Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Blog 86: The Time has Come (Walking the Walk, Part III)

Blog 86: The Time Has Come...(Walking the Walk, Part III)

(Walking the Walk, Parts I & II are Blogs 26 and 56.)

It was a long-double-kinda Monday…

I have picked up yet another job to try to get my finances in order…and it has been a little grueling, but self-satisfying at the same time.

Monday…is one of my double days…and the “hump day” of my week…and what was suppose to be a slow evening progressed into body slamming busy.

It was the kinda night I would take a cab home not the 45 minutes walk…

Yet as I locked up the restaurant, the wind hit me in a whimsical way, evoking the desire to stroll home…I lit my bowl and tuned into the Mission Station on San Francisco Free TV…never a dull moment...always colorful…and on this channel the smell of tacos way over powered the stench of urine…always a plus.

As I passed a storefront on 17th and Mission, the worker was locking the metal-cage-garage-door-action-ness-thingy…as timing fell I locked into his pace as he departed the store.

“Make sure you walk home safe,” he turned to me and said.

I lifted my hand in the air showing off my already drawn corkscrew and retorted, “I always get home safe.”

Thinking I was brandishing my weapon at him, he put his hand up and leaned towards the building saying, “I mean no harm.”

Knowing he had only meant his words in a kind way, I replied, “No…no…darlin…I simply mean that I live in the tenderloin…and I make sure I am on my toes at all times…I get home just fine…trust me…I know you only meant it to be nice…”

He smiled and asked, “You smoke weed?”

I guess it is that obvious.

“Totally” was my answer.

He then asked if I wanted to smoke…which normally I would say no to…cause I am a picky princess and non-organic pot hurts my sensitive throat (as well as metal bowls…yuck)…but I had a gut feeling that I should converse with this man, so I said, “Sure…why not.”

As we passed his joint back and forth he told me about his life…his jobs, where he was from, where he wanted to go…he stated many times, “There is nothing better than a good conversation.”

And we simply Talked as we Walked for a good ten blocks, bantering back and forth as old friends would do.

He pointed down Duboce St towards his car, I let him know what a pleasure it was to meet him…

“You have a regality about you Sunny.”

“That is because I am a Princess”…I responded.

He laughed, smiled and said, “No…you are a Queen.”

“That is to much responsibility for my ass!” I giggled…

As he lifted his head up to look me dead in the eye, a smirk came to his lips…

“Deal with it… this is your path…your destiny…the time has come for you to be a Queen…only surround yourself with people who love you, who support you, who take care of you…as you do to them…and your kingdom shall be strong, you will do illustrious things…you have the power to help change for the good…tell your mother ‘thank you for making you’ from me…and the pleasure, the pleasure was all mine.”

With that he took my hand…kissed it, turned…and walked away.

As the weight of what I had just been told bore down upon my shoulders, I let out a deep breath and muttered “Crappers!”

The light changed to green and as I crossed under the bridge a gust of wind circled around me, encompassing me from behind and cupping my body, encouraging me to amble forward while tingling the nip of my neck at the same time.

My time has come…

I have felt this on the horizon, but tried to ignore…I have pushed it off and procrastinated for quite some time…fear has baited me back…for the magnitude of this obligation is massive…and yet completely mine.

And to be quite honest, I have no idea what it means…but know I will soon find out.

The climax of this last chapter happened years ago…the last few years have simply been a resolution, tying up loose ends…a time for me to learn, explore and grow.

As the door slams shut on this book, the velocity of it closing causes another door to gently drift open…

And I enter…so I can at long last...

“Walk the Walk.”



Have you been in a car accident recently…did you bruise your ribs…has it affected your ability to “get down.”…do you like to hoola hoop even though your ribs aren’t up to par yet?...if so…this dance is for you ☺

Get into the crowd…hold your ribs…why did you hoop for and hour straight today…owwww…if you hold that one part of your ribs you can still give you chest some shimmy action…cause you got to shimmy…ohhh, look out for the “crazy dancer” stick one arm out to protect yourself…shimmy some more…keep a nice grip on your ribs…and always remember bowl breaks!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Blog 85: Getting Picked Up in the Dirty (Crackhead Pick Up Lines...Part II)

Blog 85: Getting Picked Up in the Dirty (Crackhead Pick Up Lines…Part II)

Crackhead Pick Up Lines Part I is Blog 37.

“I have never seen Peanut Butter look soooooooo smooth!”

Yup…this totally set the bar high for Part II, cause that is a mother fucking pick up line right there peeps…and that dress is now know as “The Peanut Butter Dress” and every time I wear it I go looking for people dressed like Jelly and have an odd hankering for a glass of milk…

“In case of a Tidal Wave, I wanna hold on to That!”

Ohhhhhhhhh, my yoga pants…they sure do get a reaction…that being said, we do live in a Tidal Wave Zone and I totally understand the crackheads wanting to have an escape route all planned out incase of emergences…one has got to be prepared.

“Do you want some Candy?”

Yo bro…I don’t know where the fuck you have been, but my mommy has been telling me since I can remember not to take candy from a stranger, let alone a vile red and white restaurant mint from a homie on the corner of Turk and Eddy who also offered me some oxy…and just so everyone knows…in my opinion those mints are not candy!...They are a breath freshener…just saying.

“Wanna Come In?”

Am I pulling the Princess Card saying no to hanging in a cardboard box on 8th & Market…realistically though…come on!...furthermore, you are going to have to get a full size refrigerator box for my ass to be able to fit in to, and even then…I am never…ever…ever…EVER…going to go on a date in a putrid smelling box on the street…(now if it was a crystal-sparkle box that was two feet off the ground and had unicorns that shit rainbows in it and provided me with dank pot to smoke, we could talk.)

[Sunny side note: Speaking of BOXES…
My friend and I were walking home from my work and we saw a mom letting her two kids play in a large box on the corner where the smell of urine knocked me over…I’m not a mom…and I don’t like to judge…but really…a box…on the side of the street…underneath the bridge…the thoughts “bug highway” and "there is not enough soap in the world" came to mind.]

“I want to reach both Hands in to find the Treasure!”

Owwwwwwwww to the mother fucking owwwwwwwwwwwww…and for the love of all that is holy do not be telling me that when you have some crusty-dirty-nasty hands and nails…I am a freaking clean and good smelling princess with hints of roses! OMG I need to go shower just thinking about this…
Mind still not clean…mind still not clean….ewwwwwwwwwwwww.

Ain’t nothing says a pick up line like a crackhead telling you that “You are one hot Bitch!” when he is holding his dick in his hand and pissing in between two cars…way to warm my motor hot stuff!

“I want to spread your cheeks and lick your asshole up and down…”

Well…I…WHOA…this one totally might have encouraged this blog! HOLY SHIT!...What was the craziest part about this one (fuck it…it was all crazy!)…was that the crackhead totally ninja-ed me…and I am pretty on my toes in the Loin…but out of no where this dude comes up behind me and whispers this into my ear as I am waiting for the light to change…I jumped like 5 feet and drew my corkscrew…cause let’s be honest…if you are willing to say that shit to a total stranger in the street, who knows where your mouth has been…gross times infinity to the power of gross…

The midget hooker told me last night that her and her pimp wanted to have a threesome with me…while I politely turned her down…it was a “small” ego boost…I mean the visuals in my mind were hilarious…and the phrase, “It’s spinning baby…it’s spinning” kept repeating itself over and over in my head.

“Woman…that Ass could stop a leak in a Dam!”

I am planning a trip to Yosemite with the family soon, so when I am by Hetch Hetchy Dam…if shit goes down…I will point to my ass and say, “Have no fear…problem solved…Bitches!” I knew that shit would come in handy for something sooner or later.

“I wanna make under that Dress my Home”

Would I be able to charge rent for that shit?...I’m just curious…that totally would not work for me…how am I suppose to walk around the town and boogie when I got a crackhead living between my legs…even the midget hooker would cramp my style…

“I could lick your pussy for 24 hours straight!”

Wellllllllllllllllllll, if unicorns really did shit rainbows…wow…totally…

I must say though…as of late…the crackhead pick up lines have been better than the ones I get when I am out…I actually had a guy ask me how the Olympics were at The Boom Boom Room the other night…and when I gave him my, “What the fuck just crapped out of your mouth” face, he replied with, “Cause honey, with those shoulders you have got to be a gold-medal swimmer.” I’m still fucking confused on that one…at least he didn’t ask to sniff my hair…

I wouldn’t blame him if he did though…I have learned to simply accept it…I am a cute-good smelling-sparkly princess…and getting crazy ass pick up lines, comes with the territory…

And cracks me the fuck up as well…totally!

Tenderloin…while you gross me out and can smell rank as hell, you truly do amuse and distract…and sometimes when I question why I am here, you just put the silliest smile on my face…cause really…I hear some crazy fucking shit!

And I love it! (Even though it grosses me the fuck out!)



Oh, to have a dishwasher…those were the days…
Start by opening the door to the dishwasher, now pull out the bottom rack…start to scrape off your plates…maybe give them a rinse off…ohhhh, there is that one…with the sauce…you got to scrub that a little bit…ohhhh, a little more…got all your plates in…let’s do some silverware…loads that shit in…I like to organize my knifes in one section, spoons in another and so forth…now it is glass time…damm…the mint from mojitos sure do stick to the glasses…give it a little finger nail action…you got it!...now put the racks back…open the soap container and pour some in…close that baby up and press start…that was a good chore…you have earned yourself a joint…totally!

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Blog 84: "Thank You & You're Awesome" (Jammin Chronicles Part II)

Blog 84: “Thank You & You’re Awesome” (Jammin Chronicles Part II)

I had this really crazy thing happen to me a couple weeks ago…

I had offered my help with this project…a new store that was opening…and I wanted to help, I believed in what was happening, it inspired me, stimulated me, encouraged me to be more creative and to be honest…I needed a distraction…something to stop me from thinking so god damm much…something to help me move on.

And I worked really hard on that shit (I still do)…and it went…awesomeness!!

The next day…I looked at my phone and one of the owners sent me a text saying “thank you” and it went on to say how much they liked working with me and how I did shit and so on…

Who does that?

How fucking cool is that shit…

Other people involved thanked me the next day as well…which left me to walk around all day with this “huhhhh” look on my face.

The whole thing baffled me…in the best kinda of way…

It has reminded me of the power in saying “thank you”…the strength that comes from simply acknowledging people…

An attitude of gratitude.

I think that saying “thank you” makes you a happier person…in fact, I am a witness…

And the feeling that I got from it…the natural high…I wanted to pass it on…

So I have been…in my own kinda way.

For the last week everyday…I text or facebook one to six people a day…I either wish that their day be sparkly or hope their day is as awesome as they are…I pick people that randomly pop into my brain…or that I have been thing off...and the whole thing…simply puts a smile on my face.

I dig it…totally.

And have no intention of stopping anytime soon.

I really like connecting with people that I don’t always have time to but am always sending good vibes to…or just reminding a great friend how I feel about them…for me personally…one of the greatest gifts that someone can do for me is to tell me that I am loved…for who doesn’t want to be loved…who doesn’t want to be told that they are awesome…who isn’t fucking awesome…

Should we not treat each other, as we want to be treated?

And why do we not tell people all the time that they fucking rock…

I am a firm believer that enlightening one’s self with the greatness of others helps us look within the looking glass…and see our reflection…(mine sparkles)

Nobody is perfect…that goes hand and hand with being human…but we all are pretty fucking awesome!

Maybe we all need to believe in each other…

And tell each other that we believe…

All these thoughts of greatness…inspired by a colorful thank you…imagine that…

The power of gratitude…is a truly amazing thing.


(Yes…we are doing one of my annoying self-affirmation dance moves…no funny ones today…don’t worry we will “load the dishwasher” next week…but this is like the fourth one in 84…so cut a princess some slack please ☺)


Pick a few people you are friends with but don’t talk to on a regular basis…in some sort of way…thank them for being them…or wish them a good day…let them know that you are thinking of them…the next day pick some more people…this time people that you talk to a lot…who know how you feel about them…but who doesn’t want to be reminded?...tell them that you love them, that they are awesome, that you believe in them…and the next day…pick whoever you just think of…and keep doing it…until you want to stop…if you ever want to actually stop…

Spread the love…Together, We can all make it to the Promise Land.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Blog 83: Death

Blog 83: Death

My grandmother died this week, the matriarch of the family…on Independence Day she flew away from her earthly being…declaring her true freedom.

I was suppose to go up and see her the very next day…yet again I learn the lesson that timing truly is a bitch…and that I should put people that I love before anything else… cause when there is no more time with someone…there is simply no more time.

It hit me harder than I realized…on a day that I had so many important things happening, I awoke to the call of reality…you get thrown a curve ball you never saw coming, in a way you never expected…and you have to keep on walking…and dealing…and doing what you have to do.

The worst part of the entire thing is seeing my mother mourn the loss of her mother…

I see my future self in her reflection and it paralyzes me…

It is a notion I wish to never think or feel.

My loved ones mortality is all of a sudden in perspective.

While death is finite, it is also infinite.


My mind has gone places and seen things that many only witness after they leave this body.

I have seen the light…jumped from the cliff and flown…

And as I sat across from my mother and took in all of her sorrow…her eloquent grief…I held her hand…and tried to comfort her with my knowledge in the mystery…

(Before I go on, let me state that my mom and I have on of the best relationships possible…I am totally open with her, she knows more than my best friends…she knows my deepest thoughts and concerns…I tell her about my psychedelic journeys…while she may not truly be able to comprehend where my mind has gone…she knows I have traveled through space and time.)

I told her…
“I think what scares and bothers people the most about death is the ‘not knowing’ factor…what is death?...I feel that if we knew what happened when we died we would not be as fearful or melancholy…I have died many times…and I know what death is…and it is not something to be frightened of…it is a glorious thing.
I recall one time I died…my life literally flashed before my eyes…visions of childhood, memories of friends, faces of my family, feelings, and as my head fell back…spellbinding lights and colors filled my mind…and I felt myself take one last breath…and my body peacefully rest…and my soul shoot into the sky…a beautiful bright light…I had never experienced pure freedom like this before.
And my light was then join by thousands of lights…and we swirled together becoming a sun…I remember never feeling so loved, so safe, so at peace…I was absolutely content…and there have been many a time where I have yearned for that feeling again…
Don’t be scared of where grandma is…she is in a wonderous place…I have seen it…she is okay…and her light shines upon and within us everyday…I know you can feel her right now…”

I saw my mother take in what I had explained…she took a deep breath…I knew she understood my validity.

I wish my words would have comforted her more…but loss is a bitch and half.

I admire my mother for her strength in darkness, her humbleness in succumbing to reality.

I desire so to take back time so I could say good-bye to my grandmother…for the guilt that burdens me is heavy, and infiltrating…and quite bitter for I know I could have re-prioritized, and seen my grandmother before she left us…

And yet I feel her with me everyday.

Since her passing, I have felt my guardian angels multiply…

When I think too hard about her passing and become depressed…I suddenly feel the luminous light again…the serendipitous calm after the storm…

Loss is never easy…pain is heartbreaking…life ends…

But the spirit soars through all eternity.



When my trash can is looking kinda full, I put my foot in my bucket (you have a trash can, I have a bucket)…so lift your foot up and press that action down…ohhh that smells bad…wave your hand in front of your nose…might as well take that trash out…do a lap around your “area” and grab any trash you see and toss it in the “can”…now pull the sides of the bag up and give it a nice tie at the top…you got to kinda shimmy the bag out of the bucket…and it is down the hall to put that bad boy down the trash shoot…(a reminder to apartment living…trash shoots are crucial and prevents you from carrying mad-shit down mass amounts of stairs…totally)…now go wash your hands!

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Blog 82: When did I Become this Way?

Blog 82: When did I Become this Way?

The other night I was going on a late night butt walk…as I ascended the stairs I noticed a man come out of the side door of the Huntington Hotel…it was quite obvious that he was totally-beyond-hammered…he was speaking in tongues and trying to stay as one of the Janitors kept on encouraging him to leave…after the custodian had won the battle and gone back inside the man took two more steps and face planted right there on the sidewalk where he proceeded to piss himself (I found this last part out when a couple walked by and I heard the lady say, “Gross, he pissed himself.”)

As he lay there, head buried in the cement, moaning and drooling…I simply kept on butt walking up and down the stairs ten more times…

I did not try to help him, I did not ask if he was okay, I simply did not care.

When did I become this way?

When did the “Good Samaritan” episode of Seinfeld become a reality?

What happened to me?

What has the Tenderloin done?

I used to anguish over people lying on the street…back in the day I would stand a moment in front of them and stare at their chest to make sure they were breathing…now I saunter by and know that is one of the reasons the cops poke the people sleeping on the street…to make sure they are alive…and I figure it is their job not mine…

I have become so callus…like bare-worn feet that have walked many a miles upon jagged stone.

People nod their head and say “hi” to me on the street and I ignore them and keep on moving…I used to say “hi” to everyone, now I have tunnel vision that leads me to my destination and I am oblivious to people…I walked by my friend yesterday that said hello, and they had to yell, “Sunny, what the fuck!”

I stammered out an apology that started with, “you know how many people say shit to me as I walk down this street…..”

And as I continued walking I had a lady say, “I like your outfit, Bitch!”…a man whip his dick out and show it to me (it was an odd shade of purple…ewwwwwwww)…witnessed two people peeing…one puking…had three guys try to block my path and get me to talk to them…over ten people smoking crack...two trying to find it on the ground...a guy follow me through the crosswalk commenting on my ass…one man start to yell at me when I didn’t say hi, telling me, “Bitch, you think you are the shit, with all your stupid dresses, Fuck You!”…..had over 15 men give me some sort of cat-call…got offered crack and oxys and shit I ain’t even heard of way to many times…got knocked over by “rank smell” three times…all in six blocks…

Why do I even bother to wonder why I am so hardened…I stare at the reason as I open my gate every morning…

I feel myself zone out and pinch my shoulders in as I walk through the dirtiest of the dirty…

I walk past the body bag with the crusted hand hanging out and I think about donuts…not the parallels of humanity…

Not, how can I help?…but more, this is helpless…

I try to be above it, but I am in it…

I see the lowest cavernous pits of mankind, and I float past it saying, “I am a princess.”

No wonder I am still not a queen.

When did I stop caring?

When I was a teenager I used to take my lunch money and buy food for the homeless by my high school. Where did that little girl go? Will she ever return? What if I want so desperately for her to?

How do you soften hardness?

Would I feel different if I did not live in the Tenderloin, or is this simply the growth of age and reality?

Or is it from seeing the results of that much crack?

How do I retrieve my tenderness but still keep myself safe?

I have so many questions of to what has happened to me…and so little answers.

How damaged am I from seeing what I see?

People used to say I was a pushover and kind…now I carry a brutal honesty that I don’t know if I desire…

I miss the old me…the one with the open heart…that had a “freeness” to it…a constant glimmer of hope…and not a thick-guarded-shell.

But I am who I am…and this is the life I not only see, but the one that I live.

This is my reality…

Hopefully…in me pondering these questions, I can take from this what I don’t want to feel…to become…

For finding a true balance is about always questioning…about seeing all sides…

I know what I don’t want to be…and I have to find that balance…

Maybe I should just not walk down those freaking six blocks as much?

And yet, I am drawn to them…like a lesson you yearn to learn.



Even though it is more of an “after Fall thing” roof and gutter upkeep is crucial and the summer time is a great time to prep for the winter…and when was the last time you cleaned your gutters…hmmmmmm.

Start by grabbing your ladder and moving it against the side of the house…make sure you got it nice and secure…it always helps to have someone hold the bottom of the latter, but we all ain’t that lucky…put your gloves on…now start to climb the latter one peg at a time until you get to the top…give yourself a good reach and start to throw leaves out of the gutter…reach a little further (man that yoga is really starting to pay off)…ahhh not too far…that was close…that was totally enough cleaning and stretching for one day…now for lemonade…maybe with vodka?