Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Blog 52...And the Hunt Continues...(Adventures of a Chode Hunter Part II)

Blog 52...And the Hunt Continues...(Adventures of a Chode Hunter Part II)

For your basic definitions of "Chode" & all meaning involved with "Chode Hunting" please refer to Blog 31.

More definitions to add to your repertoire.

Chode Code:
This is a code that Chode Hunters use to alert their friends that they have been approached by a chode or to distance themselves from a chode...I have been known to yell "PIZZA" at random moments so my ladies know to come and save me (who would not come running for pizza)...when I am by myself I look at the chode who is hitting on me, smile big, and tell him,... "I only fuck chickens"...and walk away. This usually works and leaves them with the common "huhhhh" look on their face (making their bottom lip somewhat protrude out.)

This being said...be prepared for interesting come backs...the best one I received after telling a man that I only fucked chickens was...."Well Cock-a-doddle-do"...that one made me freeze dance for a moment.

Chode Chatter:
Have you ever talked to someone and felt minutes of your life wasting away...has it ever been a boy that is hitting on you in the lamest way possible...have you ever felt like blinking and blowing their heads up...This is "Chode Chatter"...Chodes tend to ask questions that they don't want answers to...its just part of their pick up line...a wonderful example of this is what happened to me this weekend...A man asked if I was Irish, I squinted my green eyes at him and tilted my red hair, not evening answering...he then asked, "Do you want so more in you?"

Precious seconds of my life...wasted...gone, never to return...on chode chatter (I think I heard that line once, when I was ten...maybe we need to come up with a "Chode Academy" to free the world of dumb asses.)

CIT (Chode in Training):
This is a younger man who has chode tendencies...and has older friends that are chodes...it is possible to save the young lad from the deep pit of stupidity of all that is chode...but the battle is fierce...glitter tends not even to work...and often the battle leads the chode hunter to copious amounts of drinking and gaining a minimum of 5lbs..

Ladies...sometimes this fight is pointless too...for a chode chicklet (baby chode) is started at a young age, just please remember this if you are to ever have a son...Do not raise a chode...raise a fucking man!

Debunking a Chode:
This is a rarity...and is only for level 10 Chode Hunters...for only a few precious chode hunters are capable of getting a chode to "change teams."

Sadly, a debunking usually occurs after some sort of loss and pain...only acute humbleness can cause a chode to open his eyes...lessons that are painful usually produce the most growth...sometimes the Chode Hunter has to let go of a chode she loves for good in order for the debunking to happen...that is another reason she is a level 10 hunter...she is willing to sacrifice the love she has...to better the quality of man. (She has helped paved the way for this man to be good, for she has helped him learn from his mistakes.)

And I am still a level 7 chode hunter, and wish I had the strength be a level 10...one day...one day.

Now Let's rate a chode or two...

(Can you believe these encounters happened all in one night)

Encounter Four:
As I danced at the first show of the evening, the music was funky, and so were my moves. A chode wrapped his arm around me, stopping me in mid-dance move and pulled me close and said in my ear, "I want to take you out to dinner, you are the sexiest thing in this room." I firmly removed his hand from my waist and continued to dance, feverly looking around the room for my girlfriend who had gone searching for friends. The chode then stood directly in front of me and said "Are you not even going to fucking talk to me? Are you not even going to fucking say thank you?" I stopped dancing, looked him dead in the eye and walked away...(remember, sometimes there is no point in chode chatter.)

Chode Rating...times 90 (you fucked my groove up and you cussed at me...fuck you)

Encounter Five:
Having left the first show of the evening, I headed to the second...after saying hi to friends and taking pictures I headed to the bar to grab a bottle of water. There was a line, I like normal society got in the back of the line. A drunk chode stubbled up to the line, looked at it, looked at me at the end, and cut infront of a couple who were making out (can we please pay attention in line here peeps) As he waited for his beer he spun around in a slow circle with a smug smile on his face...(oh, the look of a dumb ass)...after purchasing his beer he turned and walked up to me. After spilling a bit of his beer on my toes (figures) he said, "Your cute, what is your name?"

I replied with, "My name is the girl who you just cut in line and spilled beer on, nice to meet you."...out came his bottom lip and the "huhhhh" look.

Chode Rating...times 30 (It is hard being a dumb ass)

Encounter Six:
The first part of this encounter happened as I approached the second venue...I said hello to some of the door guys that I know, one of them patted my ass and told me it was good to see me. I ignored it and talked to the other door guy that I knew...the chode that had grabbed my ass got mad, he said, "you can't talk to him, you are mine." I looked down at the leopard ring I had on my left hand's ring finger...turned to him and said...."I only belong to leopard" and walked inside thinking...chode.

As I went out to do one of my "air laps"...(I get hot)...the chode of a door guy grabbed my wrist and squeezed it hard and said "Oh, you ain't leaving"...I told him to let go of my wrist and that I was just getting air, I tried to pull my wrist away...he proceed to yank and twist my wrist pulling me towards him as I tried to pull away and said, "You are going home with me tonight."

I yelled "Let go of my fucking wrist"...and proceed to simply jump in a cab and leave the show before it ended.

Chode Rating...times infinity (not only did you ruin my show and make me yell in public, but you fucked my wrist up to the point that it is bruised and damaged and I have to tape it and it hurts at work...YOU SUCK)

Why oh why did I not bring my light saber that evening...I would have whomped some serious chode ass.

Maybe I should just start glittering all the chodes I meet so at least when they are being a rude dumb ass, they are sparkling and that will make me giggle.

And you got to giggle at the chodes...for they are stuck with themselves...and imagine having to deal with a dumb ass 24/7...that would be some free TV right there...totally

Dance move of the Week:

Roller Skating

Who does not like to Roller Skate...right. So get your skates moving, do a spin or two, don't forget that the brake is on the toe...use your arms for balance...now try to skate backwards...hey, it almost looks like you are "moon-walking"...now add some finger points...brake...go forward now...swing those arms...brake and spin...and repeat...when was the last time you roller skated?

1 comment:

  1. i think glitter is a good way to "tag" a chode so that all others are aware