Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Blog 95: Fallen Down, Just like a Shooting Star...

Blog 95: Fallen Down, Just like a Shooting Star...

“And you have fallen down, down from the heavens…Stuck out in the desert…Amazing grace - such a lonely place…For heroes like you and me…Fallen down, just like a shooting star…With no fallen angel standing by”
“Fallen Down” by Warren Haynes

This weekend I fainted…twice actually.

Anxiety educed the colors of blue violets and October sunsets to orbit my brain…quivers marathoned through my body…numbness overtook me…cold blackness shattered my heat…a puddle of embarrassment and fear I became on the floor.

The realization that I have not yet recovered from my head injury became a reality. The fact that it encored due to stress…made me step back and ponder the choices I have been making and the ones I need to make.

I have been working myself to death…

Deflated when I need to be buoyant in the sky.

For what?

I don’t travel, I don’t have a shit ton of money…I am exhausted constantly and have not given myself proper time to heal.

Why have I let money become such a tension in my life?

Why am I spending so much time on shit I don’t even want to do?

When am I going to take my own advice and slow down and enjoy the satisfaction that comes from stillness?

When am I going to allow myself an opportunity to recover?

How am I going to accomplish my dreams if I wait tables at a place that I don’t really want to work at…I am over filling freaking water bottles…I want more!

When will I collapse from simply overworking…oh wait…I already have.

When am I going to slow down?

Why in the name of all that is holy am I working so freaking much?

Fuck this noise…I have got to re-evaluate my priorities and get me right.

And so I am…

I am done with the restaurant business…a yearly resolution has been accomplished…but sacrifices will have to made.

I am going to be poor again (more than I already am)…but rich in time.

And the precious minutes of life that I gift to myself I believe are vastly more important than a green piece of paper that has lead to the death of a society.

I can also foresee a life of less stress…and stress has cause the greatest pain in my life…it was the onset of my psoriasis both times, it causes me to get all crazy emotional and distraught, it forces me to put pressure on things that I need not fret about…working less means more time to be me…to put energy into the things I deem important in order to better myself.

Sometimes you do have to take a step back before you are able to move forward.

It gives me solace that I have my friends and family on my side encouraging me to take this break.

Cause I could really fucking use one.

Maybe I have kept myself busy in order to ignore the image staring back in the looking glass.

Maybe the delicate tranquility of relaxation will bring a soft clarity.

Sometimes when you fall down, you need to rest, recharge, regroup and get a whole new perception.

And make a wish on a shooting star…


THE FAINTING DANCE…duhhhhhhhhhhhhh

This dance move is oh so simple…groove in your place for a couple seconds…shake your head and grab it for a second…wobble from side to side, reach out and grab a friend’s arm…and go down!

This move is great for a couple reasons…it makes those who faint more comfortable with what they endure…and it is great for awesome ground-scores that you don’t want others to find…twofer!

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