Blog 22.....(PART II) 22+ more fucking things about this princess

Blog 22.....(PART II) 22+ more fucking things about this princess

I told you all there was more, you just didn’t think I’d be so quick with it.
Here it goes…….

22. I am pee shy like a motherfucker….stop giggling, I am fucking serious. I pretty much always have to turn the sink faucet on so I can pee, even when I’m by myself. If I am loaded on psychedelics than times that times 10. My ex-husband became pee shy after an experience at the Oregon Country Fair...he came up with a song that helps when I’m in a porto-potty at festivals, with no sink near. So if you all are at a festival and you walk by the Honey Buckets and hear…..”Shout, shout, let it all, these are the things you can do without...Come on...” Its probably me.

23. I was a member of the “Banana Slug Kissing” club in summer camp…
we to had a song…….”BANANA, BANANANANANAN, BANANA, BANANANANAANANANANAN……slug” They are slimy, like free moisturizer for your lips.

24. Speaking of which, I am addicted to Vaseline. Have you all ever watched that movie “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” well, remember the dad’s addiction to Windex…..my obsession with Vaseline is similar. I believe it is the cure all-end all. From burns, to chapped lips, calluses, to cleaning the inside of a bowl, slipping a tight ring off, polishing wood (I mean real wood here peeps, its like a “pledge” consistency, get your mind out of the gutter……mine goes there to.) Anyhoo…just try it next time for what the fuck ever….it works, but please get your mind out of the gutter…sheeesh.

25. I have over 600+ cassette tapes that I still listen to. You have been to a DEAD show, come find it in my collection and remember the good ole days.

26. I have no idea how to download music, my computer is old as hell, I pretty much know how to check my email, which I suck at, facebook, and I figured out my blog stuff….kind of.

27. My psoriasis has made my stomach a little polka dot scarred. I love it now….it has personality, and it has encouraged me to get my six pack back…cause a six pack with personality………HELLO NURSE……I also have a small bit left on one ass cheek, I have told a boy, “that’s the spank mark the last boy left.”

28. I cannot whistle.

29. I make a mean ass fried chicken……… Macadamia Nut-Buttered Corn Flake crusted Chicken with and Orange-Rhubarb-Honey-BBQ Glaze, whipped yams, collared greens with pancetta & black-eyed peas, little hits of lemon, accompanied by cornbread with citrus-honey-butter & yellow corn sautéed with heirloom tomatoes and red onions, and of course, Sweet Tea. Put your jaw back up bitches, I told you all I was the shit a long time ago.

30. When I was married, I could not cook for nothing….one day my ex-husband even threw away the dinner I cooked. I never cooked again, Until I left him. Then I just started, and I learned to trust my palate……..people fall in love with me cause of my cooking, my ass can cook……..it just needed confidence.

31. I didn’t have confidence in myself as a woman till about a year ago. When I moved to the Tenderloin. Maybe that is one of the reasons I feel so blessed to live here. Growing up I always felt fat, weird and ugly. When I met my husband, I thought the fact that he liked me was good enough. I never really felt attractive till I moved to the city and out on my own. Now I might be overly confident…but I don’t give a flying fuck, I feel like I have earned it.

32. I recently went and saw John Scofield play at Grace’s Cathedral………it was a solo show, he was nervous…..I went all by myself, I sat down and started to cry and shivers ran down my spine. I was simply moved beyond belief.

33. I love going to shows by myself. I do it all the time. I know enough people that I can just walk every bit and run into someone and chill, smoke and dance, and then move on, not have to deal with anyone’s shit but my own, which is enough. And I really like just dancing by myself, I have no worries about that. I load my pipe up and just groove.

34. I am a solo dancer. Have you read my freakin moves, ain’t no way some man can come up and get all dirty with me….I am trying to bake some fucking cookies here peeps.

35. In fact, that is one of my biggest turn offs, when a man sees me grooving and comes and starts touching me and gets all in my space...offer me a freakin joint, do not start grabbing me, I don’t fucking know you...introduce yourself, pay me a compliment, do not grab, that is fucking rude.

36. Sometimes I think...”I am too much woman for any man.”....a man confirmed that once...he said the exact same thing than said he would be honored to be one of my husbands…tee hee hee. But the reality of the situation is I think I am destined to be alone, and I am starting to come to terms with that and deal.

37. Sometimes I turn on streets that I know are rougher than others, or take the short way home even though I know I might see trouble...Trouble doesn’t scare me..It just makes me feel tougher. And I encourage myself to be as bad ass as I can.

38. I give awesome head. Crap did I just write that, and yet I’m not surprised.

39. I always walk on the sunny side of the street...It just feels better.

40. I have done nothing with my BA in History from the University of Oregon, nothing.

41. On average...give or take, I go to about 6 music shows a week.

42. I believe that there should be music on during love making (if possible) I like it when I can make love to the music and the man.

43. About a year and a half ago, I hooked up with this older musician, who some people might sneer at. He is burly, he wears overalls, is wrong, but let me tell you, he changed me. I knew a relationship was never wanted on either of our parts, just a good time. He told me I was his “Ophelia.” We hung out for five days, I broke four headboards, I really learned to let go…now, unless it just sucks, I come at least 3-5 times every time I have sex. I have no idea why or how…but awesomeness times a 100, totally….ahhhhhh fuck…another 100 and some snaps.

44. I am or have been a barista, bartender, caretaker, cashier, caterer, designer, dressmaker, housewife, manager, personal assistant, personal trainer, Pot Grower, Promoter, Publicist, real estate assistant, restaurateur, secretary, server & a space traveler...oh don’t forget about me being a ball of positivity...totally

45. I am scared shitless of not reaching my potential.

46. Good music turns me on, a lot. I bring spare panties to most ‘good’ shows….Warren Haynes shows, I bring like 3 pairs, with his new line up….we are looking at a 6 panty show.

47. I am one tuff ass woman and one very weak ass woman…..a very funny woman and a very serious woman……a very positive woman and a very realistic woman….I am by choice a very independent woman and I long to be taken care of….I love to rest but hate to stay still.….I am a true Gemini.

48. Good music gives me goose bumps……all over.

49. Sometimes I think, “I am the luckiest girl in the World.” For the sheer fact that I know the true power and light within me, but I am utterly terrified to release it.

50. Now you really think I would give you all 50….shut the front door…I got to leave something to the imagination….besides, you all know there is so much more……………..

DANCE MOVE OF THE WEEK

STUFFING THE TURKEY….
I know its not Thanksgiving, but turkey is turkey, and that shit tastes good….so let review the dance.
First you got to pick up a bit of stuffing with your fingers from the bowl….taste….hmmm, a bit more salt…okay now, cut the little thingys that are holding the legs together and spread the legs….(damm it, for the last time, get your minds out of the gutter…tee hee hee.) Now go in there and grab the innards….all right this is getting pretty gutter worthy….anyhoo…..so make sure you got all the innards out and it is nice and clean….you can feed your innards to the dog or put them in a bowl for another day. Now start stuffing that turkey, putting handfuls of stuffing in the turkey and patting it down and making sure it is nice and tight. When it is all stuffed and tight, give it one more pat and bring the legs down….it is ready to cook….it might need to be brined with butter…..but we can’t go there…..that would just be dirty dancing.

Now in the oven it goes....

Gosh, I may need a spare pair of panties for this dance.