Thursday, May 24, 2012

Blog 77: Yelling...

Blog 77: Yelling…

I am going to be honest…I am not a fan of yelling…in fact you could possibly say that I hate yelling…and one is not suppose to “hate” anything.

When someone yells at me…in an instant…I am taken back to the time of my marriage, curled in the fetal position in a corner, shivering, simply taking in the harsh words my husband had for me…that was my life for so long…constant yelling…Today, I simply walk away from that shit as fast as I can…and the smoke that rises from behind me, is not from the bowl I am puffing but from the lightning speed of my ass hauling in the opposite direction of the person on a tyrant.

And yelling is so unnecessary.

Not to mention counter-productive.

People start screaming at me and in a split second I tune them out…when I was young my father would yell at me while I sat at the kitchen table…my seat had a view of the Pacific Ocean…I would not let his words penetrate me…Instead, I would imagine his harsh observations flying over the sea, away from me…and hitting some poor soul in Hawaii.
(please note: My daddy yelled cause I was a teenage girl…he had every right to…discipline is a dying trait in today’s society…but I have it…and I thank my parents for that everyday...and disciplining a child who smokes and drinks in the park till midnight at the age of 15 and dealing with a lover or friend…are two totally different things)

For some reason when my ex-husband barked at me, I could not tune that out…maybe we should have lived by an ocean…

That being said, he would always apologize…they just piled up too high and I became numb to them…like a trampoline that does not bounce.

As of late, I have witnessed or been a subject to my friends yelling…and it really sucks…it sucks even more that neither of them apologized or had remorse for their actions and they kept on going about their business like there was nothing wrong with what just happened.

And I love my friends…deeply…that being said, I truly distain yelling…which one is a stronger feeling…that one I am still contemplating, and maybe why I am writing this blog.

Crap, another blog that might get me in trouble…fuck it…let’s add it to the heap…

Encounter One:
I had heard about this person and their temper at shows, but I had never witnessed it…and now that I have…I’m totally scared of my friend, and am well aware that they can punch me in the eye…it is not good to be fearful of your friend…totally.

I was in the front row of a show and my friend found me and we were grooving…a drunk girl did a drunk dance and my friend went off on the girl, pushing her and yelling at her…I was confused as fuck…the chick was just dancing…no one was hurt…this is the front row (my one friend says the front row is a “contact sport”)…who gets in fights at music shows?...when did this become hip?...and isn’t like 99% of the crowd doing some kind of loaded dance…

I immediately fled from the vicinity…and for the first time ever, was glad that this was a venue you could not smoke pot in (but in reality peeps, this is San Fran-fucking-cisco…I should be able to smoke pot everywhere…seriously) while outside with extra hash to calm my nerves I saw the drunk girl come out in tears with her boyfriend, and they left the show…a show that they had paid for…that they had every right to enjoy…instead their evening was ruined.

I walked inside the venue and the first person I saw was my agro friend who started off with, “I jut yelled at that bitch again…got all up in her face!”

“Dude, you can’t do that,” I replied.

“The girl got in my dancing space and was all drunk, I put her in her place,” she retorted.

“Well if she was bothering you, you should have moved.”

“I am not moving for no one,” she said.

I then stated, “But I just had to move”…she then went off some more, and I don’t really think she took in my last statement, simply going on and on about how she would not move…and I, personally, didn’t really get it. I wander all around at shows…and I am sensitive, especially to other people’s vibe…and if I don’t feel comfortable or if I feel my “getting down” is being affected…I simply saunter ten feet over and try again…in life and especially at shows, I am a firm believer that there comes a time when a blind man takes your hand and leads you to where you are suppose to go…if I am not feeling it…I move to a spot where I am…it is as simple as that.

After this incident I am left in a predicament…cause I love my friend, and I want to hang out with her at shows…but I am a firm believer that our friends are a reflection of who we are…and that yelling…that anger…that is the farthest thing from me ever…

Encounter Two:
I honestly really don’t know why my friend yelled at me…I got us a free ride to a show and she freaked out…confused, I am…and the truth of the matter is…this friend yelled at me twice in one day…both times they pretty much freaked out…the second time for no reason other than they lacked patience at the current moment…and not only berated me…but in public not less…totally not okay times a million.

And I might not be writing about this if they had apologized…but none was given…simply they went on their evening like nothing had happened…which left me with the idea that they thought it okay to roar at someone in public…which frazzled me even more.

Cause I totally get that sometimes we all need to freak out…that shit happens…we all need to left off steam…but if you are going to blow a gasket for no good reason, and effect everyone’s mood around you, you best say that you are sorry.

May I also state again that yelling in public stinks for two reasons, not only are you putting someone down in front of other people and embarrassing them but you are effecting the moods of everyone around you…cause yelling ain’t good for nobody.

(And on a side note: I am a very compromising and reasonable individual…I believe we all are…it is simply in the approach and the tone…and if an issue is had, talking to me in mature, even toned manner…a resolution can be easily obtained.)

And once again…I am left pondering…I love this friend…so much, but I am not going to have a friend yell at me like that and think it is okay…I don’t play that game.

I am not going back to that time in my life spent in the corner.

I’m praying the blind man simply leads me to the decisions I need to reach.

I have faith in the simple fact that it will all work out…it always does.

I hope our friendship is strong enough to work through this…if not, I have cherished my time with these friends…and will leave it at that.

It’s just yelling, messes up my bubble…and I like my Sunny bubble…a little too much.

I will end this by addressing my fault in this…instead of writing, I should just talk to these friends…but my words are never as eloquent in person as they are in writing…and these…these are my diaries…and the strength I try to have in them, is not always easy to carry in person…


SKIING…cause you don’t need snow to ski on a dance floor!!!!!

All right, so let me start by saying that skiing just isn’t my thing…those bunny slopes are freaking steep…so on the dance floor is where I get my “sunny bunny” in…totally.

Clamp your boots in…now grab your pole thingies and start to push off matching each ski to your arms…as you get going…bend your knees and tuck your poles under your arms, sinking your upper body into your hips, now lean from side to side…taking the hills (you can even make “whoosh, whoosh” noises as you go)…take the jump…make sure there are no beer bottles in your way as you land…stick the landing…I give that jump a 10…

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