Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Blog 18....Walk like a Tenderloin Princess

Blog 18…..Walk like a Tenderloin Princess

All right, look bitches, walk that shit up.
(or roll, or hop….whatever you do….just slow the pace down and enjoy)

I walk that shit up… of my friends made me calculate how much I hoof it and on a good day, if I butt walk, wander around town for an hour or walk back and forth to the Boom Boom Room and walk to and from work…I walk at least 10-12 miles a day….around 4 hours…..and that does not include me running around at work.

Some people might read this and go,
“Settle the Fuck down ding dong…”

NEVER….that is my problem….tee hee hee.

Here are a couple of reasons that walking Kicks Ass…..

A. Your ass really does look better…um…TOTALLY… mine is a perfect example.

B. I love to eat…I mean seriously I could devour a freakin house…I eat whenever possible and I love food…especially good food (I used to own a French restaurant peeps…butter is my friend times 10)….and I usually eat a dessert a day. I’m not at my ideal weight…but I look awesomeness, and I don’t gain weight…or I haven’t….since I started to walk around the town.

C. You get to have the time to really see things, you aren’t rushing past something. As a Pothead..walking is much more my pace. For example, do you all know the door stops around the bars in Union Square are painted like mushrooms…..freakin awesomeness….or the Moroccan restaurant on O’Farrell St. has like six different kinds of tile in its entry way….would you notice that if you were flying by in a car…would the little things catch your eye?

D. I can smoke pot and walk. Now granted I can smoke pot and drive to (crap did I just say that) But I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again….driving in this city full of chicken fuckers is way to much responsibility for a hottie like myself. I like to chill, I work way to hard and I don’t need to be concentrating super hard when I am traveling from place to place. Driving is stressful. There are one way streets that all of a sudden go two ways, roads that fork, crack heads that wander, people more loaded than me that drive and so on and so on…..I feel like it is my responsibility as a Princess to acknowledge the well being of my kingdom and not add to the ding dongs on the road….after all, its about improvement baby…and me on the road…that’s the wrong direction.

E. Crap, I had a bunch more shit to say….I wonder if smoking pot really does affect your memory….. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

F. It’s the best time to think, just you out and about…thinking, about anything and everything.

G. You can always take a different way. I remember when I used to drive around Eugene (talk about trouble waiting to happen) I always had my set ways to get to and from my restaurant. There are lights and main roads and less options when you drive. When I walk to and from work…I take a different way almost everyday. Everyday I see something new. I see something I’ve never seen before and I might not see again…there is always a chance of discovery….and I’ll be at a slow enough pace, that I’ll be able to see it.

H. Explore and Wander….Do you all know how much cool ass architecture is in this city? All the old houses, the big windows, the Marriot in between Mission St and Market St with the big windows on top so that you can see all around the whole city. The crazy stores, the park, the beach, the museums…. There is so much AWESOME shit in this city that you just need to take the time to find it.

I. SOMEONE PUT GLITTER IN THE SIDEWALKS…..AWESOMENESS….this totally makes walking even more rocking…and if you are walking on psychedelics than…..awesomeness times 10.

J. It’s cheaper. For a broke ass princess like myself, I don’t have money to have a car. In fact, when I first moved back to the city I had a car….and I called those peeps and told them to come and tow that shit away. It was more hassle than it was worth. Maintence, parking, tickets, meters, garages, chicken fuckers, gas………time to find parking…..SHUT THE FRONT DOOR….I was over it…totally. Now I just walk…maybe I’ll cab it one way..its still cheaper than having a car, I still get to chill, and it gives me money to do shit I would rather do…smoke, eat and dance.

K. Some of you might be thinking…what about the bus…but let’s be honest here….The bus smells bad…..and smelling bad is not an option.

L. YOU CAN DRINK….ALL NIGHT LONG. Now granted since having psoriasis, I really don’t drink that much anymore. But I like to have the option. In fact, I like to do what ever the fuck I want, and I do.

And I guess that is why I walk. Because that is what I want to fucking do.

Now you go do whatever the fuck you want to do…

***it does always rock if you can improve your ass while you are doing what you are doing.***

I walked out the gate to get tea and a muffin today and the a crack head smoking against my apartment told me,

“You have the power to elevate a people”

That’s a little to much destiny before caffeine darlin.

Walk like a Tenderloin Princess…

So start by finding your ribs….most of my movement comes from my core. Now move your ass back and forth and front to back…find your internal rhythm. I snap my fingers or kinda groove with one hand… hand always has your corkscrew,
ready to defend. A couple of times as you walk be sure you put your hand up and flash that corkscrew….no one is allowed to fuck up your beat. Don’t forget to get your head in the walk…kinda like “the nod.” Now here comes some talent. Lighting the bowl and holding the corkscrew. I hold the corkscrew with my carb hand….(now I would like to be smoking a joint, but I don’t grow herb anymore peeps, and herb I get is a gift, so I bowl that shit up…I do have a smoking Sherlock and if you put hash on top of your bowl you don’t have to be distracted with lighting crap all the time cause it starts rolling..and it tastes good) Now puff and boogie and take it all in…and get where you need to go….all in good time.


  1. Everything happens in its own time. You can force it but it will not be the same
    ~ Whitson

  2. You make me smile everytime i read one of these. Its been one of my pet pevs everytime i come out west. Everyone wants to drive everywhere. Even if its just down the block. I wanna do a walking tour of sf with you next time i come up. Again I have that you are just fucking awesome. I have more to say about walking everywhere but i hate typing on this phone.