Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Blog 80: Resolutions

Blog 80: Resolutions

I have had the idea about this blog since New Years…I sat at my desk and pondered my goals for the upcoming year and stared at the ones from last. I wondered if I wrote them in my diaries would they become more palatable.

I chose to push off the blog for I was in a funk of a mood around the holidays…stupid matters of the heart…

I must admit with pride…I had accomplished all my resolutions for 2011…except for JAZZFEST, which in my defense had three question marks behind it…so it was to be an effort (this year it had one question mark…and to be honest, I didn’t make the effort…I couldn’t…but the dream was still there.)

Some of the goals, to be honest, I had compromised…I had wanted a turn-table, I got a record player…I figured it evened out…I had wanted to lose 20 pounds…I had lost 15…I blamed the last five on bloating and high-fived myself…I did not finish my book, but I felt my diaries had produced a body of work I could be proud of.

I had gotten the internet (this might not seem like a big deal to some of you, but remember I might be a princess…but I live in the Tenderloin [aka: crack ghetto]…little shit means a lot.)…I left my job where my ass was getting grabbed (AMEN) and got control of my psoriasis…I have since kept the same job (they let me wear glitter!)…and only have one little spot of psoriasis on my leg…it appeared after my last break up…and when it has healed, so will have my heart.

And I became a member of The Boom Boom Room Family, I love you BBR…yeah 2011…I had done pretty well!

Which unfortunately put the pressure on for 2012…and myself, being a true glutton for punishment, made my list twice as long…what a ding dong!

The thing is…my birthday marks the half way point for my yearly resolutions…now I only got six months left…and the urgency is on…

This year it dawned on me that the burden of change is why I always freak out on my birthday (well besides the getting older part)…cause I realize I have been slacking off and need to get my shit done…I can be such a freaking procrastinator.

And on the day I celebrated my life, I awoke way to fucking early and stared at my resolutions…looking them up and down…letting my fingers feel the indentation my pen had made upon the paper…wondering if I could make them so…

I crossed off the goals I had accomplished…I have exercised everyday since the year began (I eat whatever I want) but I do some form of exercise daily, I have gotten my self-confidence back as well as my positive attitude…(sometimes when you are sad…you lose sight of the very things that make you happy…and have to remember how truly awesome you really are)…and I have inspired…at least that is what some people have told me…I feel blessed to have others feel that way about me…

But those goals, those are things I used to do and used to have…I had just strayed from my path…the goals I haven’t accomplished yet…those…those simply stared back at me as I pondered them…taunting me…making me realize how much work still had to be done.

I wanted to smoke less pot this year…funny, I can’t really recall if I am or not…so maybe at the end of the year that can be one of the goals I compromise on…I did not put hash on my bowl this morning…I am however out of hash…hmmmmmmmmm.

I still have a debt to a friend a need to pay back…that shit weighs heavy on me, that being said it is not a large debt by any means, I do the best I can, and I know he is in a good place…but I have my debt jar, and while it is full of ones…it is still full…hopefully in six months time I can cross that off my list.

The whole money crap is such a bitch and a half…

I need to find a career outside the restaurant business…while I have like seven jobs…the one that makes me my money is the restaurant job…a business I wanted no part in, yet did for my husband…I worked on his dreams and neglected my own…trying to realize what my dreams are after all this time has been a journey I still feel lost navigating…yet I must find a dock to rest my sail…a nitch…made just for me, and while things have begun to unfold, I wait with baited breath that is happens before the year ends so another check upon my list can be made.

And in accomplishing this last goal, I feel my resolution of cooking more at home will be easily fixed…cause the truth of the matter is, when you work at a restaurant…you rarely cook at home…so solving problem A…inherently solves problem B.

And the finishing book thing still has to happen…but I have continued my writing, and actually gotten half way through my book, “Diaries of a Rock & Roll Mistress”…it just sounds good, right….

Truthfully, I like the kick in the ass…I need it…If I am not constantly improving myself…I’m not doing my part to make shit better…cause making the world a better place starts with me…being the best me, encourages others to do the best that they can…and while I need to tend to others, it doesn’t matter a dime if I am not taking care of myself…for that is how I maintain my own happiness.

Since my birthday I have gotten up at 6:30am each day and just started working…I have thought positive notions about my future, I have asked favors, absorbed lectures, studied, imagined, and taken chances…new thoughts swirl in my head mixed with sparkles, rainbows and visions of a tomorrow which is my true destiny…and the rush has invigorated me in a direction I have always dreamed of…

And I know that in the end, all this will simply figure itself out…the way it is suppose to…as it always does.

My job is simply to lead myself down the right avenue and enjoy the mystery as it unfolds.



Start by starring down the hitter, give him the evil eye, tuck your ball into your glove and bring your knee high, recoil your elbow back (please look out for people behind and in front of you)…bring your leg and arm forward at the same time, letting the ball fly through the air…please maintain your balance during your follow through…for falling down is not a great ending to any dance move…
One thing that is so great about the dance version of this move is that you don’t really have a ball…so you can assume you are throwing a no hitter…unless you are looking for someone to hit a home run…

1 comment:

  1. hello Sunshine I met you and your Mom at Boulevard the day AFTER your b-day. (I was the gal whose birthday was the next day) Just logging on now to read your blog, and I have now bookmarked it.
    It was lovely meeting you and your mom, you are one cool chicka!