Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Blog 54...Women are Crazy as Fuck & Men are Dumb as Shit...(Part I)

Blog 54...Women are Crazy as Fuck & Men are Dumb as Shit...(Part I)

Hmmmm...this sounds kinda crazy...anyhoo

My awesome boss told me one day (in explaining how her and her husband work)...”Men are Dumb, Women are Crazy...once you get that down, it makes communication much easier”

Well my boss is a lady I listen to & look up to so I took this advice and held it close.

Over the past month I have been in observation mode...and figures, she was right.

Sorry guys, I don’t mean to be rude, but you all are some obtuse motherfuckers.

But it is cool, cause us ladies, are some crazy ass bitches...but we gotta be crazy, you all are dumb...but maybe you all are so dumb to help you cope with our craziness...hmmmmmm.

Once we all address this situation, we might all be able to communicate better.

Examples of how we could better situations are as follows:

-I am dressed in a pair a panties, a fedora & my leopard print heels from Paris ready to do a lovely dance for homie, he decides to pick the music, he puts on a song in which the singer starts with...”I want to dedicate this song to my ex-wife.”

I wonder if he can spell dumb ass...cause the heels came off quite quickly...does he not realize I am bonkers.

Now if I had checked myself and been like...”Wait, this dude is a dude, and I know he wants this dance, and I know he loves me, he probably is just so thick skulled that he doesn’t even get that this would really fucking bother me”...I might have prevented myself from becoming ticked.

Now if homie had thought before he put on the music...”Wait, I am a dumb ass...this dance is going to be hot...I should let the lady take control of this one, cause I am cloddish and could fuck this up and she is crazy as sin and if one thing goes wrong this dance is not going to go down.”...Well than the dance would have happened.

-Papi shows me a picture of him recently holding his ex-girlfriend’s tits...what a featherbrain.

Now granted I know this chick and him are just friends, and she is awesomeness times 11, and I’ve seen her other friends grab her tits and I know it is not like that...yet even though I know this, I’m crazy...and what dumb ass is going to show his lady a picture of him holding another ladies tits and go “check this out” and not think it is a wrong, a Pinhead...that is who...aka, a dude.

If homie had checked himself and been like...”Wait, would I like to see a picture of her ex holding her tits...Probably not...And I need to remember that she is insane and freaks out over little things...hmmmmmm, not a good idea”...a hurt loony bin, have never resulted.

Now in the end, I checked myself (cause this chick really is that cool)...but homie really pushed my lunatic button on that one (I just breathed and kept on repeating, “he is a dumb ass...he is a dumb ass...he is a dumb ass” helped)

In fact in taking in my boss’s observation I have been able to deal with many aspects of my man dealings better...

At my other job, I have this one guy, he is totally awesomeness but I tell him what to do and he fights me usually in the beginning and wants to do it his way, but I am the boss and the one with the experience, so I find that if I simply repeat myself 3 times, he will fight me the first 2 times, but on the third time he simply repeats back to me what I said and I go “right” and he says “okay” and we are done.

So now, instead of getting frustrated, I just repeat myself and know that by the third time what I am saying has finally sunken in and is starting to make sense...or maybe he just repeats me to get the deranged chick to shut up...up for grabs, totally.

But it works.

In fact now when a dude says something dumb to me...I take a moment to go, “Wait he is an idiot, he probably means no harm, he is just moronic.” and I become way less mad.

And I think if dudes instead of trying to figure out why we are so out to lunch, just accept the fact that we are cracker-brained, and that we mean no malice, we are just batty, they would better be able to communicate with the ladies.

I know, I don’t come close to understanding the male is asinine for me to even attempt to...but you know my insane woman self will always try.

You wanna know something really funny though...when I write about stuff I like to have a thesaurus by me, and I looked up the words “crazy” and “dumb” and many of the words that described “crazy” also portrayed “dumb”

Hmmmmmmm...Something for our crazy dumb asses to think about.


Since I am going on vacation (yeahhhhhhhh, best Christmas gift ever...thank you, thank you, thank you) I thought this would be fitting...

So set your suitcase out at waist level...unzip that there are two ways to pack this can choose Dance Move A. In which case you neatly fold things in the air before placing them gently into your suitcase. Dance Move B. you run around in a circle frantically throwing shit over your shoulder and praying it lands in the vicinity of the suitcase.

How ever you start your dance finish by your “thinking” dance move and go over a mental list of everything you have...might as well throw in another pair of can never have enough panties...Got it all...awesomeness...time to zip and get out the door...IT’S VACATION TIME!!!!!!!

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