Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Blog 39........TO LOOK UP.........

Blog 39…………To Look Up……………

In the past few days, I found myself repeating a story many times, let me do it once more…………

The day I sold my restaurant a few years back, I remember a moment of clarity.

I had worked for years without a day off, lost a marriage, taken on stress beyond my years, became blinded from my path…………I was unhappy/over worked and knew it.

Due to the downfall of the economy and the fact that working with a man you had broken up with SUCKS ASS, we had pretty much given away the restaurant and lost a substantial amount of money....it was not the best way that it could have ended, it was not the worst.

I drove back home from signing the papers, part of me was in shock, had I really just handed over my life to a stranger for nothing? A thing that I had invested my life into, my blood, sweat and tears………gone………as quickly as I could sign my name.

The other part of me was in shock cause now, not only did I have a day off, but I had a shit ton of days off and nothing to really do……………

I stopped at a red light……….

and, I looked up.

At the moment I was hit with a blast of clarity.

I had not looked up in years.

I had been so focused on the restaurant, on the work and the stress, that I had neglected the sky. I had ignored it all, and forgotten the simply pleasure that looking around can give you.

I had forgotten to take it all “in.”

And as I looked up and people started to honk behind me, I pulled over, leaned my seat back and starred out my sunroof. I don’t remember how long I gazed up, but I knew each breath I took filled my body with clarity.

The notion hit that life is not all about work and stress........it is about enjoyment and living. And for years of my life, I had spent too much time working and not enough time living.

The next few days energized me with new life. I went to a café and had coffee and just people watched, I took psychedelics and went with my boom box and sat by the river, watching it go by, listening to LEGION OF MARY, I saw the notes of music twist with the current of the water and roll away.

And I looked up……………so much so, my neck fucking hurt.

It is something I do every morning now, I even have my bed situated so I can see the sky when I awake and go to bed. I never close my blinds, I always want to be able to see the sky.

When I walk my miles around the city, I’ll give the sidewalk a “shit check” and then gaze up, getting lost in the cool architecture and the whispering clouds. At night the stars fill the dome above with glittering lights that I zone out in.

I have learned the art of “people watching” and of simply "watching."

When I tell people how old I am they seemed surprised, they tell me I look younger, funny thing, the day I sold my restaurant people began telling me I looked 10 years younger.

I have learned to simply take it all in.

And in taking it all in I have mellowed, became less stressed (remember, I’m just to blessed) When you are able see the big picture, the problems, the stress, all that seems so minute compared to the whole.

Sometimes we become so focused that we ignore all the components to life, but it is not just one thing that makes us happy, that stresses us out, that makes or breaks us……………

The day I looked up, my eyes became open, and not only was I able to look up, but also around.

Looking straight ahead leads to tunnel vision, and leads to stress which makes you look WAY older.

And tunnel vision makes everything in front of you look so big and massive, when you spin around, the problems blend with the good and you realize how balanced life really is.

So if you are feeling stressed, or lost, or just in need of a new perspective………………LOOK UP.

(just be sure if you are walking you scope the street for shit, cause some of us are not the best at the “Tenderloin Shit Shuffle”………just saying.)



All right, start loading up on the truck……ohhhhhhhh, you get to be the back driver guy, remember you got to take the turns big and you really swing being back there……whoaaaaaaaaaaa………we are here, everyone hop off the truck. It is a big fire, put the latter up. Climb the latter one step at a time. Break the window……OH NO, a cat is trying to escape, but it is scared, there is only one thing to do, toss the cat out the window (this is not animal cruelty, you are trying to save the cat and they are suppose to land on their feet, so here is hoping) Now it is hose time. Start to pull the hose to where you need to go, man this thing is heavy, now you need to brace yourself....squatting will help with the force of the water and improve your ass (a twofer)………spray the water back and forth, yikes, duck, got to be careful of those flying cats………totally.

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