally rush to run across the street and the day I saw a lady get hit and killed by a bus 5 feet in front of me…is the day I decided not to run across the street….I was tired from debauchery the night before…..that one made me think.

The fact that I go to a place I consider home, The Boom Boom Room to see one of my favorite bands…(Juno what they could be) and my ex-husband’s best friend is playing bass in the opening band, and the sudden rush that I am still not over the collapse of my marriage, and I am still hurt, how one person can make you remember so much pain….how small the world is….that is psychedelic.

The fact that an earthquake and a wave can change a people’s way of life…….is psychedelic.

The fact that someone can meet someone for a split second and have them alter their path in an instant or that we can have a friend that we have known since we were 3 years of age and we have a comfort with them we have with no one else……….

The fact that in one hemisphere the toilet water goes one way, and in the other it goes the other way…..I still don’t get that fucking one.

That people who read my blog feel that they can tell me I wrote stuff that was to dirty and think i give a flying fuck.....that is psychedelic.

The idea that someone as love filled as myself, full of hope and optimism……is a true pessimist when it comes to matters of my heart…….is psychedelic.

The fact that people die, our friends, our family, our dearest members of our heart……and we still find the strength to move on…….

That life is full off such tragedy and pain but full of such light and awesomeness...

The fact that sound is the direct reaction to movement.

The visual amazement I get every time I go to a show and see people dancing to music. That music moves them to move themselves is psychedelic in every way and I love it.

That a thought, a song, a person, a place….has the ability to move us to tears.

The fact that I spent years of my life unhappy and unconfident in myself is psychedelic.

I guess what I am trying to say I have learned…..

When we can really tune into that, we might start letting go of our worries and fears. Things happen because they happen, we see and meet people for a reason, that the lessons we learn in life help us see things in a better light, that there are many different shades of light.

What ever happens when we pass this life……I’m pretty damm sure is psychedelic as a mother fucker to.

We shouldn’t waste time trying to figure out all the details of why and how….we should just enjoy…and realize some things we can’t explain…….

But we sure can enjoy the colors.


Making the Coffee
(even thought I can’t drink coffee anymore, I still remember how the dance goes)

So you get yourself out of bed, maybe a stretch is called for. Alright, shuffle to the kitchen, grab the coffee, I always smell (you should know this by now) ahhhhh, even the smell wakes you up. Now dump the old filter, put the new one in, make sure it is not going to fold over and get grounds in your coffee…alright, scoop the coffee in…now fill up the water….turn it on…..are you going to wait…..not me, I hop back into bed and usually pull the covers all the way up over my head and give myself a little snugglet….cause five more minutes of sleep is five more minutes of sleep…..crap I slept in…..chicken fucker.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Blog 22.....(PART II) 22+ more fucking things about this princess

Blog 22.....(PART II) 22+ more fucking things about this princess

I told you all there was more, you just didn’t think I’d be so quick with it.
Here it goes…….

22. I am pee shy like a motherfucker….stop giggling, I am fucking serious. I pretty much always have to turn the sink faucet on so I can pee, even when I’m by myself. If I am loaded on psychedelics than times that times 10. My ex-husband became pee shy after an experience at the Oregon Country Fair...he came up with a song that helps when I’m in a porto-potty at festivals, with no sink near. So if you all are at a festival and you walk by the Honey Buckets and hear…..”Shout, shout, let it all, these are the things you can do without...Come on...” Its probably me.

23. I was a member of the “Banana Slug Kissing” club in summer camp…
we to had a song…….”BANANA, BANANANANANAN, BANANA, BANANANANAANANANANAN……slug” They are slimy, like free moisturizer for your lips.

24. Speaking of which, I am addicted to Vaseline. Have you all ever watched that movie “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” well, remember the dad’s addiction to Windex… obsession with Vaseline is similar. I believe it is the cure all-end all. From burns, to chapped lips, calluses, to cleaning the inside of a bowl, slipping a tight ring off, polishing wood (I mean real wood here peeps, its like a “pledge” consistency, get your mind out of the gutter……mine goes there to.) Anyhoo…just try it next time for what the fuck ever….it works, but please get your mind out of the gutter…sheeesh.

25. I have over 600+ cassette tapes that I still listen to. You have been to a DEAD show, come find it in my collection and remember the good ole days.

26. I have no idea how to download music, my computer is old as hell, I pretty much know how to check my email, which I suck at, facebook, and I figured out my blog stuff….kind of.

27. My psoriasis has made my stomach a little polka dot scarred. I love it now….it has personality, and it has encouraged me to get my six pack back…cause a six pack with personality………HELLO NURSE……I also have a small bit left on one ass cheek, I have told a boy, “that’s the spank mark the last boy left.”

28. I cannot whistle.

29. I make a mean ass fried chicken……… Macadamia Nut-Buttered Corn Flake crusted Chicken with and Orange-Rhubarb-Honey-BBQ Glaze, whipped yams, collared greens with pancetta & black-eyed peas, little hits of lemon, accompanied by cornbread with citrus-honey-butter & yellow corn sautéed with heirloom tomatoes and red onions, and of course, Sweet Tea. Put your jaw back up bitches, I told you all I was the shit a long time ago.

30. When I was married, I could not cook for nothing….one day my ex-husband even threw away the dinner I cooked. I never cooked again, Until I left him. Then I just started, and I learned to trust my palate……..people fall in love with me cause of my cooking, my ass can cook…… just needed confidence.

31. I didn’t have confidence in myself as a woman till about a year ago. When I moved to the Tenderloin. Maybe that is one of the reasons I feel so blessed to live here. Growing up I always felt fat, weird and ugly. When I met my husband, I thought the fact that he liked me was good enough. I never really felt attractive till I moved to the city and out on my own. Now I might be overly confident…but I don’t give a flying fuck, I feel like I have earned it.

32. I recently went and saw John Scofield play at Grace’s Cathedral………it was a solo show, he was nervous…..I went all by myself, I sat down and started to cry and shivers ran down my spine. I was simply moved beyond belief.

33. I love going to shows by myself. I do it all the time. I know enough people that I can just walk every bit and run into someone and chill, smoke and dance, and then move on, not have to deal with anyone’s shit but my own, which is enough. And I really like just dancing by myself, I have no worries about that. I load my pipe up and just groove.

34. I am a solo dancer. Have you read my freakin moves, ain’t no way some man can come up and get all dirty with me….I am trying to bake some fucking cookies here peeps.

35. In fact, that is one of my biggest turn offs, when a man sees me grooving and comes and starts touching me and gets all in my space...offer me a freakin joint, do not start grabbing me, I don’t fucking know you...introduce yourself, pay me a compliment, do not grab, that is fucking rude.

36. Sometimes I think...”I am too much woman for any man.”....a man confirmed that once...he said the exact same thing than said he would be honored to be one of my husbands…tee hee hee. But the reality of the situation is I think I am destined to be alone, and I am starting to come to terms with that and deal.

37. Sometimes I turn on streets that I know are rougher than others, or take the short way home even though I know I might see trouble...Trouble doesn’t scare me..It just makes me feel tougher. And I encourage myself to be as bad ass as I can.

38. I give awesome head. Crap did I just write that, and yet I’m not surprised.

39. I always walk on the sunny side of the street...It just feels better.

40. I have done nothing with my BA in History from the University of Oregon, nothing.

41. On average...give or take, I go to about 6 music shows a week.

42. I believe that there should be music on during love making (if possible) I like it when I can make love to the music and the man.

43. About a year and a half ago, I hooked up with this older musician, who some people might sneer at. He is burly, he wears overalls, is wrong, but let me tell you, he changed me. I knew a relationship was never wanted on either of our parts, just a good time. He told me I was his “Ophelia.” We hung out for five days, I broke four headboards, I really learned to let go…now, unless it just sucks, I come at least 3-5 times every time I have sex. I have no idea why or how…but awesomeness times a 100, totally….ahhhhhh fuck…another 100 and some snaps.

44. I am or have been a barista, bartender, caretaker, cashier, caterer, designer, dressmaker, housewife, manager, personal assistant, personal trainer, Pot Grower, Promoter, Publicist, real estate assistant, restaurateur, secretary, server & a space traveler...oh don’t forget about me being a ball of positivity...totally

45. I am scared shitless of not reaching my potential.

46. Good music turns me on, a lot. I bring spare panties to most ‘good’ shows….Warren Haynes shows, I bring like 3 pairs, with his new line up….we are looking at a 6 panty show.

47. I am one tuff ass woman and one very weak ass woman…..a very funny woman and a very serious woman……a very positive woman and a very realistic woman….I am by choice a very independent woman and I long to be taken care of….I love to rest but hate to stay still.….I am a true Gemini.

48. Good music gives me goose bumps……all over.

49. Sometimes I think, “I am the luckiest girl in the World.” For the sheer fact that I know the true power and light within me, but I am utterly terrified to release it.

50. Now you really think I would give you all 50….shut the front door…I got to leave something to the imagination….besides, you all know there is so much more……………..


I know its not Thanksgiving, but turkey is turkey, and that shit tastes good….so let review the dance.
First you got to pick up a bit of stuffing with your fingers from the bowl….taste….hmmm, a bit more salt…okay now, cut the little thingys that are holding the legs together and spread the legs….(damm it, for the last time, get your minds out of the gutter…tee hee hee.) Now go in there and grab the innards….all right this is getting pretty gutter worthy….anyhoo… make sure you got all the innards out and it is nice and clean….you can feed your innards to the dog or put them in a bowl for another day. Now start stuffing that turkey, putting handfuls of stuffing in the turkey and patting it down and making sure it is nice and tight. When it is all stuffed and tight, give it one more pat and bring the legs down….it is ready to cook….it might need to be brined with butter…..but we can’t go there…..that would just be dirty dancing.

Now in the oven it goes....

Gosh, I may need a spare pair of panties for this dance.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Blog 21.... 21 Things you may or may not Know about this Princess

Blog 21……..
21 things you may know or not know about this princess…..

1. I am a double Gemini born on Friday the 13th, it was a full moon, I am red headed and left-handed…..I am fucked peeps.

2. I shower 2-3+ times a day….I know, fucking nuts right, but how many times have I let you all know how I feel about SMELLING GOOD….its important, and I walk all over, I don’t want to be sticky if its hot, I used to have psoriasis, I don’t like my skin to feel weird, it freaks me the fuck out……they aren’t long showers, sometimes I say ‘I’m going to go dance’ and I spin a couple times in the water…..yes, I know, I’m fucking weird….but I also know, when someone says “You smell good,” I can say with confidence, “all over” ☺

3. Besides Butt walking and times of extreme cold (I mean 30 degrees or below) I wear flip flops…I even wore them in the snow when I went to Asheville. When I owned the restaurant, all I wore was high heels, I still have like 50 pairs (some from Paris I adorn my studio with) but after I sold the restaurant…it was strictly flip flops…..

4. I have 28 baseball hats, I love them. I usually have one in my purse for shows, so when the music gets really fucking dirty, I put the hat on. (I only really wear like two of them, I just have this addiction.)

5. You really want to get me off, finger me

6. I bought my first vibrator this year, I never needed or desired one before…I bought it at 3am in the morning, drunk as shit…the cashier still runs out to say ‘hi’ every time I walk by the store.

7. I only have one pair of jeans, I am a long dress girl, its just what I like. (and my legs are kinda purplish)

8. I speak Norwegian......what I can remember, It’s not by choice, I wanted to graduate college by a certain time and was in a community education program and had to register last….all the languages were full, except for Norwegian….anybody know how to say “chicken fuckers” in Norwegian…..

9. I am allergic to seafood and it really pisses me off.

10. My first concert was NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK, stop fucking laughing that is not nice, but it is freakin hilarious, isn’t it.

11. Besides one friend in my first high school, I never really felt like I had friends till my second high school when I was like 16. Everyone thought I was totally weird……duhhhhh.

12. My favorite author is Tim Dorsey…I love him times 10……reading his books make me laugh out loud…he writes about how fucked up Florida is, how can you not laugh.

13. I can recite “Annabelle Lee” by Edgar Allen Poe word for word.

14. I was pregnant once when I was married. I had a miscarriage, the doctor said with all the stress from owning the restaurant, I would never be able to carry a child to full term… long as I worked the way that I did, and carried all the stress I carried…it would never happen. I don’t think I could ever want or try to get pregnant again….I have pretty much put that out of my mind……I am to scared and fearful to go through that kind of pain and loss again.

15. My favorite thing to have first thing in the morning is fresh squeezed watermelon juice, I love it, it is better than any kind of coffee, yet somewhere in my head it always makes me think “this would make a great mojito.” Every time.

16. I don’t get paid money for all of my jobs, I am a firm believer in "bartering" and in helping my friends and family and I don’t mind giving my time to something that I love. Especially when it comes to music...I love to support the music and musicians that help me heal every time I go see them. I am also a firm believer that together, we can….and if we all supported and helped each other... make it to the Promise Land…….

17. My real name is Emily Rose Powers, I got Sunshine from selling clean socks at the “Hog Farm” in 99 in a bright yellow and orange dress……(I made bank selling freshies to all the wookies at the festival, still the best thing to sell) I left Humboldt because of an ex-boyfriend who kinda lost it when I left him….I told everyone I was moving to Vermont, except a few friends, and headed up to Eugene…and became Sunshine…..(I was young and did not know how small the world really is) Now, if you call me Emily, (if you are not my parents) I think you are a creditor and I will look at you with death dagger eyes….

18. I don't wear panties...(except during epic which case I bring at least two pairs)...I think this helps my "smelling good" action-ness

19. I cannot play any musical instruments…but my body is a musical instrument….at least that is what a musician told me once……..have you seen my ass dance.

20. I get a certain thrill out of harvesting a great buger out of my noise…..its like this feeling of relief.

21. Once when I blasted off, on an epic spaceship ride, the aliens told me I was “The Chosen One of Positivity.” And I believe them…….epicness in a spaceship ride…totally.

I am still a mystery, trust me…….and you can try to solve it, but you never will get it all, trust me...besides....what would be the fun in that.


I have never encountered this one, but I am told this is how it goes….

Reach out in front of you and start slowly pulling down the panties, get them off each foot, now smell…..REMEMBER, you have got to smell, cause if it smells bad….well that is bad, so you sniff and…ohhhhhhh nooooo they smell sooooooo bad. Plug your noise, hold the panties out in front, waving them back and forth trying to fan the smell out, no ding dong, that is just spreading the smell….ahhhhhhh.

See, maybe people should shower more.