Thursday, February 17, 2011

Blog 7..Dating Diaries of a Princess...PART ONE

Blog 7….Dating Diaries of a Princess…PART ONE

Here are the first few example of awesome dates (not) that I have had in this wonderful city…thank god the city will always be my perfect date.

Date A.
When did a date become a drug deal.
Ohh you all think Im joking, well lets check this shit out…
I meet a man, he is friends of my friends, he is tall, he is dark, he is handsome, and oh so positive…check, check, and check…awesomeness right…nope.
I try to get homie to go on an art walk…one of my favorite-free things to do, and there are nice bars along the way….totally
Now granted, my idea of a date is a guy asking me to go out to dinner…in fact if I guy asks if we can hang…I say, “you can take me out to dinner” period. So the fact that is not how it started, I should have guessed. But he was nice and tall and I thought…maybe.
Then he picked me up in a massive truck…I have learned that herb growers from oakland that drive the massive trucks are not my type. You all don’t need that big of trucks, you grow herb in the CITY of Oakland, not Trinity county here peeps, besides you all are suppose to be hippies anyway …damm ….anyhoo
He did open the door.
*****please note to all men, open the fucking door, its not hard, it makes a lady feel like a lady, and damm it, how the fuck were you raised that you think it is not okay to be proper****
…back to the drug deal.
He told me cruising would be more fun than an art walk…he does know I don’t drive and love to walk right…oh yeah…drug deal.
So we go to his friends house that he has to see (oh this also turns out to be a guy from my past I humped once, was really bad, and I have those “why the fuck did I do that” thoughts…)
So awesome date already…did I mention the guy who I humped girlfriend was there, the one who he had broken up with right before I humped him and then they got back together…this was off to a flipping fantastic start already, why am I not in a relationship with this guy….
He then picks up a bag of pot we have totally not awkward conversation and off we go.
He then takes me to look at the ocean.
Now downtown its about 50 degrees…at the ocean, its 32 degrees with high wind..oh the romance of this date continues.
So he asks if im cold…with numb lips I think my snow capped lungs breathed a yes… off we went to a dive bar…oh what a date, did I mention on the way to the dive bar he told me the guy before couldn’t give him any money, soo he was sorry, but I was going to have to pay for my own drink…
Then off to a mutual friends of ours to smoke pot and watch the simpsons…..This is all things I could have done on my own time..I am a busy bitch….a date should be special. For the love all that is holy…

Date B
Don’t tell me you are masturbating to me…not good.
I had a wonderful date with a gentleman, he took me out to a lovely dinner, then we had a bottle of wine on the beach and kissed. I was walking on air. I mean, this might seem like a dream, there were some little things, but all and all it was great, he paid for everything, we had great conversation, he dropped me off….then I got a text about how he was masturbating to the thought of me coming in his mouth…what the fuck, who texts that, who says that after the first date, settle the fuck down, I mean seriously. Way to gross me the fuck out. Then he texts like 7 times a day, first off, no, and second, I have 6+ freaking jobs I don’t have time to spend that much time on the phone. And months later he still calls, wonder if he still has dreams of me sitting on his face…..
chicken fucker.
*****STORY UPDATE******
I ran into this guy at the Boom Boom Room and he ran up to me and asked why I never returned his calls…..I looked him dead in the eye and said “because you texted me about how you where masturbating about me sitting on your face,” ahhhhhhh, the truth…truly the best thing to say.
He then says he was drunk, he is sorry, and can he take me out again to make up for it…
Tee hee hee.

Date C
I met a man who should have been high fiving himself that he had me…and I was really gaga over him. So my broke ass rented a car to go and see him, he said if I got the rental car he would pay for the rest. (Money is not that important to me, but like I have said before, I have 6 jobs, im broke, im looking for a man who sees how hard I work and wants to make my life easier…and I AM NOT looking to take care of someone else financially, I have a hard enough time dealing with me.) The whole time he was courting me, the guy was telling me how he would love to take me out to nice dinners. So I get up to Humboldt where homie lives, and all he does is tell me how honored I should feel cause I am going out with one of the Humboldt big boys…(um I really had to break it to him, I lived in Humboldt 12 years ago, just cause he had a job and grew pot does not make you a big deal. Pot growers from small towns crack me the fuck up. Its California, we are all gay and we all grow pot…it’s the water.) He then asked if my friends and I wanted to go out to dinner, he has a shit ton of money, my friends and I don’t…he made us pay for our dinner and even got his friend to pay for his, in fact the whole weekend he got his friends to pay for his shit…I realized he is one cheap ding dong….then we went out and he walked up to me at the bar and said, “you gonna buy me a beer”…
I asked him if he was going to buy anything.

A date is something special. I have always said, a guy has to treat me as good as I treat my self.

A. Dinner (and yes you should pay)
B. you really want to impress me, a pre-dinner glass of champagne at a nice place.
(****note if you skip this I will simply order a glass of sparkling as an appetizer****)
C.Dessert is always nice to share. Or if nothing looks good, go for a walk around a find a pace to have dessert (any if the lady offers to pay, don’t let her, but a good lady should offer. A good man should not except…trust me we put our money in)
Ie…who gets you coffee in bed each morning and a snack, who pampers you, yeah…at least I do, and yes I EXPECT TO BE PAMPERED TO.)
I actually don’t like to take a date to the Boom Boom Room for dancing til Im serious, that’s my home turf. …so that’s good…after C. if you take me home, you might get a kiss…im a base girl (first date, first base), I like to take it slow, and if I don’t…I think in the back of my mind I know its not going to work but a girl needs some lovin from time to time..totally.
But a guy has got to do t right…and most importantly…it has to end right.
Just because we don’t hump, doesn’t mean we can’t be friends….Just cause I don’t think we flutter right does not mean that we still can’t be civil. Just because you take me out on a drug deal, doesnt mean we cant be friends…☺
Don’t go getting all weird on me…come on, nut up and deal…we can still be chill…you all know Im cool as shit, so if your awkward its you homie.

I guess some guys just really don’t get it. You have to treat a girl like she is a princess, at least a girl like me.

Dance Move of the Week
Hop into the rollercoaster seat, pull the chest guard down, test it, put the seat belt on, pull that shit tight, get excited…now up the steep incline you go, look from side to side as you are tilted back…oh here it comes, the top, down you go, ARMS IN THE AIR, scream, move from side to side arms in the air….seatbelts on.

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