Monday, May 16, 2011

Blog 24.....(Part II) Dating Diaries.....ahhhhhhhhhhh

Blog 24……(Part II) Dating Diaries……ahhhhhhhh

So having taken one small step back into the dating world, I am running back to the safety of “dating restriction” and while I won’t talk about the most recent (that is rude) a bad date always reminds you of worse dates....when is there going to be a good one…..grumble, grumble……..alright, lets recall.

(dating diaries part one is blog 7)

Date 4….This was one of the first dates that I encountered when moving back to the city, I was set up by a friend. She was like, “I have this man, you have to meet him, he loves music and is a professor at Berkley.”….so totally I was in.

So the gentleman contacts me and wants to go to dinner and a show, this was off to a good start. I met him at a restaurant, that he had chosen for location……
I meet him at dinner, he seems nice, he stood as I sat, which I thought was quite nice. Then I started to ask him what he teaches about and what he does….

I think the second sentence out of his mouth was that he was a millionaire and was working on a book. I asked him what I cared about which was the book…
He responded with,

“I am writing a book about how computers have souls.”

This was the moment that huge firecrackers and whistles started to go off behind his head, oddly enough, I was the only one distracted.

Homie was not distracted, he spent the entire dinner talking about how computers have souls and their wave lengths and how they are going to take over…..I was starting to get scared, naturally I started to drink.

No dessert….I had to vacate the talking portion of this date asap. (and he had not let me talk the entire dinner, it was all about the computer soul thing……..oh and I know nothing about computers...I was so lost)

The check came, I being polite, asked the millionaire who had invited me out, if I could contribute. That chicken fucker said yes. (don’t ask a fucking girl out to dinner and than tell her to pay….I might have to pull out a “goat fucker” for this one.) So he had put out his card….I told him I would take care of the tip and put 20 dollars down….I was not going to let him get out of paying for dinner, which was $80.

He asked if I needed change for the tip, I told him I did not, that was my tip.

Chicken Fucker than tells me that is to much to tip and I should put at least $5.00 back.

What I told him and What I didn’t tell him……….

I said, “Look around this restaurant, it is Tuesday, this lady has 4 tables, my twenty bucks will help this lady out, and she might take it and go spend it somewhere else, which helps someone else out. I used to own a restaurant, I live on tips, I am going to tip this lady $20……..let’s go.”

I didn’t say but thought….
Is this chicken fucker for real….give me shit for how much I tip, well than pay for the whole fucking thing, you are the one who is a millionaire and while computers have souls, you my friend, are fucking empty……

***sunny dating note***
I judge a man by how he tips. If you don’t tip good, we don’t date. I have not gone on second dates with many a man because of their cheapness when it comes to tipping. We should give to everyone as much as possible, tipping is one of those things, it oils the wheels of life, and a man who is to selfish to tip is to selfish for a woman like me.

So the date ended with him asking if I wanted to smoke some pot, hell yes…..then he pulled out a joint that looked like it was from Iowa (I could barely see it) We are in California peeps, this guy has money, why the fuck am I smoking more paper than herb from this toothpick he called a joint. He tried to kiss me, I fled, I ran into the show, it was pop music, I told him I thought the joint got me too high, (tee hee hee) and was off like a woman with no soul…..

Date 5….This date started as a friend, and he opened doors and paid for stuff and tipped great, so when he asked me out, I naturally said yes.

Once again ladies and gentleman, a herb grower from Oakland that drives a massive truck they can not park in the city……we know my rant, so I will let it go, but come on, do you really need a truck that beeps when you back it up. So we decided to do the wander and look for food (my favorite) except dude didn’t get it, the first place we saw, he was like, “lets just do this” which totally killed the excitement of the wander, but I was game.

He then proceed to tell me how much he could not stand the city and was trying to find land. The city was too much, too dark for him.

You are talking about my freaking home bitch, this is where I was born and raised, where I choose to live. My city is full of light and color and awesomeness, what the hell was he seeing....I began to drink…I told him he should notice all the different kinds of tiles the restaurant had kicking, he asked what the point of that was…..more drinking on my part.

I couple minutes later we somehow got to lessons I had learned from my father (I do not remember how we got to that point in the conversation, did I mention I was drinking) Anyhoo…I gave him the old, “Daddy said it is better to be kind than to be right.”

He shook his head and said……“No, No, I am always right.”

I looked him dead in the eye and responded, “TOTALLY”

My brain at that very moment was making a mental note that stated to never go on a date with this man again.
He is always right…and my ass is small.

Thank god he knew how to tip.

Date 6…..This was a date with a man that was in a big band, that toured all over and blah, blah, blah, blah……Anyhoo, I met him at a show and he said that he had to see me again, that my dancing moved him.

So he called the next day and said he had to take me out to lunch, who am I to turn down a free meal. He let me pick, which was nice, and he buttered my bread, which really turned me on to be truthful.
So why is this date in my diaries….because I spent the entire lunch, not talking, but watching homie’s videos of himself on his Iphone. I do not need to see you on stage for an hour and half on a freaking phone screen…tell me who your are, what you love, ask about me and what I love. Because what I don’t love is hanging out with someone so self absorbed that they think I am going to fuck them because they play music on a fucking stage in front of a butt load of people.

A date is about getting to know each other, not showing off, it is about enjoying each other, not staring at a tiny phone screen…..and how many times has homie watched these videos of himself….you know I do pretty cool shit too, I’m interesting as fuck, I was on the date too….I wonder if he noticed….

And some people wonder why I’m on dating restriction…..hahahahahahaha

I guess its back to my comfy bubble, but honestly, it does get quite lonely sometimes, such is the life of a princess.

At least I will always have me, and remember is awesomeness.

Dance Move of the Week

Now this is bringing it back…..and the move is owe so simply…remember though, balance is key, so if you are off quilter you might want to hold off.

Bend your Knee, grab your ankle and start to hop, old school style, and repeat out loud..…”my ankle, my ankle, my ankle….”

Instant hit.

No comments:

Post a Comment