Blog 44...”I Believe in Music, I Believe in Love.”(Music is my Church...Part Two)
(Blog 25 is Music is my Church...Part One)
Donny Hathaway sings...
”People who believe in music are the happiest I’ve ever seen”
Last year at Christmas time, I went with my dad to his office, he was showing me some stuff for my apartment I might want and I lifted up a blanket. Hidden underneath were approximately 250 vinyl records...they smelled musky and had dust almost a ½ inch thick, as I started to pull them out, my knees began to buckle...Otis Redding, Rolling Stones, George Duke, Joe Crocker, Herbie Hancock, Donny Hathaway, 1947 Jazz Festival...and so much more.
As I turned to my dad, not really being able to speak, he saw me looking at the records and told me he had been keeping them for over 15 years, he knew he shouldn’t throw them away, but didn’t know who would want them.
I shouted, “I WANT THEM”
My dad told me to stop yelling and that I was going to make him deaf...he asked where the hell I was going to put all these records in my small ass studio.
“I WILL MAKE ROOM FOR THEM, I WANT THEM”
With his hands over his ears, my dad shouted, “But you don’t even have a record player.”
I waved my hand to imply that I did not give a fuck and began to haul the vinyl out to the car.
And in my apartment they have sat...waiting for the right moment...Once in a while I would pull them out and caress them, pondering what they sounded like, yearning to evaporate notes from them, wishing I could hold them and make them sing...
And then this last weekend, I was exhausted and broke and confused...
Having worked 3 doubles and waiting on a check that finally arrived today (whooo hooo) and my heart feeling like it is being pulled in two directions (does one try to work out the problems of the past where love is true even though they seem to take so much effort or does one leap into the promises of the new that seems to give you all that you thought was missing but it is still a huge leap of faith...or does one just drop it all and forget about love for awhile)...I needed some clarity and I needed it desperately.
One of my customers at work came in with a record player and as I took their order (I had to take it twice cause I was paying no attention to them only the record player) I realize what I had to do.
With only a $100 to my name I walked home, and I passed one of those crazy “all you can eat electronic stores” on Market St.
I walked in and waited for someone to help me, I then told the sales dude that I needed a record player...he took me to the correct section.
There cheapest one was $169...
“But papi, I need a record player and I don’t have that kind of money, can you give me any kind of deal, I need, need this, music is my church and I am missing so many sermons...”
He responded with “$120”
I told him I could not pay more than $80 (I needed some money to eat) I would get a floor model, whatever, I did not care, I just wanted to be able to play my records...I finished with a “please papi, please.”
He looked me up and down, took a breath, and said “Okay mami, but I am making no money off of this, but I can tell...you are good inside, it shines through, $80, no tax, don’t tell anyone.” (crap...did I just break that deal, well you still all don’t know exactly where I got it from.)
As I hugged him goodbye and repeated “thank you” numerous times...He simply smiled a huge smile and told me to “enjoy”
I told him I would not let him down.
I walked home through the Tenderloin, record player in hand, ready to use it as a weapon if necessary (hey remember, anything can be used as a weapon in the Tenderloin and you have go to be prepared.) I felt a calmness come over my mind, I felt the breaths I was taking all the way down to my toes...
And even though I had to go to another job, I took some time to plug in the record player and grabbed a Joe Crocker album and rested on my bed and listed to the music and had it take me away, if even for a brief moment in time. And in that moment, my troubles of the heart seemed to disappear, and I felt energized and intoxicated at the same time (kinda like an espresso martini makes me feel, whoooo haaaaaaaa and kick)
I left for my other job and over the next few days any chance I got I put on records, and just closed my eyes...and simply melted away.
And all the confusion of my heart lead to some sort of writer’s block and my head seemed filled with too many ideas to be able to express eloquently how I was feeling, how I felt torn, baffled and confused.
So I did what I always do when I need to find my path, I put on music, the record I grabbed was Donny Hathaway...I was kinda zoned out for the first couple of songs (I do have some killer hash) And as I came to a new song had begun, and Donny’s voice encompassed the air I was inhaling and his music spread through my body...”I Believe in Music, I Believe in Love...I Believe in Music, I Believe in Love.”
And as he continued to sing... my writer’s block lifter and it became so very obvious what I was to write about.
It also became quite clear that my matters of the heart would work out the way they were going to, and that instead of stressing about them, I should simply let them unfold, let time take it’s course.
Because I have faith.
I know that no matter how this love story ends, I am going to be okay...Because not only do I believe in music & not only do I believe in love, but I believe in me...
And no matter what choice I make, it is going to be the right one because it is going to be the one that makes me happy...
Yes Music is my Church, and I believe that...
“Music is the universal language and love is the key...So take your brother by the hand and sing along with me...I believe in Music, I believe in Love.”
Sometimes you just need to go to church to be reminded of how strong your faith is.
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
The “I’M EXCITED DANCE”
This dance move is ohhhhhh so simple and works in so many situations...
Put your arms out at 90 degree angles, start to move them ever so slightly but rapidly up and down, now start to hop from one foot to the other, still moving arms franticly...who is excited...you are!!! And now everybody knows cause you have done the dance.