Blog 40.....Whoops, I did it Again, I Left the Tenderloin...and Survived.
Whoops, I did it again, my dumb (but cute & sparkly) ass left the Tenderloin, but don’t worry peeps, I remembered my corkscrew. Surprisingly, I did not have to use it.
And I actually have been having quite a nice time here (man shit is way cooler when it is not snowing and you aren’t stuck in a house by yourself...just saying.)
And this small town is quite nice, reminds me of a place I lived for some time. I totally and completely understand the appeal. But I have said it once, and I’ll say it again, a small town, is a small town, and it ain’t got nothing on my city.
Now, if this small town changed a couple of key elements, I might consider moving...maybe, not really, but let us just put this figuratively...totally.
-California, I love you, I can smoke pot where ever the fuck I want, I can walk down the street, go to a show, walk outside a bar (there is one you can smoke pot in after 2am when they pretend to close...gotta love that.) I took an hour plus walk the other day here, could not smoke nothing, in fact, the house I am staying at, I can’t even go on the back porch an smoke, I thought I was suppose to be enjoying nature, this shit is wrong! Other states, you all really need to catch up on this not giving a shit about pot smoking. Hey it’s still illegal in California, we just don’t give a shit.
-Mosquitoes... Okay so I totally get that I taste good, but really. Flying malaria festers are everywhere round here, and they like me...times 11. And that shit itches like a mother fucker, and then I feel like I got bugs crawling up me all night cause I itch and once I realize a bug has been on me, I can’t stop thinking about it, and thinking about it, and wondering if that feeling is them crawling on me or me just being paranoid cause I don't want to get bit again....oh, oh, oh...it is still itching.
-I had mentioned the last time I left, that you got to drive in a small town, and driving, is not for this princess. I tried to walk more this trip, and let me tell you, it would have been a lot easier if you all had corner stores so I could get some cold water. I did not see one, till the very end of my walk, and my walk was hot as fuck, I would have loved to slip into some air conditioning and enjoy a tasty mojito, but alas, again, no bars on the walk, and no mojitos for this princess...
But my thirst did get quenched, and I eventually got a mojito too. And to be honest, I needed to get out of the fucking city for a moment. Cause as wonderful and fulfilling as the city is for me, and I do Love the City sooooo, like any relationship, it has a dark side. In a six month time period, I have watched a lady get hit and killed by a bus 6 feet in front of me, a teenage girl fall to her death 10 feet from me, saw 3 people that had been shot, saw a guy get stabbed, witnessed 2 people get hit upside the head with a bottle and a old homeless man get straight kicked in the head by a crackhead for no apparent reason. When the guy slouched over from being kicked, the crackhead just laughed.
Yes, getting away has been good for me, and I needed a rest, a change of pace, a new perspective.
And I could come back here, and maybe one day my perspective would take me to moving here, but not now, not soon...I still have chapters to finish in my city, maybe even more books.
Maybe the answer is I need to explore more, realize that there is so much more out there. How can I become a queen if I don’t experience and see all the kingdoms?
Sometimes you forget how small you are, and a reminder is always nice.
The City could improve if more restaurants carried Sweet Tea in house (don’t be scarred peeps, sugar is okay...really.) AND BOYS HERE OPEN DOORS…not all, but a good 80%...and that shit is awesomeness...times 11, totally. But when is being proper not awesomeness...right?
Can we all just open doors for each other, come on, it really is okay to be nice to each other, to smile and say hi (but if you have been in the city for a while, the first few “hi” walk byes freak you the fuck out, but you acquire to it with ease.)***
So maybe the small town is for you, I really do get it and I even like the cricket sound track.
But San Francisco is where I was born and raised; it is where my family is. And I have not recovered from the ending of my last book, and even though I see so much craziness, I feel so safe in my home, with my family...the city is my security blanket.
And for me, the Tenderloin is a constant reminder that no matter how hard it is, how down I feel, I am one lucky ass bitch, and should feel blessed, cause shit could be a whole lot worse.
And when I see death and despair on such a daily basis...I never forget to live everyday like it was my last, to truly truly LIVE.
And I am only a princess, not yet a queen...and I still need those constant reminders...the realities of this journey.
But to play devil’s advocate with myself (for this is always good to do)
It does not matter where you are, but what you make of it.
I simply choose to “make it” in San Francisco.
DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK
I STUBBED MY TOE
(this dance move is similar to the “My Ankle Hurts” dance)
So, bring your foot to your opposite knee, either grab with both hands or with the opposite hand as the foot (I tried the same side thing, way harder, and if you throw you being loaded into the mix, bigger problems) You got a good grip on in, now say “Owwwwwwwww” and start to hop, hop, hop...that shit hurt, I think we have to hop our way over to a drink.