Sunday, September 14, 2014

Blog 117: The Yin & the Yang

Blog 117: The Yin & the Yang

Someone paid me a compliment a while back (I think)…how I am a independent women…self-sufficient…how I don’t need anyone to help me….how I should be proud…I responded with “There is a Yin to every Yang.”

For while it was a saying of praise, it was also a statement of some things I really need to work on within myself…I love being a bad ass bitch…yet sometimes I feel I lack a certain softness that I miss and I feel would help make me whole.

Let us be real..I do live a blessed life as a princess…I have an amazing family…a marvelous group of friends that are simply awesome people…A job where I get to wear what I want (glitter included!) am surrounded by rainbows and get to give back to my city….I have a rent controlled apartment downtown in the most expensive city to live in…and I know without a doubt that I am loved….to add to it, five years ago I was living with my parents working in the same place I had worked before I left home the first time…when I look back, I know I have come so far…I am amazed…and I have sparkled the whole damm time.

But I still cry, in fact I wail…I still have a hallow emptiness that engulfs me…a need to be loved that is never satisfied…a yearning for more…for freedom….for the light within me to hit the prism inside of me in just the right way…so I am truly beautiful.

I am Sunny…yet my sun still sets and my world is consumed by night and darkness…and on a cloudy evening, I cannot see the stars.

And one of my lessons I need to learn on this path to being a Queen is the Yin and the Yang.

The balance of the good and the bad.

The acceptance of the Path.

The more the moons pass the more air apparent it seems to me that the Yin makes way for the Yang.

The bleakness that comes from the concurrence of life, the lessons, the cavernous pits….makes the breathes and views at the top of the peaks that much more vivid…and surreal.

I give example of the back pain that I have written about in the past two blogs. It has changed my life…I have slowed, I have rested…it let me slip into somewhat of a depression…encompassed in pain…all I have wanted was to stay at home…ice my back and be with the one cat I had left.

And as my beloved feline that I have loved since college, slipped away into the afterlife this past week on my lap, in my arms…I felt eternal gratitude to my ailment…a soft…cosmic relief.

For it is what needed to happen in order for me to truly be at peace with my best friend’s passing.

I had the gift of being able to say a proper good-bye.

A thing I would have not been granted had my back been fine…this pain I have hated for so long…I now loved.

And in embracing this debilitating horror I have been dealing with…it has begun to ease itself in my mind…I know now…my time to heal has come…and while from time to time it might make me stay in or breathe and extra breath…there is a reason behind it I might not know till later…and I accept this notion.

For everything has a Yin and a Yang.

Nothing is perfect.

There will always be a crack, a flaw, an imperfection….and that is simply how life is suppose to be.

And as my life closes with my dear friend, I am acutely aware that another door has opened….I might not know where it leads for years to come….that is part of the mystery…the never ending white light that stands before me…

The eternal war with balance will take a lifetime to learn…maybe more….yet a notion I am willing to be schooled on.

It is my duty, in dealing with the sadness and the pain…to come back stronger than I was before…therefore the darkness will not have been in vain.

And my appreciation to the sun will let me bask in its light.



Okay….so let me start off by saying…I might have a small (huge) addiction to glitter…(no one knew this already) and I am known for glitter bombing just about everything…including sidewalks…this is a dance explaining that ideal.

Please note: While I am not a fan of the “huge” specs of glitter, for getting the sidewalk it actually works better (not if you are trying to get it in wet cement, but it kills it on the dry)…you can see it better as well as it makes an odd “crushing” sound when people walk over it…so you can know someone is coming and surprise “glitter bomb” them with ease.

Alright…start with getting your glitter in your shaker and look both ways…there are rules to The Sparkle Shuffle…no glittering when babies are around, pets or open container of foods (we have to be somewhat respectable)…senior citizens are fair game….if the coast is 90% clear start your shake…make sure the wind is in your favor and keep on shaking…I usually add my ass to the shake…just because…cover all ground you need…once you think you have gotten it all…shake again…and shake again…you want to get every last drop out so slam the bottom of the glitter container with your hand as it is upside…one more shake…alright…stand back…oh man you are blinded by glitter…that means you did a good job…but don’t stop shaking your booty…never stop shaking the booty…and shuffle on!

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